How to get over paranoia in a relationship? | Should I break up with my boyfriend?

My (15F) boyfriend (17M) and I are in a long distance relationship; we’ve never met and have only been communicating online. We’ve been together for around 1.5 years already, and now that my boyfriend’s almost 18, he’ll (hopefully) be able to visit me soon (and yes, I know the dangers of meeting people online). We usually only message each other, since his family is extremely strict and controlling, but we’ve found a way to call each other. We had our first call in over a year today, and I was only able to speak a couple of short sentences because of paranoia.

For background information, I was born with a tongue tie (basically when my tongue was connected to the bottom of my mouth, so I can’t pronounce things correctly) and I got surgery for it a couple years ago. However, because the surgery happened so late in my life (it usually happens in infants), I still struggle with pronunciation. Throughout my life, I’ve heard many hurtful comments about my voice, and it’s developed a type of paranoia within me, to the point where I completely refuse to talk to anyone unless necessary. It’s caused a lack of friendships and relationships, and it’s obviously affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I’m always worried about whether he’ll leave me because of my voice.

To top it all off, I also have an anxious-avoidant (disorganized) attachment style. Here’s a short explanation of what that is from Google: “Individuals with disorganized attachment are usually desirous of love and affection, while at the same time terribly afraid of it. Spice of Lifers experience highs and lows at such depths that it’s hard for them to know what “steady ground” looks like.”

Basically, I’m always worried about him leaving me because I’m not good enough, that I’m different online vs irl, etc. I’ve also been diagnosed with depression, so that doesn’t help either. It’s gotten to the point where sometimes I try to break up with him whenever I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed because of fear that he’ll either leave me or I’m harming his mental health (but he always talks to me and calms me down).

Yes, I’ve already communicated with my boyfriend (he says he doesn’t care, and that he wants to be with me anyhow, and that none of it is my fault because it’s just what depression is making me think). And before anyone asks, I already have help for my depression (I’m on antidepressants). I’ve also tried therapy before, but I found that I can’t open up to a therapist due to insecurities.

So does anyone have any advice as to how to get over this paranoia? And as a bonus question, will this kind of relationship mentally strain my boyfriend? Would it really be better for me to end it?

Thanks!