How do you become emotionally detached without turning into a bitter woman?

23 comments

1. It may sound repetitive but you just gotta prioritize yourself and your needs. You can be nice to people but once your needs aren’t met or even taken into consideration you choose yourself and leave. The right people won’t make you seem bitter for it

2. Practicing unconditional love with yourself, building your self worth and respecting yourself..

   – (Previously bitter woman who is now cool with life)

3. Mindfulness and gratitude

4. Look you can have a bead in your hand, and you’re so afraid to lose it that you squeeze your hand very tightly.

   Or you can have the hand open, palm up, and just have the bead on it, and it’s still there.

   Enjoy what you have when you have it (friendships,…) but don’t be too much attached to it.

5. i know this is a bit of a non-answer but i dont think there is a way. humans are not meant to be “emotionally detached”. emotions are healthy and essential to life and happiness.

6. I just don’t care anymore

7. Emotionally detached just means having boundaries and not allowing yourself to be drawn into other peoples problems. But I don’t think anyone should want to become cold. That’s a different quality that I view as unhealthy.

8. I think “emotionally detached” could mean different things to different people. If you mean you want to be cold and emotionless, well, I’ve got no advice for that. If you mean you want to better manage your emotions and how you react them: introspection, self-analysis, and self-love. Realizing that an emotion, even an uncomfortable one, does not demand an action/reaction. Learning to sit with your emotions, to think through them as the important inputs they are, and then decide on actions based on your own moral sense, what is best for you, and what is best for the world around you. I’d argue this approach isn’t emotional detachment as you actually spend more time and attention on your emotions; it’s just detaching emotion from knee-jerk reaction.

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11. When I used to take antidepressants they made it impossible for me to be sad, angry, etc. I could be yelled at, get hurt, or get bad news without a care.

    Everything negative that happened from then on was just something that I could solve logically without any emotional attachment. When one of my close grandfathers funeral was being held I couldn’t even cry because of the medication. It wasn’t until I stopped taking my medication that I was able to process those feelings.

    I used to take Zoloft 200mg, Trazadone 150mg, and Aripiprazole 5mg.

12. Focusing on yourself over others mostly

13. Detachment and bitterness are very different things. Someone who is emotionally detached isn’t also bitter. Bitter means you are most definitely still emotionally attached to whatever/whoever. A healthy level of emotional detachment is all about setting boundaries that respect yourself and your needs. Keeping emotional distance and detachment from a person or situation does not make you cold or bitter. If a person is feeling cold, bitter, and grumpy, then they are not emotionally detached from that situation.

14. Learn to love yourself, set boundaries, practice mindfulness, have gratitude and limit expectations of others.

15. Living my own life and focusing on my job.

16. You don’t become emotionally detached. You become emotionally resilient. You recognize that certain emotions are more powerful than others, may stay longer than others, may be more compelling than others, but all feelings will eventually pass. And all of the cascading emotions we feel and pass through give our lives color. Holding onto pain and choosing detachment will only keep you gridlocked in that painful state for longer. You might be numb to it by then, but the damage happens regardless.

    Some of the most painful emotions I’ve felt stretched my heart in unexpected ways. I can read certain lines in poems, witness an interaction between strangers or acquaintances, and feel so much. Our emotions are a gift, even when they scar us. Find a way to feel your feet on the ground and fight to keep yourself afloat even when everything feels so turbulent. Feel things through, because detachment leads to self-abandonment, hence the bitterness.

17. There are some people in my life who can be “a lot” but I love them. Others? If you irritate me and we don’t have a real connection then our interactions are done as far as one on one. I’ll “go to the bathroom” if we’re in a social setting to get away from that person. I’m not rude but I deal with idiots all day in my job dealing with the public so I have a low tolerance for clownery and energy vampires in my free time. If the situation calls for it I will absolutely tell anyone to fuck off and not bat an eyelash.

    Have I let relationships continue too long in my life more than once? Of course.

    Will I drop you like a bad habit? Yep.

    I also think emotional unavailability isn’t the goal but boundaries are. I like being deeply in love and having friends like family. EU prevents these bonds from forming.

18. I prefer to practice radical acceptance. It helps me to stay indifferent. A type of detachment where I remain connected to people who matter and work toward loving those who don’t from a distance. Ultimately though once indifference arrives I feel incredibly free.

19. Buddhism.
    Seek contentment not pleasure. Practice gratitude. Radical self love. 😘

20. Focusing on yourself and trying to find meaning and balance in everything that you do.

21. I still enjoy my life. Focus on what you’re engaged with.

    I read the dhammapada – it really helps give perspective.

    Stoicism too.

    There’s a book, Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat (sp?) you may find useful.

    It’s good to identify what you want and need for yourself, and how to do that for yourself – detach from your intrusive thoughts and unhealthy habits, be clear on your values and life choices. Imho

    Btw, to be clear – I’m not promoting a specific belief or way of life or anything, I tend to read and find what works for me, leave the rest. Hope these help.

22. You choose what you want to give a shit about and ditch everything else.

23. Being cold didn’t help me in relationships; maybe more with work if I thought just about processes. Instead, I found myself worried about being impenetrable against game playing which also put me in a a vigilant and closed state of mind. I couldn’t be at peace and trust my intuition/discernment—a better view was being gentle with myself and letting the emotions pass through me like storms and feeling them, giving them their own space—then I could respond rather than react. I slowed down my interactions and even processing things; I slowed down making decisions and trusted my instinctual No, which comes more instantly these days. I just look confident and serene in my peace. And move forward. It’s been the best thing for staying healthy emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I know my standards and worth, but my peace and sense of self rule the lot.

    That said, reading some stoicism quotes now and again have been helpful, too. As well as prioritizing and balancing what’s important to me in life and what I want to invest in. Giving myself breaks that I need. I also moved and cut out what and who no longer added to that.