Restarting my ‘American banality’ series. There’s 5/5 where when you break the news to your wife, she jumps up and down and screams like she just won the cabin cruiser on ‘the Price is Right.’ Then there’s 1/5 where she says “I’ll fucking leave you” and means it. But then there’s the place that would make her go “okay, that’s fine. I’m sure it’ll be nice.” What is that place?

37 comments

  1. Wisconsin Dells

    Fun, leading water parks

    Awful touristy trap amenities in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin.

  2. Ocean City, Maryland.

    The beach is alright. It’s a bit crowded, steep, and doesn’t have the best waves. But, it is a decent beach and you can still swim there easily. The boardwalk isn’t the nicest and certainly isn’t super picturesque. But, there’s a few decent restaurants and shops. If my family or friend group is planning a vacation, I’ll never suggest Ocean City and will always propose alternatives if it is suggested, but I won’t veto it or refuse to join the trip.

  4. There is a whole bunch of beach destinations in the southeast that make me think of this. Myrtle Beach, Sanibel, Padre Island, etc. Okay, sure, sounds fine.

  6. The Outer Banks. It’s not a ritzy beach vacation like Hilton Head or Kiawah. But it’s also not a dirty tourist trap like Myrtle Beach.

  7. Cape Cod seems to fit the bill. Everyone’s happy enough to be there, but nobody dreams about it.

  9. Any of the Redneck Riverias. If all I want is an inexpensive, no-frills beach vacation I’m in.

    Perfectly satisfactory, but nothing to brag about.

  10. I feel like this describes a lot of regional destinations that you grew up spending long weekends at and now you just go because it’s familiar. Ocean City, MD comes to mind for me.

  11. Las Vegas after you’ve been once. The rating goes down, of course, if you don’t really enjoy gambling.

  12. We took our youngest two to Sesame Place about a month ago.

    It was a fine weekend. Nothing to get super excited about but nothing to really complain about either.

  14. Nominating Gatlinburg TN? Seems over hyped in my opinion. Nice theme park, ski resort, and a quaint but artificial small mountain town feel, but overall I just don’t see the attraction.

  15. Whatever the nearest beach to you is, most likely. Like Myrtle Beach for NC/SC. It’s the beach, so it’s hard to be a 1/5, but it’s also been turned into a tourist trap.

  16. New Smyrna Beach, FL.

    It’s a beach, so that’s nice. You can drive on the beach. That’s like the most exciting thing to do there. Beach is pretty mid. Also is the shark bite capital of the world

  17. Reno. It’s kind of dingy, and the “Vegas, but cheaper” atmosphere wears off fast. I loved Circus Circus as a kid, but couldn’t stomach it as an adult.

  19. Pretty much every state has at least one local theme park and everyone swears by them as great places to go. Heck, I still adore King’s Island in Ohio and Holiday World in my home state of Indiana even if I can be objective and say they might not be the greatest vacation stops.

  20. Mackinac Island. It’s a pretty little island in Northern Michigan that is famous for its fudge and lack of cars. Nice walking trails and quiet, but nothing too exciting going on.

  22. Branson, MO

    It’s like if Las Vegas was designed by ferverent Ted Cruz voters.

  24. In CA, I feel like the old gold rush towns (Sutter Creek, Placerville, Columbia) fit the bill – they can be interesting historically, but they’re very “meh” otherwise.

  28. Ocean shores WA. Probably more of a 2/5 place, higher if you really like the idea of driving your truck onto the beach and being surrounded by seagulls while you eat mediocre fish n chips. Plus it’s a tsunami death trap.

  31. For Nc that’s probably any of the beaches in NC and/or myrtle depending on time of year, accommodations, and if it’s biker week. Another would be any of the main mountain locations. I love the beach, especially NC beaches, but I think of something more destination as a 5/5.

    Also I do enjoy Myrtle beach, but I’ve only exclusively gone there during the off season. It’s fun in a touristy kinda way, and some of the hotels can have fun amenities.

  32. I’ve kinda got that reaction for Washington DC. Mostly because my friends just think that there are only monuments and stuff to see, and haven’t realized that there are a bunch of museums in the area.

  33. This might be unpopular (I’m not sure), but for me it’s Niagara Falls. The falls themselves are awesome and there are many activities to do which relate to the falls themselves. However, outside of that, there seems to be almost nothing. The US side of Niagara Falls is practically desolate, with hardly any restaurants or shopping in the immediate area. The Canadian side is a bit more built up, but when I was there recently it was an absolute ghost town. If you don’t like gambling and chain restaurants, there’s not much else to do.

  34. Atlantic City, NJ.

    This could also be a 1/5 if you don’t have a concert to go to or something happening.

  36. For the Iowans in the group and folks from SE South Dakota and SW Minnesota…

    Lake Okoboji. It exists. And that’s about it. This one may only be 2/5 come to think of it.

  37. Chattanooga, TN. It has some ancient tourist attractions – Ruby Falls, Rock City and the Incline Railroad – plus a newish aquarium which is pretty nice. That’s it. Nobody regrets going there, nobody is insanely happy about it. It’s fine. 3/5.

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