I grew up in a environment where everyone would judge people based on looks and where they come from. I was also taught this way. People told me to not talk to certain people based on their looks like people with dirty clothes or things who do certain things. However when i would talk to them i discovered that these people were just normal people like me. I know that judging people who are a bit different is wrong and is unfair to do so. Problem is however that my experiences and my upbringing in this environment shaped me and i had to teach myself that this thinking is wrong. Problem is that still to this day i have these automatic thoughts of judgement and when im nervous around people i get nervous so sometimes i say something that arent mean spirited or anything but still a bit judgy. When im alone again and have time to think about my actions i wish i wouldnt have though and said such things. For someone who was bullied for years i know how much it sucks to be judged by others. I dont make people uncomfortable but these automatic thoughts are scary to me because im afraid they could turn into actual biases that i believe obe day. How can i stop these automatic thoughts?
3 comments
I think the fact that you are aware of what is going on and are here looking for solutions is huge. I remember reading somewhere that your first thoughts are what you were conditioned to think, and what you think next is who you really are. This is a problem I’ve struggled with too as I had a very judgmental mother who would say some really crappy things about peoples appearances. So any time I notice myself making a snap judgement, I stop myself and think about how I truly feel. I go from “that person looks ridiculous dressed like that” to “hey, look at how confident that person is, living the way they want to and not giving a damn. Good for them!” As long as you are aware and working on changing how you view things, you are headed in the right direction. And I don’t think there is any cure, I think it’s just a matter of practice and forgiving yourself for your snap judgments as that was the way you were raised.
I’m honestly struggling with the same thing so I don’t have a full answer, but so far I think that it’s just a matter of correcting yourself when you notice until it becomes a habit. I think it’s unfortunately a very slow process, but an exponential one (just that you start in the flatter area). The more progress you make, the easier and more progress you’ll make as a result. It’s just hard to get your foot in and then get to the rapid increase.
I try to just be like “no, they’re just a normal person and all these past experiences show that there is little correlation” or try to just not let it significantly affect my actions (such as by testing the assumption or judgment rather than acting on it). I also think that trying to change it from judging or making assumptions to instead making statements or observations helps (if that makes any sense, it’s quite subtle). Just try to understand the processes your psychology takes to change habits and such and how long of a process that is. That helps me be patient and less hard on myself at least.
I grew up with an unrepentant bigot for a father, I’ve spent my life trying to stomp out what he was. I too have snap judgements that I overrule with deliberate knowledge that denies what I grew up with. Even to this day(I’m 55) I know people who do exactly what they learned as children. Makes me sad, people who don’t want to learn.
Having opened your eyes to the individuality of each person, you only have to deny what others told you. I love this kind of earthquake of a shift in my thinking. No exaggeration the ripple that this produces requires a reexamination of basic assumptions about everything.
Your thoughts are not entirely under your control, what you do with the impulses is where your control is.