Not sure what it is about the weekend, I guess the lack of routine and not being consumed by my job but I end up arguing with my bf. I want to eventually get married he doesn’t want to get married. I want to try to have a baby he thinks I’m too broke to even think about having a baby. He hates my family and I haven’t even met his. When we first started dating he would bring up the possibility of marriage if we had a baby and he still sometimes says this. Given my age and health I really don’t think I’ll realistically ever become pregnant, but I’d still like to try. I can’t give up on it. I also don’t want to give up on getting married. I can’t be 50 and still be his gf. No way. If we don’t have a child he definitely doesn’t want to get married. He wants to buy a house together in the next couple of years. We’ve been together 4 years now I love him dearly he is a good man. I just worry that I am being delusional about our relationship. When we first began dating we had sex a lot for maybe the first year then that faded to nothing. He complained that I was too fat and said he’d find me more attractive if I lost weight. Well I’ve lost 50 pounds but now he says my skin is too loose and I’m skinny fat. So he’s still not attracted to me. He tells me I look terrible most of the time because I don’t put any effort into looking nice. He thinks I have no fashion sense. I’m no fashionista the type of clothing I’d like to wear I still can’t quite fit into. I’m still working on improving my body. We sleep in separate rooms. We live mostly like roommates. When he is sick I do a lot to help him like take a day off from work, get him soup, get his meds. He tells me to get insta cart. He works from home. He hates my cooking (never had this complaint before) yet he won’t cook. I feel like I put a lot of effort into pleasing him and it’s not enough for him he will easily point out what I didn’t do or said no to doing instead. I can be very sensitive. I feel like I’ll never be good enough for him. I’ll never look good enough or make enough money. Am I being too sensitive? Am I being unrealistic? Maybe I’ve watched too many hallmark movies growing up. I really want to get married, I don’t think I can compromise on that.
42 comments
This man does not like you. Id let go of the idea of marriage with him
OP, if a friend of yours sat down and told you this same story would your response to them be “He is just not that into you?” Love yourself and no longer put up with the body shaming that is going on. He does not love you for who you are and you should not waste any more time on the relationship and definitely DO NOT buy a house together. Find someone who loves you as you are and has compatible goals as you.
Sounds like a soul destroying relationship
Why would you want to have a baby with someone who you argue with every week?
Having a baby is not going to make things more chilled out.
You want a kid, get yourself knocked up by a clueless guy, but not from a guy who doesn’t want you or loves you?
You guys are incompatible. He doesn’t want to get married, have kids or buy a house with you. That’s fine and you shouldn’t try to co Vince him to do these things. You should move on and find someone with compatible life goals.
You are being used. Your bf doesn’t even like you. He doesn’t respect you at all. Leave him
This has got to be a troll post…. good on you to get rage bait
he doesn’t want to marry you or have kids with you.
he complains about your weight and looks.
If you are ok with being used and abused, then congrats! you found the correct relationship.
If you DO NOT WANT TO BE USED AND ABUSED, then you need to find a new relatinship.
I don’t think he likes you. I don’t think he wants you to be happy.
There are 5 positive words strung together here describing your relationship. “He is a good man” and they are surrounded by many, many others describing emotional abuse.
You deserve a healthy relationship with a partner who’s as invested as you are and who not only loves but LIKES you for who you are.
This man doesn’t even like you OP! Don’t you think 4 years is enough? Why do you want a baby with someone who demeans you every turn! You almost 40, I need you to do better! He is definitely not the one.
Babies and marriage don’t fix a relationship. Move out and leave this guy behind.
39 years old isn’t too old to start a family.
Good luck!
What are you doing? Seriously? Do you have such a low opinion of yourself that you think this is the relationship you deserve? It isn’t even a relationship, you have a sponge living with you. Get out of there, being alone is better than being lonely.
If you sorely want a baby, please please please do not have one with the sorry-excuse-for-a-man you call a boyfriend. Get yourself a sperm donor, or foster/adopt. Your “man” needs to do a complete 180° turnabout to be worth the BEAUTIFUL person you are. Leave him! Today!! It doesn’t matter where you go, but do your soul a favor and find joy in your every day! P.S. What did you see in him when you first met? Where’d it go?
He doesn’t sound like a nice guy and I’m not sure what you love about it. Please leave and find someone that treats you with respect.
This relationship is abusive, and you are in a cycle that won’t stop
You guys are not at all compatible. You need to think how this bad dynamic will play out in future years.
horrible relationship. find a better one. do not raise a kid under those circumstances.
Sounds like you know you’re wasting your time on this “man”, yet you still believe he’s a good man for you. Girl, RUN.
Do. Not. Marry. This. Man.
Do. Not. Have. Kids. With. This. Man.
He sounds awful. You are still young enough to possibly have a child. If he delays you that window will slam shut. Your clock is ticking loudly. I say separate asap. But good luck with any choice you make.
