I’m a pretty isolated person. I live in a different country from my family and despite a lot of effort to make female friends it just doesn’t work for me and makes me uncomfortable. Anyways I started dating this guy who is around 7 years older than me (30) and it’s been really good.
The guy is insanely smart , he has a PhD and is going to be a professor. He’s really into me and freaks out even if we hold hands asking if it’s okay and what not. I don’t think he’s insanely attractive but I like tht he’s smart and nice to me and it’s very easy for us to spend time together. He has no expectations for us to have sex either.
So the problem is that today I found out that he had only had sex once in his life which obviously explains his behaviour. Also he doesn’t have his own place and lives with his parents and is in the process of buying a house now.
So my fear is that he just hasn’t been around girls in an intimate way and he’s not actually super into me specifically (which is how it sometimes seems) but just kind of just sexually deprived. Also I wonder if when he gets his own place if he will just get laid whenever and he will not take so much time with me or want a slow moving relationship like we have now.
I really crave a long term boyfriend and stability in my life. I’ve had a lot of sex and boyfriends and am also super lonely. I brought up my concerns about him not having a lot of experience and we agreed to be FWB. he says he’s happy about it bec it takes the pressure off him but I can’t help but feel terrible because this is the closest I’ve gotten to a life partner in a while.
I don’t know if I’m setting myself up to be hurt or maybe he can get more experience and we can end up together in the end which would actually be ideal. I just am scared of being Fwb with him and not expressing my desire for commitment but also I don’t want to loose like the only person I hang out with right now.
19 comments
No
if you have to even question it, you shouldn’t be with him because none of that should matter if you really wanted to be with him long term but that’s just my opinion..
“I’ve had a lot of sex and boyfriends and am also super lonely”
Almost as if these are related🤔
Not at all. I don’t think that matters.
There’s a power imbalance here and I think you should avoid it. In many of these cases, guy gets attached, you get bored and want to leave, guy becomes threatening and now everyone is in danger.
If he’s inexperienced he might appreciate your experience and ability to show/teach him new things 🤷♂️
He’s had sex once at 30?
Or you mean with one partner?
Have you had sex 100 times or 100 partners?
Just trying to clarify if this is a numbers thing of people or not.
Such a non issue
He will marry you if that is what you want. I know quite a lot of similar cases, they all ended in marriage.
Why does his lack of experience make you want to be FWB instead of in a relationship? I’m not sure how those things are connected.
It sounds like you have a lot of worries and fears about what might happen, but not very much info you can use to assess whether your fears are realistic or not.
I don’t see anything especially worrying about someone having limited sexual experience; sometimes that’s just how people’s lives work out. I would say see how things go over the next little while and assess whether this is what you want when you have more actual behaviour of his that you can analyze.
My husband has 2 mba’s. Math and physics… He is insanely smart but his brain runs a thousand miles an hour. It makes his seem aloof when he really isn’t. He does great in social settings but new things can take a little bit of a push to get him going. Best decision of my life was to marry him.
I had a string of failed relationships all including adding to my sexual counter, when I met my now husband he had no experience of being with a girl. And honestly he’s the best husband ever. I did worry about this a little bit early on but I spoke to him about it and he assured me that I’m enough and he has no interest in seeing what it’s like with other women
He’ll no rock his world
100% he NEVER had sex. Willing to bet $1000.
I mean this guy has a PhD and all he’s missing is a bit of confidence. He’s going places. It depends on you. You have had more than a few guys rock your world and you’re probably afraid this guy won’t be as good. I also think you’re scared he’ll find someone better. I get it that you’re not responsible to teach this guy how to be a man and if that’s a deal breaker then I don’t blame you.
All I say is this guy sounds like a sweetheart so if you’re gonna break his heart just stay FWB. But if you’re serious tell him after sleeping with him a few times. You’ll know he will want one too if he calls you more frequently
Also how are you 23 with 100 bodies girls are on easy mode wtf
> brought up my concerns about him not having a lot of experience and we agreed to be FWB.
>I just am scared of being Fwb with him and not expressing my desire for commitment
Uh ya, this is dumb. Tell him what u want. Grow up.
I think you are the one who is not ready for an LTR and just want FWB, not him.
He seems to be a good catch for an LTR, but im not sure about you.
You are posting many red flags about yourself here.
Sorry, but that’s the truth.
Sounds to me like he doesn’t have much of a sex drive. Is he attracted to you sexually? Or is he just going through the motions because its what people do and he wants to seem normal?
I would say there is something wrong with him and he will never be a partner who can match your sex drive or satisfy you (even if he wanted to, which is doubtful). Ask yourself if that’s OK for you.
Might be inexperience, might also be that he has a lower libido so he feels less need to have sex. This might be the bigger risk. But you will only find out over time or conversation.
Inexperience should not be something bad, it doesn’t say anything about the future. Most important is willingness to learn and how much he values that you enjoy the experience.
If you feel that he is special to you maybe voice your feelings to him and go more into the direction of dating/exclusivity instead of fwb.