Of course I love him, and want to be in a relationship with him but because of this ongoing issue with sex I have to question whether or not I should end our relationship.
He doesn’t listen to my boundaries I set, or he will always brush them off and as if thats not violating enough – I always end up getting really hurt from sex. Its not STDs, but I think its definitely from a lack lubricant and my heavy disinterest in several positions that he loves.
I’m really just sharing here to release my upset over this.
I can’t have sex for long periods of time after we hook up because of this. One specific position is when I’m on top, and I swear I always rip during that position. He brushes off my complaints, and I think he paints me as “lazy” and that I just make up excuses to avoid that position. Its such bullshit because I really do participate in sex and take action, I just do not at all enjoy being on top. Its not comfortable to me, it doesn’t feel sensual to me, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Like it cannot be a surprise that I am not interested in this position, and “coincidentally” this is the position we have to use the most lube for.
I’m not saying that this position specifically makes my vagina burn for weeks after, but I would definitely think its a contributing factor because I really lose all self-lubrication and get no pleasure from it.
I cannot even count how many times I’ve vocalized this to him. He just doesn’t care and tries to correct me, as if I don’t understand my own body, as I’m not the one suffering from the pain.
This topic just came up again, and I explained myself and he once again “corrected” me, letting me know I just say I don’t like it because I’m lazy – and he said he knows its a “safe/comfortable” position because he read about it? That felt like a stab in my side because its so dismissive to how I feel, my preferences, and the pain I endure.
Again, I told him that I literally feel myself rip in the position and bleed after, I don’t care what some stupid article you read claims because it clearly doesn’t apply to me. He turned away from me and stopped talking to me. I feel so pathetic and like I’m being punished for disagreeing with him over this.
7 comments
You have to decide how big a deal this is to you. It sounds like he’s a real asshole, and I’d seriously question whether or not I’d want to be in a relationship with someone who straight up doesn’t believe me when I’m talking about my own body/preferences.
The obvious answer is to just stop having sex with him until he acknowledges you know more about your own body, but I’m not sure it’d be worth your time. There are plenty of other men out there who will respect your boundaries and work with you instead of against you. You’ve clearly and repeatedly communicated this to him so there’s not much else you can do other than (a) stop having sex with him or (b) break up. At the end of the day it’s up to him to change on this subject, and he’s currently experiencing 0 consequences for his braindead mindset and until there are consequences… He won’t change. I guarantee you the reason he wants you on top is so he doesn’t have to try.
You can’t just dismiss someone’s sexual boundaries. Nobody has the right to do that. If you don’t want to do something then you have every right to say no to it and you should be respected on that. A partner can decide that you’re not sexually compatible, that’s their free choice, but they can’t try to force you to do what you don’t want to do and if they love you they won’t minimise your concerns. He needs to listen to you and react to what you’re saying. No article that he’s read can accurately diagnose the unique problems of an individual. He has no idea what’s going on inside you, he’s not a gynecologist (as far as you’ve mentioned). I would seriously consider whether you want to be with someone who doesn’t listen to your concerns and pressures you to endure physical and lasting pain for his own pleasure.
Not sure selfish is a strong enough word. This is repugnant behavior. Sex is supposed to be for enjoyment, and how a man (🙋🏻♂️) can allow himself to enjoy sex knowing his partner is suffering is horrible.
You should end it because he’s not acting like a person who loves you
>He doesn’t listen to my boundaries I set, or he will always brush them off and as if thats not violating enough – I always end up getting really hurt from sex. Its not STDs, but I think its definitely from a lack lubricant and my heavy disinterest in several positions that he loves.
>One specific position is when I’m on top, and I swear I always rip during that position. He brushes off my complaints, and I think he paints me as “lazy” and that I just make up excuses to avoid that position.
>I’m not saying that this position specifically makes my vagina burn for weeks after, but I would definitely think its a contributing factor because I really lose all self-lubrication and get no pleasure from it.
>I cannot even count how many times I’ve vocalized this to him. He just doesn’t care and tries to correct me, as if I don’t understand my own body, as I’m not the one suffering from the pain.
>This topic just came up again, and I explained myself and he once again “corrected” me, letting me know I just say I don’t like it because I’m lazy – and he said he knows its a “safe/comfortable” position because he read about it? That felt like a stab in my side because its so dismissive to how I feel, my preferences, and the pain I endure.
>Again, I told him that I literally feel myself rip in the position and bleed after, I don’t care what some stupid article you read claims because it clearly doesn’t apply to me. He turned away from me and stopped talking to me. I feel so pathetic and like I’m being punished for disagreeing with him over this.
End. It. He’s abusing you and gaslighting you about it. You should not be contantly bleeding, ripping and tearing during sex
I think you’ve answered your own question. If he doesn’t care about your boundaries and brushes off your physical and emotional pain caused by him, then it’s pretty clear that you SHOULD END the relationship
Did this really need to be posted here? Seems fairly obvious hes a dickhead. Leave him. Find a nice boy.