I didn’t get past the first 5 sentences before I determined that y’all aren’t compatible at all. Please find someone who matches your goals for your life.
Girl… you wrote all this down and you still think he’s a good man that you want to spend your life with?
I want you to read this again, dump him, and do some serious self work.
Should’ve left a long time ago. Click ticking….
Why would you marry this POS? What do you think marriage has to offer you that you’re so willing to put up with this and accept it? Do you just like rings and dresses or something? Being single for the rest of your life is infinitely better than this mess!
Your desire to get married and have a baby are consuming you to the point where you have been willing to put up with the maximum amount of pain, degradation, humiliation, disrespect, and apathy from your partner just for the slim hope that he will somehow suddenly and magically turn into your fairytale knight in shining armor. Please seek therapy because that is never going to happen.
I hate to be the one to tell you. My dad taught me early on words are cheap action/behavior speak the truth.
His behavior told me right off that he was gasligting you.
Your 39 and many women can have a child into their 40’s. Don’t sit where you are, while hoping he will see things your way, he has no intention of having a child.
I promised myself that if I had not met the person I would want to raise a child with, I would be artificially inseminated.
I have my son, and I’m not disappointed in the chance to be his mother. Please open your eyes and move forward.
“He is a good man”
Then you go on about how he treats badly, calls you fat, doesn’t help you… Come on. This is a terrible relationship and it makes no sense for you to marry this guy or have his baby.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
ur too old to be this stupid
Nothing will ever be enough because deep down he doesn’t want you that’s just real. He likes the idea of you and/or what you do for him but not you as a person. You deserve better fr move on and find someone who loves every inch of you for you. Staying to please him will only cause you pain because you’ll just be giving more and more without receiving anything in return besides criticism. Seems like you have alot of love to give don’t be afraid to find the person that deserves it. Prayers for you.
You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t want to get married if you do. You also shouldn’t be with someone who judges your ability to raise kids so negatively if you want to have them. You are fighting because you aren’t compatible. You should really consider looking for someone with the same relationship goals as you.
Why tf are you with a person who treats you this shitty? Love yourself more than this and leave.
He sounds like an awful person. It doesn’t sound like he even likes you. He’s insulting everything about you – your body, your clothes, your cooking. He doesn’t even take care of you when you’re sick. What is actually good about this man? Why do you stay with someone that treats you so poorly? OP, you need to leave. You’re better off alone than with someone that treats you with such low regard.
Honestly, your chances of having a kid are very very low. Stop arguing about a very unlikely scenario. Go and speak to a fertility specialist, get tested and see if there are med/tech options for you to conceive. If there are, start down that path on your own. Consider it a personal project, not a couple project.
If you succeed in conceiving, the relationship will sort itself out, likely it will end. You will likely be happier either way. If you don’t succeed in conceiving, you will at least know that your future is childfree and stop feeling hostage to this unhealthy relationship. It could open up a world of possibilities for new, better relationships or at least stop you fearing being single for a while. Being single is sooooo much more fun than how you are currently spending your weekends, lady.
This post made me so sad. Are you reading your words? It’s time to leave this relationship. You’re fighting on the weekends because you have time to actually be together and interact lol
You better leave him and get on bumble right now or he’s going to be the reason you don’t have a baby. I had to leave my ex over this. I turned 40 in January and just got pregnant. Get out right now. Time is ticking for a baby. And anyway, he doesn’t want to get married so he’s a dud.
Why the fuck would u wanna be with this fuck? He is an abusive pos! Leave his ass. Do NOT have a kid with him!!!! It will not fix anything i promise!!!! LEAVE!!!!!
He’s not a good man. He sucks. Being single sounds vastly preferable to living with an asshole who calls you unattractive.
Hes not committing to you now. This wont change. If you need and want commitment, you need to find a new partner.
GIIIRRRLLLLL!!!!! LEAVE THIS DUMPSTER DIVE!!!! NNEEOOWWW!!!
I’m sorry but you cannot be seriously even considering marrying this person!! He is disgusting and love is not enough to fix all that’s wrong about this situation. I’m on fire reading this!!! My gosh!!! You need to love and respect yourself to know that you are living in the land of constant disrespect!!! I wouldn’t even honor him with my hand in marriage, let alone make him a father. HELL TO THE NO!!! Throw Mr. Boy in the trash. He is NOT worth YOU!!! Sorry but I am pissed…for you!!!!
Ma’am, I’m going to be frank with you. This man doesn’t like you. He doesn’t want to marry you. You are a placeholder and if he eventually meets the woman he wants to marry, he will dump you and marry her quickly. Have you ever heard of those instances when a woman says she was with a guy for years, they break up and he married the next woman in six months? That’s what this is going to be. Dump him, get therapy, work on yourself, love yourself, then go find someone else to love and marry. Good luck.
“He’s a good man.”
*Proceeds to explain the very not good things he does*
No “good man” would treat the person they love the way he does.