We recently got back together and he’s been spending the night a lot, we’ve been having a lot of rough sex lately and I realized he doesn’t say much kinky stuff during sex like he used to. Back then, he would always tell me he was into the hot-wife stuff and always imagined me participating in it, sometimes we would roll play and pretend he wasn’t my partner. It was hot at the moment but when we finished he’d ask if I would actually do that stuff and the thought of it would make me sick because I can’t imagine having sex with someone I don’t know or have romantic/sexual feelings for. I hurt his feelings telling him that and at the same time, I feel like he saw me as boring for that.
Cut to now, one day I saw he was on a different account, as a curious partner, I looked it up- bad on my part, I know.
I ended up finding out that even though he used to be disgusted by it around me, he’s heavily into asses. Not just eating them, but smelling. As well as rape fantasies. It really caught me off guard but at the same time I didn’t know what I was expecting. I know everyone has their own kinks and preferences but I don’t know how to feel about it. Maybe I’m too vanilla compared to him??
5 comments
I’ll tell you…. most men have some sort of kink that might be a bit extreme. Do you need to fulfill them? No, especially if he hasn’t told you about them. Probably hasn’t told you, because he’s embarrassed. Afraid you’ll think differently of him.
But for most… it’s just fantasy. It’s his own little bubble. His chances of wanting to do that stuff with you could be unlikely.(Now if it was underage stuff, that’s a bit alarming). But if it really bothers you, you could talk to him about it but don’t alienate him. Like what does he like about it?
Best sex education advice I’ve gotten recently is that you and your partners should do a questionnaire about yes/no/maybe for sexual topics, which you should retake every few years. Maybe requires communication, negotiation. No is not negotiable.
But sometimes no today becomes maybe over time.
As a man its pretty common. Mostly only in a controlled environment.
Let’s start by saying most of has have sort of dark or sexual fantasies that others might find weird, If he hasn’t told you about them, then it might something he’s trying to keep a secret, plus they’re fantasies, a lot of men are into asses and consensual- non consensual. Just try talking with him and find stuff that you both agree with and enjoy.
Fantasies are just that, fantasies.
My partner and I have indulged in the hotwife fantasy a lot. Never involved any other people, but do a lot of role play and use toys to simulate this in our sex life. I bought the topic up as it had intrigued me. She’d never thought about it and the thought of doing something with someone else makes her uncomfortable, but containing it to the bedroom and understanding it doesn’t need to go further has been great for us.
I can also understand his ass interests. This being my longest running kink, borderline fetish, as I need some sort of ass involvement to get off (either seeing ass, smelling, tasting etc.). My partner has no issues indulging in this fetish and enjoys it herself. I’ve had it as long as I’ve been hormonally charged but have only been vocal with one partner out of 4/5 or so. I’m even into her farts.
As far as the rape fantasies go, I can’t say I currently have the same thoughts. I remember vaguely being interested in a fantasy similar of a woman not being completely interested in sex but then getting super horny and being into it. Sort of giving in, if you would? That was a while ago and a little different to rape but like I’m saying, things come and go and don’t make a person who they are today.
In summary your partners kinks and interests will change/evolve over time. If you’re feeling like you’re too vanilla and it’s something you want to change, not sure, but maybe make an attempt to indulge your partner and see what you can comfortably incorporate into your sex lives. You never know the new connections that can transpire in your brain. Also there’s something fantastically comfortable about being so open and sexual with your partner.