I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and have known from the start that he was bisexual, which I am as well. We have a great relationship, and we’re a very strong couple and I hope we continue to be.
When we first started dating, I was upfront in telling him that I had sex with one of my female friends the year prior. It was a one time drunken thing, we were both single and bi but have both since gotten into relationships, and we’ve addressed it openly so there’s no tension or romantic feelings there whatsoever. My boyfriend knows this and was fine with it when I told him.
However, on occasions when we’re out with his male friend group, he will very openly kiss them on the mouth and touch them in a funny flirty manner in front of my face, which I’ve never voiced that it bothers me but it does make me uncomfortable and feel like the butt of the joke when it happens, but I don’t want to be the girlfriend who says he can’t kiss his homies iygm. I never kiss my female friends in the same way, let alone in front of him as I feel it would be disrespectful to him and our relationship.
He is a very affectionate person, and I’ve also noticed he calls his friends (male and female) the same pet names he calls me. When I asked him about this before, he said he that’s just how he speaks to his friends but it’s different with me. I also once asked him if he’s kissed his friends since being with me, to which he said yes his guy friends but not his girl friends. I asked if he had gotten with any of his girl friends before, and he asked if I really wanted to know, to which I said no I didn’t. Now I don’t know if I should have said yes, given that he knows about my fling with my female friend last year, and I would have told him if there had been other similar instances with other friends, just to be open with him, but he seems to think it’s best not to know. But does this make me look stupid when I hang out with his female friends and they know they’ve kissed him but his girlfriend doesn’t?
The reason I’m coming to reddit now is that when I was out with his friends this weekend, one of his friends girlfriends was going around asking people to kiss her hand as a joke. My boyfriend told me not to because he hadn’t, and he found it kind of weird given her boyfriend was right there (that couple got into a fight about it afterwards too). When she was trying to get me to kiss her hand in front of my bf, he told her “she’s not a lesbian!”, and was adamant that I didn’t participate. This struck me as strange given that he would have been uncomfortable with me kissing another girls hand in front of him, while he was going around kissing his guy friends on the mouth in front of my face.
I don’t know whether this is worth pulling him up on, given his sexuality and the slight double standard in the way he acts with his friends compared to how I am with mine, but it does make me feel uncomfortable as I’ve been in a situation before where my ex was flirting with his female friends and did in fact cheat on me with one of them, let alone sexually harass some of the others. I know this isn’t the same thing, but given context I hope you can see why I’m wary of considering this just a jokey friendly thing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated, any of my female friends who I’ve spoken to about it have said that I’m within my rights to tell him it’s not okay and it is disrespectful to me, but I want to know I’m not being paranoid or crazy if I’m no longer cool with it? Thanks in advance!
TLDR; my bisexual boyfriend kisses and flirts with his male friends in front of me and it makes me uncomfortable
10 comments
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Please talk to him and it’s really on you if you want to know the names of the “friends” he’s slept with ones you know a face and a name it’s different but ur on ur right to know, if u talk to him and he dismiss ur feelings f him please please love and respect your self if ur not comfortable with something that’s that he needs to respect u but if you don’t respect yourself no one will
he’s a hypocrite, either he admits it or u get even and show him what’s good and remind him no man is gonna hold u back or down if they’re gonna be a two timing bitc
You’re allowed to not be okay with your boyfriend kissing his friends on the mouth.
What weird thing to have to type out.
Regardless of sexuality, it’s up to you to decide what you are willing to accept in your relationship. If you feel like it’s disrespectful (which I agree), then you need to tell him how you feel. If he is unwilling to stop, then you should move on to someone who respects your very reasonable boundary. Bisexuality is not a pass for being disrespectful of your partners feelings.
Someone wants the D.
Establish with him that you’re uncomfortable with him kissing other people (male or female) in general/etc and if he isn’t able to do that break up with him because you’re not compatible. My boyfriend and I are bi and if he kissed anyone else on the mouth I’d consider it cheating and vice versa, regardless of gender. His double standards make him sound like a controlling jerk IMO
Whether or not he was bisexual, it’s disrespectful to go around kissing and grabbing people sexually while in a relationship.
Edit: monogamous relationship
Wtf?! Just because he’s kissing guys on the lips and not girls doesn’t make it ok. He shouldn’t be kissing anyone else if he’s in a relationship, whether they’re male or female. Geez…
That’s cheating. And you’re allowing it to happen right in front of you.