Should I cut my losses with this friend? I’ve done so much for this guy and he says he doesn’t have time and says that’s just life. His wife is a controlling and clingy obese woman who’s doing nothing with her life. I’ve known him since childhood but think I deserve friends who value me enough to spend time with me.
5 comments
It’s not toxic, but you should probably take a hint and move on.
Well, you obviously don’t like his wife or his choice.
“Done so much” is not a basis for friendship. We don’t make friends by conducting transactions. That’s business.
If you are really friends, then you would lay off. Respect the choices that guy has made and is making every day. If those choices include spending his time on things that don’t include you – that’s your friend’s choice.
It doesn’t have to be about you.
If you are really friends, then you both have your own lives. You both seek fulfillment on your own. When you have spare time, you invite your friend(s) to share that with you. If they say “no”, that’s fine. You aren’t connected at the hip.
Just like you never loan family or friends money – you treat it like a gift, or you’ll lose both the money & the person; you treat time spent with friends the same way. Your time is a gift. You do not expect anything back.
If you can’t let go, if you can’t be generous with your time, if you can’t get over your own feelings – then yes – cut them off. Do them the favor.
Not toxic but also not interested in a relationship with you.
I think you answered your own question
I have a very adhd friend who I never hear from. Seldom replies to my messages. Then out of nowhere floods me with messages and questions and connections.
I’ve just set my expectations to “realistic” mode. He’s a good person, has his own world, and we are friends. That said, he gets more from our friendship than I do so I am not going to prioritize it.