I’m at momocon in Atlanta and I don’t know how to approach people because I really want to make friends but I’m so scared of making people uncomfortable because I don’t pass as female and I am just extremely uncomfortable with men. I don’t know what to do and I just really want to make friends. I feel like an alien.
Edit: I had an epiphany that people should absolutely use if they go to a convention and have this problem. Make a cosplay scavenger hunt list and go around looking for those in particular.
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I think they have events that allow to meet new people so I’d try to go to one especially if it’s an anime or game you like.
Just have fun and eventually your uncomfortable feeling might go away, maybe you might find someone to chill with along the way.
Breath an dry try and remember it’s ok to fail. But I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully.
Go up to people with awesome costumes and ask to take pictures with them. Ask how they made it, when or wear they purchased it, how long they’ve been into that character. Stuff like that
Maybe try to find someone with similar interests and try to start a conversation with that. I haven’t been to a con in a long time but you can visit some booths of things that interest you
I rode an ancient motorcycle around Australia and I was in a city I’d never been in before for New Years Eve (Adelaide). I saw some kid with a weird shirt on and I said, “Hey, what bar do the weirdos hang out at?”.
He pointed me to a place. I, and I don’t do this normally, walked in and yelled to the crowd, “Hey, I’m an American and I don’t know anyone in this city”.
I was immediately invited to a table and they got me super duper drunk and wouldn’t let me pay for a single round.
I would think an anime convention would work the same way. I think most conventions would work the same way. At least the kind of conventions I go to, and I’d be up for an anime convention.
Compliment someone’s cosplay, there’s good chance they’ll chat for a bit
Just being there can be a little overwhelming. Find a place with an area that feels comfortable to you. Hang out. No expectations. Some extrovert like me always finds people like you to just hang out with low key. I like shy people because they are usually the most thoughtful and observant.
Great advice in the other comments!
I’d add that there’s nothing alien about feeling nervous or uncomfortable at an large event solo. Almost everyone on earth experiences some level of social anxiety at convention-type events, so be sure to give yourself a little breathing room and try to remind yourself you don’t *have* to get too far out of your comfort zone.
Also: I hope I’m not being presumptuous but if you’re LGBTQ+ it might help to try to seek out allies or folks in the community—I only add this because you mentioned you are concerned about passing, and I’m sure there are people at the convention who can relate or help you navigate some of the specific anxieties you’re experiencing (and perhaps even become friends!)
Yeah, that’s been my experience going to any convention by myself.
just do your best to be friendly and genuine. think of it more like: how many people can I interact with today? instead of, i want THIS person to be my friend. because truthfully, i’ve been guilty of the latter and like.. that’s not how any of my friendships in life formed. I make friends a lot of the time by just making observations or asking questions and making eye contact with people and expecting nothing to come from it. like going up to someone who looks alone or a friendly looking group and being like candid with them and being like “i just got here from (blank) and it’s my first time here — where are you guys from?”
a lot of people at anime conventions, i guarantee, have social anxiety as well. it’s gonna be awkward. it always is, so just push through it! also it doesn’t matter if you think you’re passing or not, you goofball! that really, really doesn’t matter. everyone on this planet is inherently loveable and always has been, at every stage of their life. you deserve to take up space as much as any other landlubber there. you aren’t a before picture. you RIGHT NOW are complete and worthy of befriending. I’m afab and I am chill with anyone approaching as long as they’re reasonable/not aggro and most people are the same way. maybe try to find folks who look alone too!
remember to be gentle with yourself and be proud you even came out to the convention. I went to a funeral convention with all people my age and whatnot and i didn’t make any pals! I just talked to people here and there. it’s super normal. so don’t be hard on yourself. everyone’s there to have a good time and just as nervous as you! best of luck
Find people who are dressed as the same character as you or from the same franchise, start talking about said franchise, profit
I love the solution you found. Go you! 😃👍🔥
>I don’t pass as female and I am just extremely uncomfortable with men.
Edit: I didn’t know that phrase addressed to being a transwoman, I made my comment trying to cheer up a woman insecure about her looks. I’m gonna keep my comment below in case why the downvotes:
Talking to the likes of you makes me feel safe knowing that I’m not assumed the worst of me. I don’t seek friends but having a small talk genuinely feels sincere and comfortable around you.
Kinda unrelated but does the anime convention smell the way people say it does?
