He spank way too hard left bruises covered all over my ass cheeks. I enjoy some spanking but he went too hard. Sent him the photo said it was too much and he said “I can do it harder next time” like are you trying to injury me it’s too hard? He said “well nothing wrong with saying that, some woman enjoy that so what’s the problem?!” Didn’t even ask me if I did enjoy that or wanted that or even say sorry.
Is this normal?
25 comments
No it’s not. If he doesn’t respect your limits and borders than you need to think twice about your relationship
First things first, he should always respect your boundaries and listen to you if you tell him you don’t like something.
On that same coin, be sure that you are very clear to him that you don’t like how hard he hit you. It is true that some girls do like it very hard. And men can be… Let’s just say a little slow on the uptake if you’re not direct with telling him you don’t like that. Be sure to just outright tell him “I don’t like how hard you hit me” if you want, you can say, you like it but don’t do it as hard, but that’s up to you. Lay your boundaries where you want them and be sure that he knows what they are.
Once it’s established and if he is still violating you, then it becomes a problem.
>He said “well nothing wrong with saying that, some woman enjoy that so what’s the problem?!” Didn’t even ask me if I did enjoy that or wanted that or even say sorry.
He’s a douchebag. He’s ignorant about basic consent and even doesn’t feel sorry even after you bought it up. But a better thing to do would be to bite him a bit while giving an oral and giving back the same sentence that he said to you. Just kidding but not kidding.
From what you described it sounds like he didn’t realize in the moment that you didn’t like it, or that it was too hard, but after you told him, he seems to understand that you don’t like it. Just seems like a miscommunication. In general, it’s a good idea to ask for verbal consent before leaving a mark, but this seems more like a case of him being a bit naive and bad at communicating. He needs to work on his communication skills, awareness of boundaries and consent, and probably his general skills at pleasing a woman. But now that you’ve communicated about it, as long as he respects that boundary from now on, I think this should be a forgivable mistake. But definitely have a conversation with him about boundaries and asking you for verbal consent.
No, not normal. Be cautious.
It’s not normal for someone to blow off your concerns.
But if this is actually how the whole conversation went, I’m going to recommend you actually state your unhappiness again. “I’m letting you know I’m not ok with this. It was too hard.”
Honestly though, I think you should end it if he can’t be respectful of your boundaries.
After reading your comments about him and how he responded to you, RUN. These are red flags for sure.
It can be normal to spank and leave bruises, yes. But ignoring your feedback and feelings and not caring whether or not you had a good time? Not normal and not good qualities in a partner. Get out of there, and good luck finding partners who respect your boundaries!
I bruise easily… thanks to anemia…. And I also LIKE to be spanked. I do get bruises but my bf knows my limits and sometimes just isn’t in it to do it, I think it hurts his heart more than i even feel pain.
He should’ve asked you before doing it. Confirm while doing it that it’s okay? Too hard! Too soft? And afterward discussed with you how you liked it and do you wanna continue doing it. Bruising can happen… but the point I think you need to make is “we aren’t gonna have sex if you can’t respect my wants and needs and follow up. Idc what other woman like and don’t like, all you had to do was make sure I’m okay afterwards”
Just be careful going forward because he might have other handsy kinks like choking etc… stand your ground babe!
Not normal at all. A normal guy would apologize and say he would not be so rough next time. A normal guy would not gaslight you into thinking it’s no big deal.
He is the kind of guy I would afraid of and would fucking run from. This kind of thing can escalate into something very very bad.
That’s horrible. I wouldn’t get with him again. I knew a guy who liked it rougher in bed but he would always check in with me and ask if things were okay and ask me after to. We talked a lot about it. What this guy did to you isn’t okay and his responses are even worse. Stay clear!!!
I am sorry. It is not ok – you should be with a man who wants to please you, not hurt you.
No, that’s assault, and assault is not normal. Don’t go back!
No it’s not normal AT ALL. He clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries and if he’s going to continue to do what he wants without discussing limits or caring then he isn’t worth your time or body.
Red flag. Porn sick
If he doesn’t respect your limits.
Noooooooooo
That’s the last time I’m you should ever speak to him
No. He’s an abuser. Block him on everything.
Dudes who use “being dominant” to justify being abusive piss me right the fuck off. It’s not sexy to be an inconsiderate asshole. It’s not sexy to be selfish and mean. At least this dude did you the favor of telling you how shit he is. Banish him from your thoughts. He doesn’t deserve your attention.
No. Don’t do anything with him again.
That’s not normal. End it!
>Sent him the photo said it was too much and he said “I can do it harder next time” like are you trying to injury me it’s too hard? He said “well nothing wrong with saying that, some woman enjoy that so what’s the problem?!”
He’s *not* sorry. He basically told you he’ll do it harder if you give him another chance. He wants to hurt you and isn’t even trying to hide it. Don’t ever engage with him again.
My partner instantly apologizes if I bring up that he was too rough and I definitely notice a change the next time. He can get a bit worried when he leaves marks on me (scratches, red marks) but I mostly don’t mind those). Definitely not something your bf should speak so lightly about.
He’s a creep. For your safety keep the distance from him
Nah, he’s a dick.
I enjoy getting my ass slapped during sex too but I’m the one that’s always asking my partner to do it harder. We have boundaries when it comes to things getting a little physical.
You are not “some women”. You are YOU and if you don’t like it then you don’t like it, simple as that.
After you saying it was too hard and he said he could do it harder, I wouldn’t see him again TBH.
he sounds like a fucking dick