I’m 27. He’s 31. We are each other’s first and only.
I’m 128 lbs and 5’5. He finds me attractive and sexy. He’s always turned on by me.
But it’s kinda hard for him to finish with me. Maybe it’s because we use condoms.
I have never been on pills bc he doesn’t want me to be on them.
We have had it raw 3 times in total only.
Is it hard to finish with the condoms on?
Recently, he’s switching jobs. He’s tired and stressed most of the time. So he’s been finishing himself off when fondling me.
I have not been getting any.. is there anything I can do?
We turn each other on a lot and are attracted to each other physically.
28 comments
Tired and stressed can kill sex drive. Inability to finish through intercourse sounds more like a porn addiction or masturbating too much. Why can’t he finish you off then you finish him off?
No, it’s not hard to finish with a condom on. Especially if that’s what you know. Even if he can’t finish through intercourse, he has a responsibility to at least make sure you finish other ways, while he works through this problem.
Make sure you communicate your wants and needs to him.
Hi, I just came here to say I dealt with a similar situation when my husband switch shifts. Without getting too much into the juicy bits, I eventually started masturbating with him which, at times, could be quite intimate and often led to sex anyway. Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to explore each other sexually, or open up about wants/desires.
I do think that you should reconsider your birth control situation, though. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using condoms but I also personally think if you’re absolutely monogamous and exclusive you should be able to enjoy some raw dogging. It’s just better.
Plus this post makes it seem like it’s his decision, not yours. It would be beneficial for you to see an OB and take him with so they can properly educate you about which kind would be best for you.
Anyway, good luck and (hopefully) happy boning!
Maybe give him a massage one of these days. Just A head massage during a difficult and stressful time is rly chefs kiss.💆♂️ If you know that he’s being like this only for this period of time when he’s switching jobs and stuff then I guess you should relent a little. If you need to cum, masturbate? Watch some porn. Rediscover yourself ? But what I’m saying is purely predicated on the fact that this isn’t long term. When you feel like you’ve given enough then you should really just talk to him.
Just because it’s hard to finish doesn’t mean there is an issue with excessive masturbation. In addition to stress, there are medical conditions and medicines (like most SSRI’s) which lead to delayed climax as well. In fact, their is little to no actual medical evidence linking delayed ejaculation to “death grip” masturbation techniques. If anyone else knows otherwise I’d like to have a citation to the study in the comments.
Speaking from my own experience, climaxing with a condom is significantly harder, but there are other things you both can do to make it easier. Try to engage the mental side by fantasizing together.
Probably some to do with porn addiction and/or over death grip masturbation
I would look up the term death grip
[NSFW]
Well, it sounds like he has too much control over your sex? I’m getting that from him not wanting you on BC, and that your posts focuses on how he bests gets off. So I’m just imaging that sex is always revolved around him. Let me know if that’s wrong.
Do *you* want to be on BC? If so, get on it.
Second, if you’re feeling used or resentful, stop letting him get off this way. He can take care of himself and you can find other ways to help him destress after work, that doesn’t make you feel like shit.
If you don’t feel used and just want some enjoyment yourself, have you not tried mutual masturbation? That shit is so fun.
What about blow jobs why you play with yourself? I know that be painful for some women but there are some positions that might work for you. You really need a vibrator or rose toy for this, though. Hard to use your hand doing this.
So, for the BJ, you can have sit in a chair or on the edge of the bed/couch. Work on his testicals while you vibe yourself until you’re either close to cumming or have cum. Then give him that glawk glawk 9000.
Personally, I like to get myself about 60% there, then work the shaft but not full BJ.. just tongue and only passing over his most sensitive spots briefly. I try to edge him or get him as close as possible. Then when I’m about 90% there, I go full BJ because then I’m most passionate about it and he cums at the speed of light.
Sorry for the TMI. It’s the best advice I got for taking care of an exhausted man while getting my own.
Unless it turns you on, don’t ever give him control of your sex.
Is he on antidepressants? I had a hard time finishing when I was.
