So to preface – this does not seem as bad as the title. I’ve definitely gained weight and I’ve noticed my boyfriend has also noticed and has made little comments about my weight gain. We both are avid lifters (him a lot more than me. He’s competed in men’s physique etc) so him noticing and gently commenting has not bothered me because it’s true.
I have a history of anorexia and bulimia. By the grace of God and a miracle, much of my 10 years of habits have disappeared.
But after 2-3 years of nearly no behaviour, ever since November, it’s been creeping back up and now it’s pretty full blown back into my life.
I really need accountability and support since my family is in a different country. I’m just trying to find the best way to bring it up to him since i feel a lot of guilt and shame that i let it slip back into my life. He is aware of my eating disorder past, and my mum has even asked if he could keep an eye on me for her sake when things get hard for me since it’s almost a coping habit.
If you were the boyfriend, how would you want to hear this has been going on and I need support and some accountability? I know I shouldn’t be ashamed but i am especially since he is so disciplined about his eating and workout regimen. I sometimes get so mad that my eating disorder has impeded my ability to ever do something like a body building competition. Any advice, comments or suggestions or words of comfort (lol) are appreciated! Thanks for ur time!
Some extra context: I have a congenital heart condition so weight gain is not ideal and the bulimia is also not great for my heart. My boyfriend’s personality is the typical “put ur head into it and grit it out” and he is not the best at empathy. He’a kind and caring but very logical and efficient so I’m trying to present my worries and requests in a way that’s pragmatic and easy for him to understand. I’m also going through life changes right now with a lot of uncertainty which helps me understand why this behaviour has come back. And maybe tmi – we’re thinking of marriage so I’m extra worried that his response will affect my view of him or his view of me. I know it’s probably a good conversation to have anyway but what would you do in my situation, people of reddit?
Tl;dr – how do i ask for support and accountability to my very old school asian, robotic, independent boyfriend that my eating disorder habits are back full force? How can I soothe myself from the shame and guilt if he doesn’t take it well?
2 comments
You need to find a doctor and a therapist that you trust first and foremost. Is that a possibility for you?
Just ask him and see what the response is. Yes you might not like his answer and might bring you shame and guilt. But once you get married, you will have to face more difficult situations like these as well. How will you ask him then? Will you just hold off on asking?
If things go south after you ask him, then teach him that this is not the answer you are looking for. Tell him that you want accountability and support in situations like these. If he doesn’t learn or be receptive to your feeling, it’s not going to work out long term.