I felt the same way OP, I hardly ever go to anime conventions but a friend recently had a free ticket while they were helping to run a booth. The majority of people there looked way younger than me too I’m 32. All the pretty girls were especially intimidating in their skimpy outfits. So much for meeting a cute girl into anime lol.
Stop thinking, start approaching just by saying hey
Go to panels and just enjoy yourself
Wait in lines and make convo with people
Join a group of people doing a dance lol (only works if you know the dance)
Now I want to go to an anime con again. So freeing and fun. I went solo only once and it was interesting to say the least. I enjoyed the freedom to go anywhere I wanted. It is more fun to have friends for the rave and stuff but for panels it’s better to be alone
Go and randomly drop kick someone, that should really get the blood pumping!
A suggestion could be to ask someone in cosplay to take a photo with them.
Maybe they have an interesting accent and you can ask where they are from and start a conversation from that.
Once you get the social juices going it gets much easier
Bravery is when you push past that uncomfortable feeling and force yourself to interact with others. And that’s also when growth happens.
I know, it feels extremely scary. I have avoided lots of situations instead of enduring. But the situations I did endure, I always learned something from. I was always happy that I pushed my fears and I never had regrets afterwards.
find someone doing/wearing/interacting with something you are knowledgeable with and just start talking about that topic
I whent to japanday in Germany a few weks ago. Where i meet some online friends. There many ways to conect with people. And people that have same interests as you do.
Just be open for it. If your not very social it might not be easy at first but. Nothing will change if you dont willing to do the work and making steps to be more soical or getting friends.
I have autisme so i know how hard it can be. And how it might be a none stop process to getting closer where you want to be.
It might never be “fun” doing so. But it definitely does get easier the more you do it.
GO APE
God that’s relatable. I went to momocon last year, alone and I didn’t speak to anyone because I didn’t know anyone.
I’m going to try to go this year with people I know (on the weekend), but I just wanna say that I can absolutely relate to that because that was, and still is me.
Go to panels on subjects you are interested in – it’s a readymade subject of conversation that everyone else is interested in, too.
Same for viewings of movies, shows, trailers, etc.
May not be feasible now, but in the future, volunteer to help run things. It’s a great way to meet ppl. Go to the con organizational meetings during the year.
Hello how are you? Are you a woman? or a man? Do you want to be my friend?
Grab a „Free Hugs“ sign.
Works like a magnet and people have to do the first step towards you.
other people have given some great practical advice which i thin you should do, I wanna offer some mental help
I heard a great qoute the other day I think you should know,
Sometimes you have to give faith before it has been earned, otherwise they can never show you the good that they can do
Anytime you see someone that shares the same interests as you, let it be known. Tell them. People recognize a kind of kinship with someone that shares their interests. This is true about an event, at work or class, or even in a public place.
It sounds like you are surrounded by people just like you, who are very interested in something very niche. People will love you if you just express your interests and give compliments.
Check out the internet to see if there’s a discord channel for people rolling solo. I did this for PAX East this last spring and met up with a bunch of cool folks.
I’ve had more luck and confidence breaking the ice with strangers by being one of the first people to arrive.
You could get to an event/activity first and chat it up with someone who also seems to be by themselves. If their friends show up later you might even be invited to join the group
You “don’t pass as female.” Wtf does that even mean?
Talking to cosplayers and asking to take a photo with them is a good idea!
I went to one in my city a while back. I was like you, extremely shy, didn’t talk to anyone and just walked around on the first day. I saw a bunch of cosplayers of characters that I liked but I couldn’t my work up the nerve to talk to them and ask for a photo.
I thought to myself: these people are literally here to show off their cosplays, if you show your appreciation by asking and ask to take a photo together, why would they reject you? Why can’t you work up the nerve to do it?
So I made a list of characters and promised myself I’d go back the next day and find at least one cosplayer of each and ask them for a photo. And I did!
I did fumble a bit when I tried to strike up a conversation with them, but they didn’t seem to mind. Some of them gave me candy just for asking to take a photo with them, and one even shared her insta. I didn’t end up talking with them for very long but it’s still a big step for me to strike up conversations with total strangers.
It seemed daunting to talk to strangers as I was worried that I would be turned down, but as I found out, no one seemed to mind.
So, talking to cosplayers is one thing you can try. You can also talk to the artists too. I hope it goes well for you, good luck!