Ladies who used to be people pleasers and/or doormats, what was the particular event that made you change?

15 comments

  1. I wish I could say there was a specific event, but instead it took *many, many* sessions of therapy. (Still working on it to be honest.)

  2. Honestly finding my partner who used to be the same way he showed me how to care more about my feelings then others

  4. I think it’s when I realized the people I was desperately trying to cater to were people I frankly didn’t even like.

  5. I was in a poly relationship. One of my partners placed a *ton* of boundaries on me and our other partner, because they lied (for about 3 years) about being ready for a poly relationship among other things. I stood up for my needs, and she told me that I was just seeking attention. I, then, decided to end things and get help with therapy. I wasn’t going to let someone else walk all over me again for that long.

  6. for me, it was religious faith and dedicating my life to a cause i think

  8. I worked as a cashier. Always smiled at my customers. One day, I was upset about something. A customer had the audacity to tell me to smile. He said it in a way as if I owed him a smile.

    After that, I still smiled but was more wary of pleasing people because I got paid minimum wage. Affording therapy wasn’t feasible.

  9. It’s been an overtime change. Getting comfortable with boundaries is super hard, but with years of patience and therapy made me realize my opinions and feelings are completely valid and I shouldn’t be a doormat.

  10. I wouldn’t say it was one particular event, but a culmination of being rejected, people wasting my time, and playing mind games. My last “relationship” was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  11. Realising that the said people will be never be pleased, no matter what.

  12. Realize it was me avoiding the anxiety of confrontation.

    Part of respecting people is holding them accountable as adults the same way you should hold yourself accountable.

    Pleasing others without specific requests from those people is usually more about trying to distract myself from how anxious and insecure I am. It’s not okay for me to take away another’s opportunity to learn or experience life.

    It’s all different when asked, or I also sink back into it when I can tell someone is hurt. But I’m working on it!

  13. Was living with my ex being financially abused (i paid all expenses while he didnt work) and then he cheated on my for the….uh I lost track of how many times he cheated on me. Found him on a dating site and finally kicked him out.

  14. Suffering a miscarriage and finding out my in-laws were gossiping about it. I have my kids initials on a necklace and then there is a tiny lotus , and that lotus represents losing my baby and being able to find my voice from that pain.

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