For context I (23F) have always felt disconnected from friendships and have been the one initiating everything. I have been living in a new town for 3 years and don’t have any close friends only people ive met through other people or at parties. With one girl we hung out at her place last year and it was cool and i tried to arrange more times to hang out but the 2 times she had something come up and couldn’t do it and never rescheduled and has her own group of friends shes always doing stuff with. I don’t know if its worth trying to hang out again to make a closer friendship. There are 2 other people ive met who i sometimes message or catch up with but its always me messaging or arranging to catch up and I’m so sick of it. It makes me want to stop trying but then I’ll be completely alone doing nothing as i dont work 😞
7 comments
Do you have hobbies? In times like that those always help
I understand your frustration. Personally I wouldn’t feel like putting more effort into it. Probably it would be better to look for completely new friends than people who are already in established friend circles. For me it worked using things like bumble for friends to meet people who also wanted to make new friends. Often it doesn’t fit, but I met some friends I really vibe well with like this.
If it’s you always doing everything find new friends.
I’m going to go against the grain.
Most people are bad at reaching out, especially as you get older.
They either have routines, people they see regularly and thus don’t feel the need to reach out, forget, feel like they’re being needy, bothersome, etc.
Sometimes people won’t necessarily offer reschedule times either. But it also doesn’t necessarily mean they never want to hang out or see from you again, or make deeper connections.
Deeper connections take time and effort and some people suck at putting that in.
If you enjoyed your time there’s nothing wrong with trying to hang out more – it does suck being the one to initiate but the issue is probably way more on their side than your side.
Don’t stop trying or maybe do stop trying. Sometimes just letting things happen naturally by being within an environment conducive to transitioning a relationship from its seed to a flower is the only logical way forward. Places where people are sort of forced together.
You don’t have to cut ties with your so-so friends, but don’t be so emotionally invested that you feel hurt when you invite them to do something and get declined. If you’re in a good mood and feel like asking them to hang, go for it but keep expectations low. If you’re lucky, they may feel warmly enough towards you to expand their circle of existing friends to include you. Just don’t hold your breath so you don’t get disappointed.
In the meantime, try to make new friends who will be as invested as you are.
I feel the same way. I’m always asking to hang out or am always the one driving to meet someone. I just don’t do it anymore.