I chased my dream job for years that my husband once supported. Covid hit and my dream job wouldn’t work financially at that point of our lives. I found a new job with steady income but no where close to what my husband makes. Side note my husband owns his own business and he does very well financially. We recently purchased a home and i do pay the smaller bills i also work where i am paying for healthcare for the both of us. I have put money into this home when and where i can. I also take care of all the cleaning, laundry and partially cooking if it doesn’t involve the grill lol but yet that is still not enough in his eyes. He tells me i need to contribute more. I’m at the point where we argue about finances and it’s so hurtful to be belittled by him when there are times i don’t even eat at work because i need to save that money to go towards helping him. While he gets to live his life spend money on unnecessary things while i am penny pinching and having to bust my a** at work to get a quarter of what he makes working. I’m just tired and hurt. Money is truly the root of evil.
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Money is not the issue. Your husband engaging in financial abuse is. Marriage is supposed to a union and you are supposed to support each other, and if he is making a lot of money, you should not be going without food.
Your husband is doing this as a way of controlling you and it’s an abusive behavior.
Both working similar hours?
Do you plan a budget together?
You’re married. That means you also own your own business, the same business he owns. Singular you doesn’t put money into the house because singular you doesn’t have money. Your money is community property. If he’s really doing well financially, then so are you, and if you aren’t living in such a way as to materially enjoy the financial resources you have just as much claim to as he does, it’s because he is illegally withholding resources from you and treating you like a child, not a spouse. Money isn’t the root of this evil. Your husband is just evil.
He’s treating you terribly. You’re supposed to be a **family**, not a business partnership. There’s never been any such thing as “my money” or “your money” at my house. For forty years now, it’s always been “our money” which is our family resources. [More on that here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/t809mu/how_do_you_and_your_partner_manage_money/hzl92ao/).
You going without food while he lives the life or riley is incredibly abusive of him. If I were his dad, and I’m probably old enough, I’d yell at him over how he’s treating you. You are being abused by him. And this is bad enough to end this marriage.
Money is not an issue and different people contribute different amounts. If he knows your education and career and he married you, then he needs to accept that just “making more” money is not always an option.
I make 6-8x what my wife makes and since we have beenarried it was always at least double.
I’m aware of the realty and we have never argued over money.
Money can suck… but that’s not the issue. Your husband doesn’t view your marriage as a team. Not all teammates bring the same things to the table. That doesn’t make one any less important.
My husband makes a lot more than I do. Occasionally (usually when we come across an unexpected financial need), I get self conscious and voice that I wish I made more money… maybe I should get a 2nd job. My husband shuts that down immediately. He tells me all the time, my job is just as important as his and we make it work TOGETHER. He has never held it against me that I don’t make as much as he does.
He’s ridiculous. I’m the ONLY income earner and I never fucking starve my wife. I put money into an account I don’t have access to so she has her own money and doesn’t have to feel trapped with me, and with the family money I take care of the bills and food and don’t bitch at her. He’s being abusive imo.
This is not sustainable, ya’ll need couple’s counseling to snap you both into reality. If money was going to be that big of a deal to him, he shouldn’t have married someone outside of his financial class.
At no point should you be starving yourself because you can’t afford the lifestyle he created. If you can’t afford the bills in the household, he needs to take responsibility for being the reason the bills are high in the first place (wanting a bigger house, bigger vacations, more expensive area, etc).
My husband has always made more than me, and we do his money, our money, and my money as a strategy. We have a spreadsheet we’ve managed since we were 19 and 21, with a list of all of our expenses, bills, vacations, and fun money, and divide it based on our percentages of incomes. This allows me to have a cushion in case anything happens, while we’re still paying towards all of our household bills.
He understands he needs to pay more because he’s the reason our lifestyle is the way it is. I would have no problem if I were single paying $500/month for a bedroom in a sharehouse. We pay $3.5k a month for the apartment we live in because he insists we needed something new, with extra bedrooms for our home offices, near his work. Hence, he has to contribute more for the lifestyle he wants to live.
That’s so cruel. Like waving hot food in the face of a starving child and eating it. I’d be looking for a way out. Hopefully no kids so there’s a clean break? If so work out alomony/child support it’s only fair.