What’s going on with video games playing such a major part in so many (unhappy) marriages these days? Reading loads on here about people (mostly guys) playing video haha for hours on end and neglecting their partners, children, household etc.
I read an interesting quote on Reddit from someone saying “an hour or so is unwinding, anything more is escapism” (or something along those lines).
I used to play video games with friends when I was younger, and some with my wife when we first married. Nowadays I maybe play for an hour or so once a week, either when my wife’s gone to bed or she’s out and the kids are in bed. I play online but without any “chat” with others – is that where people are getting sucked into longer sessions?
I’m intrigued to know what the gaming habits are amongst those who are happily married.
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I grew up a gamer. Always loved games. Married for 18 yrs with 3 kids now. Prior to having our first child I was still playing World of Warcraft, for hours at a time. We had only been married a year or so I think. My wife very quickly and calmly let me know that this wasn’t wasn’t she signed up for and that playing games every evening wasn’t going to work. I quickly reduced play time to very manageable planned out sessions (raids on a certain night of the week when she was with girlfriends, etc). Fast forward to today and I still play, but it’s for maybe an hour here or there, usually when she’s asleep on the couch and the day is done. It’s entertainment for me, but the hours long sessions aren’t good for a marriage. It’s escapism.
I am also a gamer. My wife kinda is. We sometimes play tetris on playstation often and she likes watching me play God of war. But its not often. I also play my switch. We play card games together as well. Our kids are 2 years old and 6 months old. So we barely do play anything, so we really appreciate the little bit of free time we sometimes get. I guess sacrificing some and finding a balance is key. Like i could be playing right now the kids are asleep but im on here lol
I have been with my husband for 11 years. He’s always been a gamer and I also am a gamer. On the weekends we play together, and also play separately. I think a big issue is people date gamers expecting them to “grow out of it” and get mad when they don’t.
For us gaming is a hobby, like any hobby it isn’t a priority necessarily, but it is something that we value time spent on. It is important to us that we have quality time outside of gaming, and real life will always be prioritized above gaming. But if we have down time, especially with no kids, absolutely it will probably be spent on video games.
My husband is also a “social gamer” and we live 500 miles from most of our close friends. He games more than the average bear but it is also his main form of social interaction. If he spent a few hours at a friend’s house or out fishing or at the golf course it would be the same thing.
My husband (26) and I (27) grew up playing video games. We probably total 10-15 hours per week each. We will sometimes go into separate rooms, or I will go handheld and play side by side while he is on console. We’ve been together 10 years and very happily married 5 years while indulging in our video gaming.
We don’t have children and won’t be so that allows us more free time than some others. I think when couples have other factors like children (which creates additional chores as well) it leaves little to no time for a personal hobbies.
I get where the quote is coming from but escapism isn’t always bad, it’s almost a form of self care. Just like watching a movie or tv show, a game can allow you to shrug of stress and anxiety. Temporarily.
Im a 36 yo woman. I play games a lot. Ive basically been playing nonstop since Tears of The Kingdom was released. My husband doesnt play at all and we dont have any children.
My marriage is amazing. Anecdotally, my friends that wouldnt date gamers said that they wouldnt because of how “childish” they think it is, like they cant reconcile a grown person playing games.
These same friends also watch hours of reality TV at a time so IDK.
Geez……I’ve been playing video games since I had an Atari in the 1970s. My basic guideline is I don’t play anything that can’t be easily paused until everyone is asleep.
I mean, no game is really going to be more interesting than if my wife wants to go have wine on the back porch, go in the bedroom or just needs me to do a chore. Those things might mean I get to touch boobs! That’s a lot better than doing some “raid” with a fellow gamer named DonkeyPunch42.
And let’s be honest……video games have never really been a pantry dropper, so it’s best to keep them around the edges and not forget why we’re all here in the marriage and in that house: Because you like your wife, enjoy spending time with her and like touching her body, lol.
Honestly, that’s half the problem: It’s not that video games have consumed these husbands. It’s that they don’t care about their wife very much. And there’s no real rule that says husbands and wives must be super into each other forever, but it does make me wonder why a guy would bother being married to a woman he wasn’t always trying to get closer to. 🙂
I know so many men in their 40’s and 50’s who watch football on TV non-stop Thursday through Monday. Back in the day it seems that going and drinking after work was acceptable as well. Same idea with a new medium for the younger generation.
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I game on average twice a week for about 2 hours after the kids go to bed. Used to be more before kids. It doesn’t matter if it’s online or single player though. You can get sucked into both for as long as you want.
