Men of Reddit, how has your perspective on masculinity changed throughout your life, especially in the context of shifting societal expectations?

21 comments

  3. My perspective on masculinity has changed greatly from when I was 10-22 til now (32). I used to think the alpha male stereotype was the key to women, success, money and friends and honestly now days I genuinely don’t care. I encourage friends to be open about their mental and physical health. Gas my friends up when they need it because it’s important to me that we all succeed as a group. It’s not me vs the world as a masculine dude, but more importantly it’s all of us together kickin ass. Being masculine to me now is having the ability to say I’m having a tough time, and accepting the help from friends as opposed to bottling sh*t up and being a tough guy about it.

  4. I just stopped caring about masculinity. I am probably considered masculine physically, but that’s because I enjoy looking like this, but I am not afraid to (awkwardly) try and twerk when I hear Britney.

  6. I rejected traditional masculinity from a young age. I am the wimpy nice guy type. Now in my middle age I feel I am in a better physical and emotional place compared to my peers who took the hypermasculine route. They seem to have aged worse for some reason.

  7. I have never been a fan of masculinity.

    I don’t believe in the so called alpha bullshit, the kings crap, the top g nonsense.

    I don’t think going to the gym makes you a man, or that arrogance is a desirable treat you wanna have.
    And no it’s not self esteem, it’s 90% arrogance.

  9. I’ve gotten a better understanding of what it is. The societal expectations haven’t changed, just my ability to cut through the bullshit. Lots of idiots trying to tell you what they want it to be kept me confused for a long time.

  10. My perspective is that masculinity has changed for the better.

    I’m comfortable with myself and who I am rather than constantly fearing what other people think about me. In the grand scheme of things, no one really cares other than the older generation. No one cares if you like to paint your nails or not, whether you lie to wear the colour pink or whether you want long hair or not.

    I’m glad those silly restrictions are gone.

  11. Over the years I’ve learned that masculinity is different for everyone, and society’s opinion is irrelevant as long as they continue to demonise men for being male

  12. It really hasn’t.

    It’s based on my dad, who is fantastic, works hard (far harder than he should, since he’s already retired once), and, perhaps most importantly, will back up Mom against anyone. I can remember three times where my siblings or I tried to go to Dad after Mom said no and those are also the three worst punishments I can remember Dad giving us. My parents never had an argument that I remember, and I’ve asked them about it. Dad’s answer was “because your mom is smarter than me.” Mom’s answer was “because I know your dad loves me and you guys more than anything, so if he decides something I don’t like after I’ve talked to him about it, I trust him.”

  13. All emotions are allowed. OK to cry in movies.

    Not required to fix EVERYTHING myself.

    OK to just walk away. This is the best choice when someone is provoking.

    Don’t have to be a fit, tan, 28yo firefighter to find a hottie who wants to be with me.

    OK to entertain myself, such as movie or dinner, if no one wants to join.

  14. I think masculinity is all about responsibility and accountability, first for yourself and then for others

  15. I thought I might come up with something insightful here, but I realized just how little I even care anymore about being masculine. I think my identity is transcending conventional ideas of masculinity.

    Maybe it’s from raising a daughter. I think of all the positive things people associate with masculinity and I want all of those for my daughter. Not because I wish she was a boy, but just because they’re good human qualities which have no business being gender specific in the first place.

  16. It hasn’t. For the most part, the only women that don’t want traditionally masculine men are either broken or so much of an outlier that it’s not even worth bringing them up. Not that people don’t to “prove you wrong”, but that says more about their ability to have a cognitive thought than anything else. I did, however, learn very early on that what media portrays as “being a man” is almost always wrong. Figuring that out helped quite a bit.

  17. I’ve learn to appreciate it more as I’ve gotten older and found value in many of the characteristics that I previously wrote off as unimportant. Becoming a father and being responsible for a family and raising children changed me for the better. I’ve also learned that those men that dismiss the value of masculinity are generally people I no longer get along with or generally find respectable. They tend to be cynical, which I have no time for. I also find, despite claims to the contrary, that they are typically more unhappy and unfulfilled in life,. The men that I have met that are the most masculine, that exhibit those traits without insecurities, are the most caring, loyal, trustworthy, and honest people you will ever meet.

  18. I’ve come to realize how completely wrong current societal trends are, and how critically important masculinity is to just about everything we have and do. You like indoor plumbing and electricity? Roads? Cars? Medicine? Computers?

    People are not stoked about masculinity right now because masculinity brings accountability.

  19. For context I’m almost 50. I think the idea of masculinity has split into 2 different factions in a sense. Or maybe it should be 3.

    * the traditional view of masculinity when I was growing up. Im guessing this is what you are talking about.

    * the masculinity view from people like Andrew Tate – which is newer and a bastardization of what I considered what being masculine was.

    * and the third I guess is what you are implying and what Tate and his followers are actively fighting against.

    I find Tates views in masculinity to be juvenile absurdity and a cartoon view of what maybe a 13 year one thinks being a man is. Being a man isn’t treating women like shit. Or expecting them to serve you. I find that view toxic. And for the guys following Tate, sorry it won’t work out for you like it does him. You prob aren’t rich enough to let a woman treat her like he does. Lol.

    Personally I don’t think my own views have changed. I feel people should do what they feel is right for them. I still tend to think that women and men have different, but equally important, roles. I would never be comfortable being a SAHD and having my wife be the primary income earner for instance. But if someone else is fine with that, I don’t really care. It wouldn’t work for me. But that’s okay. If it works in their relationship, so be it.

    Over the years some things have stuck with me that women said, despite what they seem to believe “publicly”. Of course my sample size is so small and I’m not saying it applies to everyone, but most of the women I’ve known who make a lot more than their husbands quietly resented it. Not at all saying everyone.

    I have certain expectations of myself. I personally don’t care what other people do and how they live their lives. For my daughters, I have expectations of what role her husband will fill in their marriage BUT it’s her life at the end of the day and she’ll go with what she wants. I have let them know though that I won’t subsidize a marriage if one partner is lazy and not doing what they should be doing. If she wants to live a life in whcib she is accustomed to, she needs to pick her partner carefully. Or go make it themselves.

  20. Honestly nothing has really changed. I just have always had my father as my role model of masculinity and expectations and following that everything has worked out great. He has a good life so it makes sense tbh

  21. To me it means standing up for yourself and others. Being accountable and reliable. It Also requires having Fortitude and restraint. And being a provider of you are a family man.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like