Long post. I recently got into a relationship. A month prior to the relationship I had a one night stand (unprotected) with a girl before we met. One week after the one night stand I was nervous because I knew the girl was rather promiscuous and decided to get an STD check a week later, everything came back negative.
My girlfriend has a number of auto immune diseases. Her last relationship ended because somebody gave her chlamydia. Before we first slept together I let her know that i was sexually active but got tested recently and was negative for everything.
Recently I have been having symptoms of chlamydia/gonorrhea. I just learned about the incubation period and that I tested way to soon after the one night stand. I have an appointment to get tested again in 5 days.
I am extremely nervous and anxious now. This has been by far the best girlfriend I have ever had. Of corse I’m gonna tell her if I test positive. I want to just be 100% honest and tell her before I even get tested that I am having symptoms. I think that means this will end since her ex gave her an std by cheating. I never lied but I should have done more research now I feel like an idiot. What is peoples advice/opinions of this?
5 comments
You didn’t cheat!!!
This all happened before you started dating her. Just refrain from sex til your appointment and then be honest about everything. She knows you had sex before you met her. It’s not that big a deal if you are upfront
My husband was cheated on as well and we built trust by having a 100% honest even when it’s hard policy from day one. Sharing with this person that you tried to do the right thing by getting tested before you got together but are now having symptoms and getting retested may end up strengthening the relationship rather than tear it apart.
She will probably get upset but if you can stay really understanding, validate her feelings and not get defensive, you might be able to weather the storm as a team. Strong relationships are built in hard times
Tell her exactly what you just wrote here—it was before you were with her, you got tested, now you’re symptomatic, you’re thinking you may have tested too soon for it to have shown up. Do the right thing and follow through with testing, treatment and informing her exactly what the results said.
In the future you should be having protected sex with every partner until/unless you have been exclusive and both test negative after 3 months of being exclusive—that’s the incubation time for some things to show up on tests. Going unprotected before then is just foolish.
Hopefully your GF will believe you and be understanding—you didn’t do this on purpose, you thought you were safe and it was an honest mistake. Plus, if she’s got autoimmune disorders she should know enough to be having only protected sex to protect herself so this isn’t all on you.
She should really start taking her partners to get tested… have a probation period just in case of this incubation period issue (if she cares about her well being). At least you have integrity…
It’s different for everyone but I have a 6 months condom policy where I ask/demand every partner to use a condom, after 6 months we can discuss other options. I have a coil so the condom just helps me prevent STD’s, not in full, it’s not 100% I understand it’s still a risk – but the 6 months gives me time to test frequently and sort false negatives etc.
A one night stand without a condom? Bruh I’m a 38f and carry around at least 2 condoms with me at all time. My 13 yo kid always asks me why, he thinks it’s embarrassing, I tell him you never know when you need one. He already has a girlfriend so I think teaching him about safe sex now is important.
I hope for you your girlfriend will understand what happened. Just calmly tell her what you told us. Good luck!