My husband will cry when he’s wrong in arguments.
Yesterday we were having a discussion it only got heated because he kept cutting me off. When I called him out and asked him to stop court cutting me off, he told me I was being egotistical because I asked for that when I tried to explain there’s nothing to be with egotistical, and I’m getting frustrated. He said I am yelling and started crying.
He then shamed me and call me cold for not comforting him in that moment when he was crying during our fight when I was trying to express something.
I told him it’s hard for me to comfort him in the middle of a fight especially when I’m frustrated for keep on getting cut off and now being called Egotistical.
This has happened many times during fights, and he has shamed me every single time for not comforting him and he starts crying even though he may have just been cursing me out. Am I an asshole or am I cold for quite frankly, not giving a fuck about his tears.
TL;DR: i feel like I am being manipulated when my boyfriends cries during fights.
4 comments
Couples counseling.
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Things are quite bad between you two, and it’s really hard for you both to communicate.
I don’t think that pointing out who is in the wrong, and with what, will help anything here, since both of you can’t communicate effectively.
Well some people tend to cry when they feel frustrated. I don’t like the idea that people cry out of manipulation because that is not always the case. I actually try not to cry since people tend to see it as manipulation or that I’m “unstable”, but sometimes it’s too hard to hold the tears in and it gets embarrassing.
Anyway, it sounds like you two are having a classic argument where neither of you are hearing each other. It does sound like he is doing the brunt of the fight starting and cutting you off by doing name calling right off the bat. For you, you could have not taken the name calling personally in am attempt to defuse the argument and instead of arguing why the term is wrong, say “I feel hurt when you use name-calling to get your point across. I want both of us to feel heard”. Then again, it is then back on him to also defuse the conversation on his end. Overall both of you should work towards communicating in a loving manner. The way he communicates seems hard to defuse, so you may want couples therapy or to read the book” How to be an adult in relationships” together, which will teach you both what not to say to avoid fights.
Edit: looking at your post history I see you two are separating. From the other things you’ve listed him doing, I’m glad you are separating. He doesn’t sound that great.
Respectfully, we’re strangers on the internet hearing a one-sided account of a domestic dispute. We don’t have nearly enough information here to accurately tell you who’s the asshole here. But if you two take the matter of “stop cutting me off” and it turns into a heated argument, then you two could definitely stand to find more effective ways of communicating.
I know your post is about crocodile tears, but I’m honestly not sure if it’s a point worth addressing. Either he’s faking it, and you’re talking to a person you can’t trust (in which case, that’s not a relationship), or he’s not faking it, and he cries out of a genuine need to release pent-up emotions for one reason or another. In either case, it doesn’t make sense to address the crying itself.
Instead, I’d recommend addressing the matters that LEAD UP TO him crying, at a time when he’s more level-headed. Ex: “Hey, when we talk about things, it makes me upset (or describe other feelings you have about it) when I’m being cut off. I want to be able to express this in a way that you don’t consider egotistical or mean. What would be a way I can tell you I don’t want to be cut off, that would work for you?”
The way you wrote it, he certainly sounds manipulative. It also sounds absolutely awful to be in your relationship. Do you have anything worth keeping? Is there a reason to stay together? When you two calm down, do you ever work through the actual issue that started the fight and resolve it? Do you ever work through the side issues? What does not wanting to be interrupted even have to do with ego? Does he hold to that bit of nonsense after a fight?