How do you get rid or let go of resentment in a relationship?

9 comments

1. Remember, in all glowing nostalgic glory, who it is that resentment is trying to poison your relationship with. Odds are excellent the issue at hand ain’t worth it.

2. It’s really going to depend on what’s causing the resentment.

3. I think talking about it is a big part. I’m trying to live by the rule that I am not allowed to resent someone for something that I never expressed I needed/wanted.

4. My bf had it towards me bc he supported me for a year, I was able to start paying him back, we’re good now

5. Ask for what you need

6. The only way that works for me is to air it all out. Pick a time that you are both totally available/private/calm/not tired/not distracted. Tell them you are struggling with something and need their help. Stay factual, not like a prosecuting attorney. (A) happened. I was expecting (B) to happen. Now I’m left with this ball of resentment and I need your help to make it go away. Try to explain why it still bothers you (do you feel like you were owed an apology, do you feel slighted, do you need to manage your expectations, whatever it is.) Ask their opinion so you can see it from their side. You need to understand each other to strengthen your bond. If it is a satisfactory conversation, great. Keep that open communication going in a healthy, productive way. If it wasn’t then maybe some changes are in order.

7. A resentment only hurts you. Don’t let someone else steal your happiness.

8. I made my decision and I gained a lot from it. Did I sacrifice some stuff? Sure. Did it seem like he took that for granted at first? Yup. Did I finally understand why I felt what I felt and tell him? Several times. Have we been able to over come it? For the most part.

   My resentment was seeing his parents so often while only seeing mine once a year. I moved half way across Canada and only went home one week a year.

   Then we started a family and I got more settled in a job I enjoyed and our finances eventually got to a place where we can afford to see my family more and we make it a priority now too. I lost my mom almost two years ago and now making an annual trip to see my dad isn’t even a question. I gained a lot in choosing him but we both needed time and effort to care about each other on a deeper level. Gratitude goes a long way in life and helps change your outlook.

   You make choices everyday. Decide to recognize what you have and take a look at where the resentment is truly coming from. Talk to your partner about it and figure out how to resolve it. If you can’t then it may be time to call it quits. Resentment is one of the few things that will destroy your happiness if you let it or if you’ve given up too much.

9. I ended the relationship.