My marriage had ups and downs with video games. Before kids it was a non issue. After kids it became a giant issue. Moral is, if you don’t adjust to going way less video game time with kids (especially very littles) you’re going to have a bad marriage.
Nothing more unattractive than being dead tired, unable to find time to shower, with a pump attached to your boob while the pump parts sit dirty in the sink while watching your spouse play video games.
Everything needs a balance. I’m 43 and play videos games, albeit not as much as I used to. Depending on how busy I am, I can go 0 to 8 hours a week, maybe more on a lazy weekend day. I don’t watch a ton of tv outside of Football. I have a handful of tv shows I watch on stream, and a read here and there.
I’ve spoken to my wife over the years as she has ZERO interest in gaming. About the second year she said, at least I know you’re home and you aren’t out. And I’m typically a solo gamer so there is always a pause button, if anything is needed. I’ve never put gaming over my family. It is my stress relief. I do majority of the cooking, yard work, DIYs around the house. My friends if I chat online are all married men with kids.
I started gaming on the old Atari 2600, and hit my peak during the first years of my marriage with the PlayStation 2. I used to play a lot of Tomb Raider, and my wife would watch much of the time. She enjoyed having the cheat book in front of her to follow along with what I was doing. Also, at that time she and I were heavily involved with role playing on Ultima Online.
We had kids and my gaming was reduced to mobile games until We picked up a Nintendo Switch for the kids. I won’t say that I was gaming a lot at that time, but I was the first of the four of us (myself and the kids…. the bride doesn’t game anymore) to finish Pokémon Sword. 😁 I’ve dabbled in a few other Switch games. Won a few Battle Royale’s in Fortnite, but I have now found the game that I usually spend an hour two playing each night.
After a long day at work my bride typically either prefers to simply scroll through Amazon looking for ideas for the home, or she brings work home. While she does those things and decompresses I play the mobile version of Rocket League….. Rocket League Sideswipe. (It’s fun, and completely free with no ads, so you should all give it a try. We need a larger player base! Lol) Yeah, it’s a mobile game, but it’s compatible with controllers, so I get to use a Nintendo Switch Pro controller to play it which makes it more fun for me than having my big thumbs get in the way. Most evenings my 13-year-old daughter will join me and we will play in 2v2s together. We’re not bad as a team. My bride has downloaded the game, but she hasn’t really put a lot of time into it to try and get into it. I’m holding out hope though! 😊
I guess the point of the OPs post was looking to find out if gaming has caused problems in marriages. Not in mine. It’s never been an issue.
My wife and I are child-free so we spend much of our free time sitting together playing separate video games. And we both claim to be happily married.
I might get downvoted to hell but I feel really passionate about video games. I have noticed that the people that have the most issues with video games also tend to watch *hours* on end of tv. What’s the difference? 🤷🏻♀️
I grew up with a gamer dad. My dad was born in the 60s and has been gaming since it’s invention 😂 My sister and I grew up with practically every console and we also each had our own gaming computers. I have fond memories with my family of playing Mario Kart 64, Smash Bros, Unreal Tournament, Serious Sam, Left for Dead, etc.
My husband didn’t grow up with games like me but enjoyed a few consoles in his house. When he was a teen he got into PlayStation and games like Assassin’s Creed, Skyrim, Fallout, etc.
We have a 3 year old and when he’s sleeping my husband and I both continue our hobbies from before he was born. We only have one gaming computer so my husband usually games on there. I’ve gotten more fond of cooking/gardening/reading. I don’t see what the harm is of me reading a book and my husband playing a game. They’re both hobbies we can’t necessarily do together so they’re our “alone” time.
Of course, like anything else, gaming can become addicting. If someone is neglecting their partners, children or household it is a problem. But “escaping” by playing video games is the same thing as watching a 2 hour long movie, reading for more than 1 hour or any other hobby. Video games will always be blamed for so much when they’re no different than any other hobby.
Been married 14 years together 17 years. My husband is a gamer and usually gets on about 5 times a week. He will play either when I cook dinner or before I get home until I get home. With dinner and anytime after dinner it is time with us and there kids. We also always go to bed together usually around 9 or so.
Gaming addiction is very dangerous. I guess a few hours per week is ok, nothing more.
Same as Netflix or other waste of time “activities”.
No surprise 60% of people are overweight.
My wife plays those mindless games on her phone 24/7. I guess it’s better than most addictions.
Saying video games are the problem is a cop out. It’s not video games, it’s the person who decides they’d rather do anything other than be with their family.
My husband are both gamers, we have thousands and thousands of hours in our games over the past several years. We are also both perfectly functional adults with jobs and we spend every night together and go out on dates frequently. Video games just happen to be something we both also enjoy when we have time. Sometimes we have time for play hours on end, sometimes we go weeks without playing. It’s about being a responsible adult that can budget your time. Games aren’t the problem, irresponsible adults are.
