I (41m) am high functioning on the autism spectrum. On paper I should be a catch…good job, fit, healthy, dress well, good hygiene, outgoing, and kind. I put a lot of effort into a good online dating profile and get a fair number of matches (especially women in their early to mid-30’s) even though I live in a smallish town of about 30k people.
I have some success in meeting people in person, often engaging in great conversations while doing active or fun things. Unfortunately, after 2-3 dates I tend to get the same response…”you seem like an attractive, intelligent, and nice person but there’s just something about you and I don’t feel a romantic connection.”
It’s a blow to confidence to be continually rejected based on personality. Like many high functioning people on the ASD spectrum, I’ve learned to mask it well but that only works initially. I want to be my genuine self but it feels like most people don’t get me. If I stated that I have ASD on my online dating profile I doubt I would get many matches at all.
I’m feeling depressed about it and am not sure what to do. I’m not getting any younger and am open to having a family before too much longer. I am outgoing and enjoy going out but I can be socially awkward if I let my guard down. It’s really hard when you’re genuine self is not appealing to most dates. What to do??
4 comments
Similiar for myself.
Here for discussion!
If it’s a pattern, I would look back on what you did specifically for each one. Were you attentive and asking them questions about themselves? Do you text them enough to show interest in them but not too much that it’s overwhelming?
You also have to think about if it truly wasn’t a good fit; do you guys get along well? Were there any dealbreakers on either end? And sometimes the heart just isn’t ready (talking about them, not OP) and they could be getting over a recent breakup
I’d also try doing different hobbies to naturally meet new people, and there are also dating mixers in big cities. Look up some local mixers to see if that’s something worth going too
For me, I joined a club and met someone there. We celebrated our 1yr a few months ago. And don’t give up! I believe you’ll find someone perfect for you
Try being upfront about neing on the spectrum?
Migth give you a lot less dates, but also less confusion after date number 2 or 3?