The first time we had sex we went the whole night, that was early February. We’ve slept in the same bed quite frequently but only had sex twice since.
He’s extremely fit & wakes up at 4am for gym, has very low body percentage and insane body muscles. Basically he looks like a “Chad”. I’m wondering if there’s steroid use that’s hindering his sex drive or if he’s just not attracted to me, even though he’s overly affectionate (which I really enjoy) and we can talk for hours at a time….
I don’t have the best body in the world, I’m a medium sized woman with big boobs and a little bit of chubby tummy so it might be that. I’m in a country where the average booty is like the Meg Thee Stallion booty and I have much less than that.
I know sexually I’m pretty good and well experienced, I gym a lot so I’m pretty fit in terms of getting on top, so I think it’s either one of the 2 (steroids or lack of attraction). I don’t know if it’s possible that he’s gay leaning but I doubt.
it’s pretty new so I’m not prepared to ask him.
33 comments
it might be easier to ask him about the lack of sex
I’d talk to him about it; that you’re craving more physical/sexual attention and see what he says. He could value the other “love languages” more than being physical. It could also be either thing you mentioned. But if you’re looking to turn this into a long-term thing or even just stay content with how it’s going, I’d be open and honest with him — try to make healthy communication important now.
My boyfriend and I had different ideas of what “too long” meant. For him, his ex and he barely had sex so it could be months until he was like “hey this is too long”. Whereas I view two weeks to be a long time without being sexually intimate. We talked about it and now we understand how we each view it. I don’t get offended if it gets to be a few weeks, I just make it a point to mention it (sometimes planned intimacy can help when two people have busy schedules! It doesn’t take away from spontaneous fun, promise!!). And he also makes a point to be aware of how long it’s been and he might plan something too. It’s helped our physical intimacy a lot and I’m glad we can always feel open to communicate these things before they go too long and one of us feels “neglected”.
If it is lack of attraction, then it’s his loss and you’re better off finding someone who enjoys physical intimacy as much as you. Best of luck!
Have you asked him?
You mentioned he’s into the gym and gets ready for the gym at 4am. Is he shreded or, trying to get shredded. By that I mean dropping as much body fat as possible. If so, that may be the problem. I’m no expert but, when you drop your body fat, you stop getting erections. 4 months into a relationship, you should be having lots of sex. Sorry to say this but, it sounds like the gym and his look is more important than a healthy sexual relationship. You need to have the talk. Good luck.
What country has Megan Stallion booty on average 😂
Honestly, to stay that lean is incredibly difficult and the lack of proper nutrition can cause hormones to be out of wack. Make him eat some pizza or something. I used to bodybuild and I had a problem with sex for a bit. Freaked me out. But I noticed when I would just let myself eat whatever I was incredibly horny the next day.
Two things, Does he have a stressful job, because cortisol can convert testosterone to estrogen, causing lower libido.
Second if he works out very intensely at the gym (Multiple hours of high intensity) this can also lower testosterone, lowering libido.
After 4 months I think it would be a normal convo to have since you both aren’t on the same pace/page about sex. Def have a casual and mature convo. Ask and explain your needs – find compromise or decide it’s not going to work. All starts with a chat between you both! Speculating on the internet about this really won’t do anything but lead you on further into theories.
Or y’know, he just has a low libido?
“*Man wont give me the sex, man must be gay!*”
🤦
Instead of making all these wild accusations, how about you ask the guy?
So hear me out here… maybe he just isn’t into sex? Maybe it’s just not his thing… I don’t mean to come across like a jerk here but is this not something people realize, that there’s people who just flat-out don’t really like sex?
sounds like a great guy. maybe he just doesn’t have a high libido. I’m sure he still cares for you and finds you beautiful he just doesn’t like having sex as much as you do. might be some trauma he hasn’t revealed yet. you haven’t been together for too long, there’s just so much you don’t know
If I want more sex, I just tell my partner “I want more sex” 🙂
Are you trying to initiate or just waiting for him to initiate? Some dudes will hold out to wait and see what you do.
Just ask him.
doesn’t have to be roids, having an extremely low bf% can ruin ur sex drive
Low T can affect men in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Plus some guys are being more aware and not always taking the lead/demanding. Perhaps he’s waiting on you to initiate?