I was a gamer when I met my wife. She married me, knowing I was a gamer. Our son is now a gamer. Even in recent years, my wife has started gaming. We have been happily married for 15 years.
It’s a form of entertainment. Same as movies, or reading books or watching sports. I don’t see anyone shitting on men for watching a 4 hour football game.
Lucky for me, my depression has sucked the joy out of all my hobbies except for working out.
Married 13 years. My husband has always liked gaming. Depending on the game I’ll watch him. We’re still “together” but don’t always feel the need to directly interact. Our youngest is in that phase where she likes watching YouTubers play games so she will sometimes watch my husband. Since she’s a momma’s girl I don’t care how they connect as long as they are connecting. He really doesn’t watch tv so at night when I’m watching a show he’ll have some gaming device or reading on his iPad. Sometimes we talk, sometimes not. Also, I am an early to bed person while he’s a night owl so he will play when I go to bed. His amount of gaming doesn’t bother me but if it did and I vocalized this to him he’d stop.
Its also worth noting how many of the marriages with hours and hours of video games per day also are rife with detrimental pornography addictions. From my own experience, I cannot deny that the correlation is there.
Married 26yrs and we both game and often (at least on my days off) it’s together. I am working/commuting 60hrs a week so my play time is limited to my 2 or 3 days off each week.
Hubs is retired but even when he wasnt, he played what he wanted when he wanted. He’s never neglected to do the things needed of him due to playing video games. Currently he’s obsessed with city skylines, spent 5hrs yesterday getting an airport in a city to work, I heard all about it when I got home last night at 11pm. It makes him happy and there are far worse things he could be out doing.
I’m a gamer. It comes in waves. Right now I am awake 7am-11pm and my husband is awake 4:30am-8:30pm due to varying work schedules. I spend the evening after he’s asleep gaming. Sometimes we play together (other times we do his hobbies or our shared ones).
When our schedules are more aligned, I tend to game less.
My husband is a musician, fitness nerd, handballer, and raver. I’m a gamer, stoner, creative, and emo kid. We celebrate our shared time and carve time for us to enjoy our individual hobbies.
But I started playing uklele to share his with him. And he started playing stardew valley to share mine with me. We alternate movie selections. We play racketball together sometimes. He comes to Paramore with me, and I go to Bass Canyon with him.
It’s sexy to see someone really passionate about their hobbies, whatever they might be.
I play a game that sometimes requires that you make your own fire team. When that happens,I have to join a chat. And, I tend to lose track of time. Some of these things are 2 hours long to complete. Fortunately, my husband understands. He only plays pvp and never in a party or chat so each game is about 20 minutes.
My husband and I game. Right now, I’m not as much into it as he is because he has a game he loves that I don’t like. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes we both want to play all Friday night if we are both into a game. Other times, we are busy doing other stuff. It is easy to get addicted- we have both stayed up to 4 am playing a game.
We have also used it in a fight. We get in a fight, then we play together and an hour later, both of us have cooled off and rebonding through gaming. lol
I don’t mind if we do it together or if my husband plays alone, if I don’t want to. I like my alone time too sometimes. The only thing that bothers me is if he stays up until 2-4 am on a workday playing, then comes in and wakes me up.
I think everything is good in moderation. Playing for more than 5 hours in a day or needing to play it in all your spare time, is a bit of a red flag.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We are both pretty active in gaming. Together and separately. Ive never had to ask him to do his share of stuff. vice versa. There arent certain chores we each have, if it needs to be done, one of us will do it. We both work, clean, cook, and take care of the kids and animals. He could game all day and I wouldn’t care because he is there every time I need him. again vice versa
My husband gets home from work around 7pm. He plays GOW and MK. He will play til 10:30pm -11pm and then go to bed. He also watches youtube videos while he is playing the game to fill any time he has to wait for the next match. He plays the majority of his days off as well.
It definately feels like he checks out from me and the kids. While im stressed running around cleaning and cooking and working (i work from home) he is just there like a piece of furniture.
He only gets up to eat, shit, fuck (or jerk off) and sleep.
And it makes me feel so used and worthless.
Its not the games, per se. Its the inability to balance them with life.
I would love to have a husband who games maybe an hour a day and spends the rest of his time living life, including me and my daughter in that life. But most days that just isn’t what happens. All of his friends are online. All of the games he plays can’t be paused/stopped without negative consequences.
