So I (M) met this stunning Ukranian woman (calling her A here) about a month ago in a pub. Things went great at first: Escorted A to her home that night and even though she did not invite me upstairs, we still spent like 30 minutes on her porch having a really great onversation. We decided to meet up about a week later, danced and connected even more. Figured out she just came out of a long term relationship so I decided not to push things, but we talked a lot about her worries in life, about my time serving my community and the entire conversation got insanely deep and emotional in the sense that she shared a lot of secrets about herself as well as some of her vulnerabilities. The next morning (actually at 4:30am) I got pretty long text messages from her telling me how awesome she thinks I am and that she never met a man like me before. We are talking like some solid 800 characters or so – way too long to be a “casual” text. She also asked if we can hang out soon – so far, so good.

Just another week in, we met and I escalated things a bit by sitting closer to her, doing some innocent touching (like touching her shoulders when talking) to get a feel for her – just to realise that she is pulling back. Took a step back that moment and did cut out the physical escalation, and then I ended up in a situation where A just blatantly ignored me after I sent her a text a couple of days later, simply asking how she’s doing. It took her a solid 4 days before she replied something along the lines of “Oh sorry, I did not see the text messages” – which is BS, cause she has been checking out my feed in the meantime and did not switch of the read the message function. I thought to myself that maybe she just needs some space to figure out her life and what she is actually feeling, so I decided to go a bit distant on her, too and to focus on other contacts in the meantime. When I met A randomly in town some days later, I greeted her with a big smile and teased her playfully about her being flaky. Told her something along the lines that my mom always told me to look for girls who are really into me and that due to A’s “disrespectful attitude”, I could never introduce her to my mom because it would break my moms heart. All in a joking fashion and when it suited the moment, of course – and A took the joke very well, apologised by “asking for forgiveness” and asked me out that very moment so she could still meet my mom. So far, so good – great signal from her side.

So we go out eventually, head to one of my favourite bars and lo and behold: While having a great time, a friend of hers enters the bar and she invites her to the table… Kept my confident frame, introduced myself to the other girl and offered her a seat, and the conversation quickly went towards talking about intimacy and personal preferences regarding relationships. Her friend (calling her B here) told me she is a polyamorous woman and I, as a monogamous man, had some questions. Like how it feels for poly people if they see their partners with somebody else, stating that I’d just be insanely jealous and don’t really get how other people can be so casual about that.

So B went like: “So imagine A and I were in a relationship but then she meets a handsome guy like you and thinks to herself: ‘Damn, I want to get things on with that guy’, then…” That is when A instantly interrupted B and said: “But only theoretical!” So I jokingly replied to A: “Of course just theoretical, don’t get your hopes up too high, I will not steal you from B tonight. Besides that we already agreed that my mom would not allow me to date you anyway, and I am not risking to have a slipper thrown at me.” (I am Italian, slipper throwing is a thing…) A cracks another smile, takes the joke and instantly started to get touchy again. “I like leather jackets like yours…” – touching my arms and all. “Oh and I love these rings” – fiddling with my hands. And so on. Thought things were going great again, then I notice how A gets distracted by some other guy at the bar eventually. And she starts to play around with her hair and looking over constantly. Kept my frame, kept the conversation with both girls going and after B left, we had a final drink. Before leaving, I tried to escalate things and A shut me down. Shit happens… Two days later I got another message from A, asking whether we could meet up again soon – took my time to reply because I was busy for a couple of days, yet since I replied that I’m free the next weekend, I am ignored again (now again some 4 days).

So yeah, I am trying to figure out what to do with this, cause different situations could apply:

A might not be into me but just in for the attention. That would suck, especially as my overall impression of her was a totally different one (she strikes me as a very profound girl).

She might just be confused and still processing her past relationship and all, but that I doubt as she kind of confessed to me that she already checked out of that relationship about half a year ago and simply did not muster the courage to break up.

She might play games – if she does, I got to cut her out because honestly I am not in it for stupid games.

Or she actually does like me, but then all the pulling back is just confusing to me.

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So yeah, anyone here with any advice on how to tackle that? Or what I could do better? Cause I think I am doing quite well so far, she just is not very consistent and quite frankly I start to think that if she really was into me, she would just be consistent. Any way to turn that into a “success”?

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Thanks in advance you people. Love you all!

2 comments
  1. What success? This woman sounds like a dud and the only thing going for her is that she looks stunning.

    Guess looks > everything else, eh?

    Bro… what are u doing? What does “success” even look like with this girl?

  2. Sorry buddy but it seems like she lost interest.

    If she moved away from physical contact it is because she was not attracted to you. When a woman likes you on the first date she will touch you and she will want to be as close to you. Women don’t play games with the guys they like, too busy being attracted to them.

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