I came home from work only to find that my fiancé had moved out while I was gone and left me a note saying that he didnt want to get married anymore. We were one week away from the wedding. I desperately tried to reach out to him and he finally agreed to meet and talk.
He said he had been feeling doubt for months and wasnt even sure about proposing in the first place but he didnt want to lose me and he knew it would make me happy. But that the constant fights were too much. The fights were about him lying all the time and never having difficult conversations with me.
Now, he says we should try counseling and go back to dating. Hes not sure if he wants to get married. He says we should try to reconcile starting from the bottom. He says we arent as compatible as he thought and need to work on our communication but im just distraught and heartbroken. I still love him but I have my doubts about going back to someone who could leave me the way he did. However, weve been together 5 years and I dont know if I want to let it all go. Would like to try counseling or and give it maybe another year to try. Any advice on either moving forward or how to rekindle?
Tldr: Fiancé left me a week before our wedding. Now wants to reconcile but still not get married. Not sure where to go from here. Any success stories?
12 comments
Move on. He said he doesn’t feel like you guys are even that compatible. And why would you want to try again with someone who ghosted you a week before the wedding?? He could have just sat down and talked to you first. He could have been honest from the beginning and admitted he didn’t feel like getting engaged was right.
Stop looking for success stories and find a therapist. If a guy did that to one of my friends there’s no way in hell I’d be supportive of them getting back together.
This dude is a dumpster fire.
Let it go. If after 5 years he had not figured out how to communicate with you his concerns and doubts. Instead, he just up and left without even talking to you.
Yes, you gave him 5 years. It’s not lost. You learned about who you are and what you want from your relationship. You learned he will just vanish without a word. You learned you don’t like being lied to and not having that open conversation.
Your trust in him has been shattered. I don’t think there is a way back from that. Take the lessons you learned, take some time to heal, and move forward with your life without him.
I believe he did you a favour. I’d move on and find someone who actually makes you happy.
Sorry that you had to experience the heartbreak.
I would thank him for finally communicating with you. I can’t imagine having to live with not knowing why he pulled this stunt.
As for going forward, look up sunk cost fallacy.
He has shown you who he truly is by this massive betrayal.
>The fights were about him lying all the time and never having difficult conversations with me.
A solid relationship is built upon love, respect, trust and communication.
He was right that you two should have never been engaged.
You should have left him ages ago.
>Now, he says we should try counseling and go back to dating.
So go back to status quo, where he continues to get his needs met without having to commit to you?
Just be civil to untangle yourselves financially and then move on.
This guy is not the one or one that is worth investing more time into.
Hugs
Cut your losses. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy and waste even more time on this guy.
One week before your wedding? Were you able to recover any of your costs? Who paid for everything?
Look up the sunk cost fallacy. He could have handled this much better over the years. Instead he was a coward.
Let everyone know the wedding is off. Ask a friend in the party to handle communication.
No, don’t get back with him.
do you think he decided to abandon a 5y relationship lightly?
if he still not sure you are the one after all this time, hes sure you are not, so even if you stay, he will keep seeking and eventually he will replace you with someones hes thinks hes more compatible.
You wanna waste more years on a guy who still doesn’t know what he wants?
This is a relationship-ending move.
Please locate your dignity and stop letting panic and desperation make your decisions for you. He knows you’re not the one, he just doesn’t want to feel like the bad guy. That’s all these offers of counseling and “going back to dating” are about. He wants out, but he doesn’t want to be the one to shut the door forever, and he’s hoping *you* will do it when you realize these half-measures are going nowhere. Don’t waste your time.