Me (M, 35) and my partner (F, late 30’s) are in a relationship for six years now and haven’t had sex for almost two years. We’ve been separated year and a half because of work, but even when we were living together, our sex life hasn’t been exactly regular or great. She has endometriosis and find the penetration too painful to enjoy the intercourse. For some time we’ve managed to keep eachother satisfied with oral and nothing has changed regarding our feelings for eachother.

However, when we finaly got to live together again, last six months there was no sex at all, despite us trying. She confessed to me that she has no sex drive at all and blames it on the endometriosis messing with her hormones. She still finds me attractive and it’s the same the other way around. But even when we do oral now, nothing happens and both of us end up dissapointed. I’ve asked her if she has any sex fantasies at all (even of having sex with other people), as my sex drive is good and I’d be open to almost anything at this point. But the answer was still negative.

She did tell me she’d be fine with me having sex with other people if I wanted to, as she doesn’t want me to suffer in this kind of situation. I thought about it and while I’d find it exciting, to me that doesn’t sound like a wholesome solution for us as a couple, and I think one night stands would not be fulfilling for me at this point. Both of us want to stay together and save our relationship, but trying to do so feels like forcing things, and it’s been like that for quite some time now. And we’re all out of ideas how to fix it, so any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: After not having sex for almost two years because of long distance relationship, my girlfriend who has endometriosis, tells me she has lost all of her sex drive. We both want to stay together, but don’t know how to get around her complete loss of sex drive.

3 comments
  1. I know a woman with this. Because of the pain it causes, she associates sex with extreme pain. She ended up getting a hysterectomy.

  2. Her doctor will be able to help give her options. Having no sex drive, it will be hard for her to see sex as important enough to seek medical advice about (been there!), so she may need some encouragement from you to go that route.

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