I [F25] tried having a MFM threesome with a friend and a stranger. Even though the stranger was rock hard when clothed, when it was time to perform, he couldn’t. Reading through the Reddit R4Rs, you see many couples complaining about this. Why does this seem to happen often?
I’ve never had a guy have difficulties when it’s one-on-one.
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If they consider themselves hetero, a lot of times they’re usually struggling with the idea of being sexual in the presence of another man. There’s nothing wrong with it, everyone has preferences. But, that’s one of several reasons.
I thought about this for a long time because I had this problem on my first and only try.
I believe the issue for me was
1. Nerves – threesome is higher stakes so nerves are running higher to perform
2. Feeling like a kink dispenser – I felt a bit dehumanized during my threesome. I think it was all in my head but it still got to me. The woman was very familiar with my style and we met with another of her FWB so he was aware I was more “dominant” and “better” in bed per her analysis, especially with anal. He was better at oral as stated. I felt a lot of pressure to perform. Especially because I can go multiple rounds when I am in the zone. It felt like “okay time to dance sex monkey.”
3. Different from normal style – I am used to a certain two person flow, adding a third person was way different. I think this is a pretty big reason, it’s almost like losing your virginity again because of the jump in complexity. There is a lot of pressure on the man to perform and be not passive. My role in sex is very not passive so I have to know what I’m doing and what I want to do. This comes from experience.
For info: I was ~29 when I had my threesome was already very experienced 1-on-1. I would say about 80% of ONS were amazing at that point maybe 20% mediocre. It’s possible I just had a bad day because that has happened to me before when I was casually dating but I knew the girl pretty well, we had extensive and hot sexual history so this was not someone random.
Quite honestly, most people, both male and female don’t truly realize just how different fantasy and reality are. I’ve been in a couple different situations that became really uncomfortable and awkward because one of the participants wasn’t able to perform or it was nothing like they had fantasized about in their head.
MFM threesomes are amazing when done right. There was one where it was a logistical nightmare. Both men thought it would be a novel and fun experience, but when they got to the point of deciding what roles they wanted to fulfill, they couldn’t agree. Just led to me awkwardly jerking both of them off for five minutes until they decided.
Something as simple as that could impact performance.
Performance anxiety. Being around another guy can make them start “comparing” and feeling insecure. Maybe it was a new experience for him. I’ve had a few MFM and have seen this happen with the 3rd party. (Hubs has no issues there.) If you want a MFM, I suggest finding a guy with experience, like single guys in swinger groups.
I rather hava a MMF that just me.
Lmao tried this with a buddy and some chick… I’m kind of a manic dude so if I’m doing something, I do it big. It was literally as almost a joke, like… neither of us were like “yeah, I wanna share a chick with you bro” but ya get bored y’know?
Well she shows up, we got to my room, shut the lights off… I’m ass naked getting into it with the chick, my buddy just freezes, then gets up and leaves lmao so me and the chick hooked up and I sent her on her way. What a night lmao
It could be a few things. They may not be secure enough in their manhood to be comfortable seeing another man naked or too insecure in their body to have another man see them. It could be that they’re so nervous that they’re not going to be able to perform on par with each other, or it could be that they thought they were up for it, but when the time came they realized it wasn’t for them.
I’m sure there are other reasons, but those are the only ones I can think of right now.
Either nervousness or getting stuck in their heads. From the couples I’ve connected with they felt the guy(s) were super nervous. It’s one thing to imagine and want it. Another to actually be in it. Speaking for myself, I’ve had no issues in the threesomes but the other guy has. Which sucks because it’s all about the lady. Then you also run into the issue if not taking turns correctly.
For those wanting to do those. Just enjoy the moment, and do as good as you do. Don’t try to be god’s gift to women and you’ll end up having a good time.
That’s not uncommon at all & there could be several reasons, but nerves along with high expectations can lead to “performance anxiety”.
My experience is that once everyone becomes comfortable, that can change, but it may take more than once to get to that level of comfort (unless jealousy is involved & that’s a different story).
When I have done mfm, it’s been with complete strangers. They have known each other but I didn’t on any occasions. I think that helped. Not sure how I’d do if I knew the people.
Probably a good idea to have the magic blue pills already in and down when starting. That way, even if a little discomfort, a good thought and a little tease should handle any issues
They probably get turned on at the aspect, and have never done it, then get unintentional cold feet because they weren’t as ready as they thought. Would be a good idea to make sure if someone has done it before and enjoyed it. You should get better results that way.
Being nude with another man kind of turns of the sex mojo for some guys.
My ex in college made me a deal. I could have a mff threesome with her and her friend if she could have a mmf threesome with me and another guy. I’m not a prude and was down for it. Things worked out where the mmf was up first. Everything was going great. Had a great dinner and went home for some drinks before things got fun. At no point did I have any issues or reservations. It wasn’t until we went to the bedroom and the other guy started stripping that my dick decided to go on vacation without notice. They were getting into it so just left to let them have their fun. Took awhile before my ex noticed I wasn’t there. She came out and asked what was going on. I explained the situation and told her to go have fun I wasn’t mad or upset with anyone just could not get hard in the presence of another man. They did their thing and later my ex tried to apologize and I wasn’t having any of it. It wasn’t her fault and I really didn’t have an issue with it other than I didn’t have sex that night. A few weeks later the mff came up and I had an absolute blast and everyone had fun. We even invited her friend over a few more times while we were together. But yeah my dick just won’t work near another man.