I \[19F\] met this guy \[21M\] online two months ago and we met and hit it off the first time after arcade games and talking about our lives. It’s great because we attend the same University. Second date had a little less of that same energy, I met some of his coworker friends and didn’t exactly do well because I’m a total introvert and have no idea how to handle myself when being introduced to a friend’s friend, which was kind of embarrassing. We still had a decent time and everything, and we plan to go on another date this week, but I’m curious to hear your guys’ thoughts.
I’ve always been hesitant when it comes to relationships. My first ended off with me realizing I didn’t actually want to be in the relationship and breaking things off with the first guy. I just didn’t have any romantic feelings. I just turned down a friend of mine who’s liked me for a while now (we’re still friends), and although I feel like we get along super well and that we’re super alike, I just never FEEL anything for any of these guys.
Whenever romantic things are mentioned, I feel gross inside. The thought of kissing someone, holding hands, it all just feels wrong. Am I possible aromatic? Have I maybe just not had the right experience?
I’d love to hear thoughts about relationships that start online as well. Are they really genuine? Is it bad to want to be in a relationship only to realize that you’re scared for it to actually happen?
TL;DR: I am having mixed feelings about a current relationship, will provide more details if asked
1 comment
The risk of online relationships as a starting point is that they bypass the normal filters that come up when saying something to someone face to face and that can engender an artificial sense of intimacy that isn’t necessarily real. For (wholly fictional example) let’s say that as a very young child, I saw a cat chase a dog into traffic and the dog was run over, and now I fear cats.
I might be embarrassed to share that story if I am talking to you during an intimate picnic or coffee date because body language etc comes into play and I don’t want to feel judged. But if our communication is online where that isn’t a factor, then maybe I feel comfortable sharing that painful story and I feel wow this person knows me deeper than anyone else.
Now I meet this person and the chemistry isn’t right in person. For whatever reason, whether it’s that the conversation doesnt flow freely in person, or pheromones or they pick their nose mid conversation or feel personal hygiene is an afterthought, or whatever other ick factor is in play, but I think but they already know me, I am invested already. Will I ever meet anyone else I can tell my cat, dog, car childhood trauma to? Sunken cost fallacy is real and must be actively looked for.
With that being said, you said you met online two months ago. Now you are meeting in person and figuring out does it work there too.
People crave intimacy – emotional and physical. It’s natural and part of growing into adulthood as you are presently doing is figuring out what works for you.
With that being said, if the thought of kissing someone feels wrong to you, you may have some things to work through. Is it the thought of kissing anyone feels wrong or just these guys? I will broadly say without asking for details of your life that figuring out your own sexuality is important work – as is working through any traumas you may have experienced in your past that prevent you from being properly able to enjoy your sexuality.
Good luck OP.