TL;DR- we’re fighting a lot over stupid stuff, but stuck in a lease
Hi friends,
My partner (24 ftm) and I (27m) have been together for about 18 months, and have been living together for the last year along with 3 other roommates in the house.
Recently, I’ve been feeling like some of the magic is gone. We’ve fighting more and more in the past 6 months, and they’re always about stupid little things, be they communication glitches, his trauma causing problems, or my autism making it hard for me to understand. We haven’t had sex in close to 3 months, not because of any sex drive issues, but rather because the idea that much skin to skin contact with him rn makes my spine shiver. We barely go out anymore, and when we do it feels like there’s an invisible barrier between us, like we just can’t connect the way we used to.
I nearly broke up with him last night after another shouting match over something that should have been a minuscule misconception. I find myself just not wanting to be around him, despite the fact that I love him and enjoy his company, usually. Additionally, we just resigned the lease on our house for another year. We have separate bedrooms on different floors, but I’m still worried about how we’d manage to live together if we did break up. What do you think I should do?
2 comments
It sounds like being able to better resolve your conflicts and grievances, without turning into fights, would be a good starting point. I can’t really provide specific advice without knowing what you’re currently doing right and wrong, but here are some overall tips that BOTH of you can consider:
* Address how certain things make you feel. Even just a simple format of “When you do X, it makes me feel Y” can work.
* Use “I statements” – statements that rephrase conflicts by using I, me, and my more often, and you, your, and yours less often – to address interpersonal issues without coming off as too accusatory or judgmental.
* Work together on reframing conflicts as “me and you vs the problem”, rather than “me vs you”. This can work for a surprising number of topics, as “the problem” could be household tasks, miscommunications, conflicts with third parties, or interpersonal feelings.
Can you sublease your room? Most of the time this is okay as long as you find someone to replace your spot.
Sounds like you probably wouldn’t have lasted this long if you didn’t live together?