That isn’t to say he isn’t at least somewhat involved, at least with our daughter. But our marriage suffers from him kinda abandoning me and putting the onus on me to tell him to stop gaming to help with xyz rather than just being more available or taking the initiative to do xyz.
I dated a guy in my past who also liked to game BUT lived the rest of his life too. So at least in that aspect, I didn’t feel abandoned. That guy cheated though, so… lol. I still am in a better place even with my husband gaming like he does. Just one of those things I’m learning to live with, as its really the only “vice” that my husband has. Just wish it was slightly leas time-consuming.
I have been playing video games since the 80s and it is a big part of my leisure time. My wife knew this about me going into our marriage and she has always been cool about it. I mostly play single player games and not online multi-player. But growing up with a lot of the stigmas associated with the habit, I have worked hard to not fall into them and my wife recognizes that. I work, pay my bills and we make lots of time for each other and family.
That being said, it can be a struggle to find the time to game, but my wife and I have agreed that I can play at night in bed. She usually puts something on to watch and I have a console and a monitor bedside. I keep my volume low and usually game after she falls asleep. Turn down brightness and volume. I can usually get a few hours in a night.
The weekends I can sometimes get some time in, but it’s never uninterrupted.
Video games are a hobby. Like any other hobby, they are fine if they don’t get in the way of your responsibilities. They are only a problem if they are used as an excuse or coping mechanism to escape from your responsibilities.
I have started gaming again quite frequently. Sometimes several hours a day. But most of it is when my wife is sleeping, as we have very different sleep schedules. She does some gaming as well. We spend a lot of time together, so we are also happy to give each other space to enjoy hobbies. It never gets in the way of responsibilities.
Someone already hit the nail on the head: they date (and then marry) someone who plays video games with the expectation of “oh they’ll grow out of it”, and then they’re surprised when they don’t. A lot of people still have a perception of video games as being something that’s for kids, but the average video game player now is in their 30s, and they haven’t been strictly a kid’s medium for years. Expecting someone to ‘grow out’ of video games is basically like expecting someone to ‘grow out of’ reading books or watching TV.
I play games and my wife probably hasn’t touched a video game since Super Mario Bros. on the NES, but she knew coming into our marriage that I was a gamer, so she doesn’t hold it against me as long as it doesn’t interfere with the rest of our lives.
For one, video games are now designed to abuse your dopamine. Overwatch is a blatant example of this.
Second, it is such an accessible drug/escape for so many Americans. With the scene still sort of associated as a “man’s hobby” and young men being a little more sensitive to dopamine hits, it’s just bound to happen.
These dudes aren’t encouraged to express themselves or manage their time properly. Then there’s the whole fantasy. Men and women get caught up in online friendships, cultures, affairs.. because it truly is an escape. Highly intoxicating.
My husband just sold his computer. He had ADHD and I couldn’t tell him nothin’. He knew the gaming was fixation and harmful. Just couldn’t stop reinstalling.. until he finally just said, “fuck this. I’m selling the fucking thing.”
He’s already got a bit of a pep in his step. That’s what you really have to do.. sell your gaming shit, stick to a dinky laptop that can’t run anything but minecraft.. and go outside.
It’s not necessarily the gaming that’s the problem. It’s whether or not everything else is neglected in favor of gaming. This is a point of contention in my mmarriage. I have no problem with him gaming. I game, too. In fact, we met and bonded through online gaming. The problem is that he’s so caught up gaming that he forgets to do what I ask him like the dishes, taking out the garbage, cleaning the cat boxes, etc. We also don’t spend any quality time together anymore, not even gaming together because he’s so focused on gaming with his friends. I say, “Hey, we should play something together on our day off.” When he asks what, I’ll give suggestions of games we usually play together like GTA. He says, “I don’t have it installed right now.” I suggest he installs it and he doesn’t. It’s part of a larger issue where I have to do everything. If I don’t make dates happen, even something he suggests we do, it won’t happen.
There’s a reason I’m trying to put things in order. There’s only so much you can be told that you’re someone’s world, but not be shown it.
It’s not the video games themselves, it’s the person who plays them. A game can’t make you a sucky person that’s just who they are. Me and my husband game together it’s a hobby we both enjoy and it brings a lot of fun into our marriage. If I need help with the kids or need him to do something he has no problem setting the game aside, or if he can’t pause it he gives me a time frame of how much longer is left on it
I’m a gamer who married a gamer and my gaming partner is my husband. Sometimes we game together and sometimes we don’t. There really isn’t an issue. The only downside fights are annoying cause we end up escalating crap by insulting each other’s favorites games. Apparently my tepid farm games are a problem when he’s mad. Just like his repetitive war games are clearly the issue. We up the stupid with nerdy.