Lots of guys with porn addictions can’t finish with condoms on as porn desensitizes sex and so does a condom. Cut porn out and y’all’s sex life will improve drastically.
Its definitely partially the condoms. If you’re intent on using them then don’t worry about it, if you ever decide to stop you’ll see an instant change lol
I mean I suppose it’s different for everyone, but for me personally condoms make things difficult. Idk if I’d prefer a solo, but I could definitely see it being the easier route.
Hate that you’re going through that, but as always communication is key. Does he know that you feel you should get yours, too? If so, then the communication becomes about identifying his issue.
You and hubby need to set and have a talk about how you feel. A marriage is trust number 1, number 2 is communication. How long have you been together if that’s ok to ask?
Why does he have a say whether you are on birth control or not?
You have not been getting any!?
I don’t care how stressed he is. If he’s using your body to cum and not paying any attention to what you want or need, then he’s being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. I think you should explain to him that you need sex and intimacy and you don’t like feeling used and unsatisfied.
At the risk of rehashing what others have said….stressed and tired,mostly stressed, are the only times in my life I’ve had trouble getting it up no matter how much I wanted sex…when I did I would usually cum way faster than normal — but I think most people have the opposite reaction. So I think it’s definitely possible that is the reason vs all the people saying he has porn/masturbation issues… But that said I ALWAYS got my partner off even if I wasn’t feeling it personally. So I think its fair for you to express your needs to him.
Also, in terms of condoms those have never prevented me from having an orgasm — but we use either the Trojan bareskin or Durex Invisible which are super thin.
It is much harder to finish with condoms yes. Still, if he prefers masturbation to sex it might be worth investigating whether he’s watching porn. High consumption of porn can interfere with the normal sex life. Some guys will begin to prefer choking the chicken over banging the wife.
**It’s crazy to me that everyone is skipping over the fact that he is choosing your form of Birthcontrol and not letting you have a say.**
Do YOU want to try birth control pills? If so, you absolutely have a right to your own body, and can do so.
Also, your husband is being selfish, plain and simple. I can understand being tired after work, but what about the weekend? To continuously do this is selfish, not just a one-off, tired from work experience.
Hell, does he even ask you if it’s what you want? He could offer to get you off first, then get himself off. It sounds like he has all control in your relationship and that isn’t right.
I’m telling you, one married woman to another.
I don’t see why being on birth Control has anything to do with him. Yes, having sex without a condom makes it easier for both to finish. I’m concerned that he sounds very controlling.
Have you asked him why he isn’t spending time to get you off? IMO he might as well just masturbate alone if he’s not getting you off. Seems selfish to just make every sexual interaction only about him. You need to nip that in the bud. Talk to him, stop accepting that.
Buy yourself a toy and get off by yourself too!
Tiredness and stress has had a huge effect on my husband’s libido.
Do you touch yourself while he is getting off? Mutual masturbation is a lot of fun.
He is being very selfish though. Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. I know what it’s like. We want to be shown that we are wanted and desired.
Your value doesn’t lie in your husband’s ability to cum inside you! Your pleasure should be just of much (if not more) of a priority than his. If he’s only got the energy to self-service then you can do the same! In fact, it can often be more intimate and erotic than regular intercourse!
Condoms can definitely make it hard to finish or even maintain
Have you considered a IUD as an alternative to pills or condoms? Or other forms of control?
If he is performing and not pleasing you first, he may not know what he is doing or understand his role in the process. Encourage him to get you off first and them let him do what he wants as his reward. A women is a cheerleader in bed. He should respond to please you. If you nag him, he’ll cave and fall back into just yanking it. Smart women rule their men with honey. Take charge!!
You’re allowing your husband to use you as a sex toy and asking what more you can do.
Say no to being used. Realize what a red flag it is that he tells you what kind of birth control you’re allowed to use. Express your needs and desires, if he won’t meet yours then you don’t have to lie there and let him fondle you while he jerks off.
Stand up yourself.
Why is he so against birth control? That could change things not to have to use condoms while being married. Other than that, if he’d masturbate less, that may help too. He has a willing partner and you guys are both young.
Are you planning on having kids? if not… get fixed!