Girls that I meet seem turned off that I am a virgin, even though I’m not looking for sex.

7 comments

1. it can be a lot of pressure to be someone’s first time, so maybe that’s why. or they may be after someone more experienced. given you’re only 19 though, many people are virgins at that age so i’m surprised others around that age are turned off by it.

2. Honestly, I’ve (21f) been with two men in my life. Both were virgins. My ex of 5 years was terrible in bed because he refused to try anything more than missionary and doggy. He wouldn’t go down on me or even kiss me in a make out kind of way. My current bf (22m) was a virgin up until 3 months ago. He loves kissing me, he wants to try everything, and he is enthusiastic about wanting to get me off. I personally don’t mind virgins at all. It has everything to do with enthusiasm and willingness to try new things. Good luck.

3. Honesty is a big thing for me as well. I don’t think you should compromise on it. As a guy I can’t really comment on whether it is a turn off. I’m sure for some women it is and for some it is not. If you put a gun to my head, I would guess for most it is.

   I relate to how you feel, as someone who lost his virginity later in life. Did these feelings of being “useless” or feeling bad come off when you mentioned being a virgin? There’s the saying about it’s not what you say but how you say it. I also feel like I’ve read posts from women on reddit, perhaps this sub, saying that shame around virginity is a red flag or seen as a negative.

   If true, I think the above is a little unfair. I think its completely natural to feel nervous about sharing that information, knowing what societal expectations are for men, the pressure of losing their virginity. Being vulnerable and in a position to be judged is scary. But, people have their preferences, which can be influenced by timing and age.

   It could have just been a string of bad luck where you went on dates with women for whom that was very important. I think getting to a place where you are content with being a virgin and continuing to be honest would be your best bet. If you look through this sub, I’m sure you will find more posts from women speaking positively/neutrally about their current bf or person they’re seeing being a virgin and what they can do make it a good experience for him, than something shameful.

4. Rather than blurting out I am a virgin. Maybe be a little more tactful and elaborate.

   I’m still a virgin because I want my first time to be with someone who will take the time to help me become a good lover.

5. I think you need to get someone emotionally invested first if your a virgin. I would just tell them you wanna take things slow for the first couple dates and when you find someone who has stuck around through that then break that to them.

   A lot of people on dating apps are just trying to hook up or are playing some sort of game where they are just looking for better and better each time. But if you can get dates easy eventually you find someone who will vibe with you enough.

6. Some women are wary of virgins since they, by virtue of inexperience, tend not to be as good in bed until some investment of time is made. Or they might be virgin because they hold puritanical views. In my experience, though, these women are a small minority, or they’re seeking ONSes rather than dating.

   Are you certain it’s your virginity? Conversations go dry for any number of reasons, and tbh I suspect that your virginity is far more prominent in your mind than in theirs.

7. They may just have misinterpreted that info as a come on. As in “I’m a virgin, we should change that together ;)”

   Not saying you *were* coming on to them but it is an intimate and personal piece of info to offer about yourself which is only relevant to them if you’re actively trying to change it…