As in the description. I got many insecurities and I consider myself approximately average woman, meanwhile my current sex partner \[my 2nd in life\] is pretty much perfect by look for me. How would I know if he doesn’t just use me as an opportunity until he finds a better one?

6 comments

  1. Unless you have specific facts that he doesn’t find you attractive, don’t let your insecurities drag you into a bad space. Different people express love differently, and perhaps your bf just isn’t a habitual complimenter? Also, you probably don’t know what his previous relationships were like.

    FWIW, I’ve geen married twice. When I was dating my now-wife, one day I was copying home videos of my kids (divorce agreement was that my ex kept the originals but I got to make copies) when my gf was over. At one point in that, it was a beach vacation tape. My ex was in the scene, in a bathing suit. My gf expressed dismay: “OMG! That woman had two kids!? What are you doing with me?”

    My ex was very physically fit, but a nasty person to live with. I assured my gf that 1) I find her extremely attractive, and 2) I was with her because she’s the best partner I can imagine having.

    Ask your bf — have the conversation about what you like about each other.

  2. Being attractive comes in all shapes and sizes and all looks and personalities. Looks fade, but the person lasts long after the looks fade.

  3. I understand that most people…male and female…have insecurities about their looks.
    I have them about myself.

    So I make sure multiple times a day to take a few minutes and tell my fiancée how much I love her and how beautiful she is.
    I try and have things I expressly love about her not just “I love you”.

    People can have difficulty in expressing themselves. So writing it down or via text is sometimes easier for a person.

    There is no way fir you to k pw if he finds you attractive.
    Look to his actions towards you.

    Does he make time for you every day.
    Does he hold your hand or kiss you in public.
    Does he cuddle you and touch you when alone.

    All those things can reassure you he finds you attractive.

    One thing to mention…being insecure can be a turn off. So learn to love yourself so others can too.

    Stay beautiful.

  4. I agree with all of these, but it’s obviously not that simple. If you are expressive about liking things about him, he might start reciprocating (sorta like how being around someone causes you to pick up habits and phrases they use). You could also ask that he from time to time actually voice those thoughts about what he finds cute about you.

    We think things like that all the time, but we don’t always express it because we think it’s dumb. For women, this is a silly thought, just start spewing those compliments. But for men, it makes sense that they might have to be a bit more careful to not come across as creepy (which is valid and appreciated). Obviously your partner complimenting you isn’t creepy, but the behavior to bite his tongue is a habit at this point, so he might need some gentle encouragement to say things.

    Before you all come at me with “you shouldn’t have to tell him”, get out of here with that anti-communication rhetoric. Like the idea of “I shouldn’t have to thank him for doing chores” is garbage, you both should be thanking each other to build that positive feedback loop with chores. Use those psychological games to benefit everyone.

  5. Most people find personality attractive and if you’re dating it’s because not only he desires you but also finds your personality attractive, don’t be discouraged if he doesn’t compliment you much, people express their feelings differently. I’d suggest that you try an activity or perhaps something that would make you feel more attractive, like going to the gym, a dance class, change your hairstyle. Embrace your confidence and enhance your beauty, because beauty is also found in confidence and attractiveness <3

  6. This is a strongly underrated aspect of “trust”: not trust in the fact that your partner doesn’t cheat on you, but the trust that he/she indeed does love you as you are. I’ve actually witnessed more than one relationship actually break on this one than on outright cheating.

    So, in essence: your answer is *trust*.

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