We can give you all kinds of theories but the only way you’ll know for sure is to ask him. You could go about this several ways. You could casually just ask him if he’s attracted to you. You could just say there are things you haven’t talked about in your relationship and ask how many times a week or month he would like sex. Add in things like does he eventually want children, where does he see himself in 5 years, has he ever wanted to enter a body building competition etc. Some ‘get to know you’ questions along with some of the deeper things.
I know it’s only been 4 months but you really should know where he stands on things like sex, kids, owning a home, finances etc. Also these things can change over time as situations change and life happens. Be prepared with your own answers as well. I like mixing in some light stuff with the heavy stuff. That way nobody feels like it’s an interrogation or too much pressure. Wouldn’t you rather know now how he feels about these things rather than waiting a couple years down the line?
He could have a low sex drive. Talk to him, that’s how relationships grow.
You’re not the only one
I don’t think he is on steroids because 99% of the time they increase libido A LOT.
You mention that he is ”shredded”. If he is actually shredded as in sub 10% bf (veins and striations everywhere.) I would have to guess that his hormone levels are not optimal, which has a huge impact on libido among other things.
Could be something else too but you just have to ask him.
This reminds me of being at a party and a girl was complaining about her and her boyfriends lack of sex life. She looked at him and said “This (pointing at her crotch) is some good pussy, I need someone who’s going to fuck this pussy good”. We all looked at each other like WTF?. They’re no longer together.🤷♂️
Tell him that you want more sex. Problem solved. You are 29 not 17. Be mature ask him and tell him what you think and try to find a solution.
Instead of asking him make it clear what you want.
He may be on way too much work out and fitness supplements that certainly can create havoc to your body, libido and lowering testosterone levels as a result of over exercising.
Best thing you can do is talk with him about it in effort to understand what it is he is going through. Hopefully he’ll be accepting of your request and open up to you about it.
I’ve dealt with something similar with an ex that lived with me for a few years. It takes work from both people to keep the relationship sexual amongst another. It’s incredibly easy to fall into the “roommate” trap when you’re living together and after that happens it takes a lot of dedication from eachother to redevelop that connection. Sometimes it can’t be restored, other times it can, nonetheless this is definitely something you need to speak to with him. If you get a weird vibe from him I’d take that as a sign and start thinking about moving on from him as he may have some deep rooted emotional issues, or may even be questioning his own sexuality.
Very low body fat percentage tends to lead to lower libido
You have three choices:
1) talk to him about it
2) break it off
3) suffer in silence
Some people on these threads (shaking head). You need to speak with him about this. You could be sexually incompatible. You need to know this before you go any further in this relationship. Are you okay with only having sex once a month if that? You need to decide and his answer will go along way in deciding what to do.Best of luck to you.
Ohhh honey, when you have a low body weight percentage. Sex does not exist. You have zero sex drive what so ever. Zero. Clinically proven as well. I have experienced this and have had tons of friend’s experience this in the fitness community. It’s weird but real. This is your answer – Your attractive and he is not having sex with you ONLY because of how his body contains little fat stores.
Going out for 4 months and already had all night sex is NOT “pretty new”. It’s quite old. Ask him what’s up. Work on what’s up.
Having an extremely low body fat percentage usually equals to having a very low sex drive
If he is on roids I would seriously reconsider the relationship. This destroys a person. Anger, selfishness, brain damage etc. I swear a good friend of mine from college seriously messed himself and his life up with that stuff. Now all he does is post cringe nonsensical YouTube videos and is a forever student. He was coherent while we were in college and now I’m surprised he isn’t homeless. He also became much quicker to get angry and I didn’t stick around to see him deteriorate more.
I know he was on roids because he was in competitions. I don’t think he was on anything else but it’s also a good indicator that a person might choose to put other poisons in their body.
Maybe focus on getting more comfortable talking about the things you don’t feel comfy talking about with him. Silly things. Serious things. All of it. Until you’re comfortable asking about this. It takes a different amount of time for everyone to be comfortable talking about these kinds of topics and to know how to bring it up. Gotta get used to it first
If you don’t feel comfortable talking directly about it, maybe talk around it. You mentioned you have long conversations and he’s affectionate. Maybe drop some conversations in there about what turns him on, if he’s got any kinks etc- this might help rev the engines a bit or allow him to open up without being too direct or a high pressure conversation.