i have friends and i’m grateful, but all of my friends have their own best friends who they gush about and claim they’re on soulmate or sister levels with them. i feel so alone because i don’t have that, and it hurts to hear them say this especially since it means to me that since they have such close best friends i can never get to that place with them.
edit: thank you all so much for the advice, i feel better after reading and less alone. and everyone going through this too, i wish you guys the best! it’ll get better
48 comments
Welcome to adult life , i dont have best friends nor even friends that i could relate to .
I’ve never had a best friend, and I’m just fine.
Nah, I don’t either you are not alone.
Everyone has at least one best friend. Its the friend who treats you the best and you love the most. If that’s you, you are your best friend. If that’s all of your friends, they are all your besy friends. Its not always reciprocated. Its also only as important as it feels to you. Not everyone cares, some people care a lot.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It is really hard to not have that close connection. Someone to tell almost everything about. I do have a best friend from childhood. But our relationship involves going years without communication, and the only time we do communicate is a quick catch-up convo over text around our birthdays. It does suck.
I’ve found that I feel safer that way than accidentally making friends with someone who is back-biting or gossipy, etc. So it works for me personally.
I don’t know if this helps, but I didn’t find my best friend til I was 28. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right person.
Most of us have no friends. Life made us bitter. We had dear ones taken from us or we screwed up and lost them.
Living alone is happier and much more freeing. I only have a best friend because the sex is good and I plan to marry him because he gets me at my worst.
Otherwise this little wolf would be running solo for life. My career and ambitions stop for no one.
If it makes you feel better, a lot of people don’t have that kind of best friend. I used to really want that because I see it on tv all the time. Now, I’ve made peace when not having that kind of friendship. Though, t’s normal to be occasionally envious of that.
> all of my friends have their own best friends who they gush about
sounds a bit immature tbh. you’ll get over those sentiments too
A Best friend is someone who naturally becomes your best friend after time and shared experiences together. I wouldn’t worry about it. You have friends, and if the friendship is genuine then you have people who care about you and that’s all that really matters.
If you can, take each time you think to yourself about lacking a bestie. Take a deep slow breath. And then think about something you have passion for. Then do something realted to it or make plans to. If you don’t have something like that. Think of something new to try and put that shit into your calender. Literally anything expand your horizons. You’ll find someone to connect with this way. Maybe even a bestie. Wishing you the best
I seem to be the guy that joins new friend groups just in time for the drama to break out and everybody stops talking to each other so I get it. Just enjoy the friends you have while you have them.
I used to not have friends at all but I just accepted that and moved on with it, but I eventually mades some friends over time and notice how cute they’re relationships with their besties were,and I started to wish I had that, I eventually met what I would call my “best friend” because of another friend, that same best friend was also best friends with that person since childhood, so I kinda felt like an extra at first, but it turns out they started dating so they where technically not best friends anymore, so I just considered me and him best friends since I was the only other person who was that close with him, so I guess sometimes you can share best friends, I started to hang out with this best friend more frequently, a little more than his girl, so she low key started to not like me, so I met someone else who I wanna call my second best friend but it’s kinda wavering, im not sure if he even considers me his best friend, back then I thought I’d never find someone like that, but it just kinda happened unexpectedly.
Maaaaaaan, I hate leaving comments but I hope this one helps you out. I’m 23 rn, I was a pretty normal kid growing up in the US, had some friends, some best friends, the works y’know? But my first day of college my best friend passed away and immediately I felt disconnected from everyone, for years I had no difference mentally between my coworkers and my best buddies who I lived with, I didn’t feel close to any of them for years, then I met someone who I opened up to and ended up becoming best friends with very quickly, that was last year, now we hang almost everyday, chat all the time and I finally feel like I have a best friend again. What I’m trying to say is that it’s not anything wrong with you, you’re not some outcast for not having a best friend, and sometimes you’ll find friends in unlikely places, I used to keep my distance from coworkers and now I’m boutta to live with one of them and another one will be 5 minutes away and I couldn’t be more excited. Sorry for the rant, TLDR disconnected myself for years and someone still hopped in my life trying to be my best friend
How old are you? It feels kind of immature that they are gushing about best friends
All of my best friends in the past have ended up hurting me, so having close friends is good enough for me. I don’t need a best friend, my life is the same with and without them.
I’m wondering, do you want a best friend just because everyone else has one? If your friends didn’t have a best friend, would you care to have one too?
every time i have a bestie like that it turns out i’m actually codependent with them… i’m working on not having a bestie right now and forming healthy relationships instead 🙂 the grass is always greener i suppose
As someone who put all their eggs in one basket for the last decade and learned the hard way, here are my two cents. Take them, toss them, double them and give them to the next person, do as you wish with the advice since I’ll be deleting the comment in a few days anyway:
I think your concept of a best friend is hurting yourself more than benefitting you and perhaps needs to be tweaked. Personally I don’t believe in a single best friend since I love all my friends. They’re all my best friends one way or another.
Do understand there are also acquaintances in your life who shouldn’t be confused with actual friends. Acquaintances are people you people you sporadically socialize with (at school, work, in public settings). Then there are friends who are cool, but don’t really want to spend more than an hour with, and that is completely OK. Remember: balance.
You have friends and I see you’re grateful, but are you truly grateful? See the other comments; some people don’t even have that. Adult life has consequences with socialization becoming harder as you try to establish yourself education/career/family wise.
Now with your friend group, you should have friends that balance you out in specific ways – that’s the reason you enjoy them as much as they enjoy you. For example, some of my friends are great to travel with, who go with the flow of the unknown that I couldn’t do by myself. Some are party animals that push me out of my comfort zone. Some are introverts who bring me down when I need to calm down and recharge. They are all “best” for you as you are to them in a specific way.
From past experience, it can become overwhelming (and you risk a huge disappointment, if all fails) to focus on just one “best” person who is able to do all the exact things YOU need for yourself. Say if you lose that one best friend as a result of them finding a significant other, moving/passing away, having a child/family, schooling/work, etc. all valid personal goals or parts of life – it will be an unnecessary pain brought onto you by YOU putting them ahead of yourself not to mention they may feel guilty for bettering themselves at the cost of hurting you.
I leave you with this: You’re only making it harder on yourself by focusing on those other friends that have an extra preference to specific friends – it’s affecting your self-worth and what you believe *they* think about you. Focus on yourself when those other friends are all busy doing “best friend shit” (whatever that is) and if you feel that you have too much time on your hands: find a hobby. As you grow, so too should the things YOU love – forget about others because our likes/preferences grow with us. When you do things you love (sports, art, movies, walking, travel, dining out, reading, concerts, etc.) the higher the chance of finding other people who love things YOU love eventually creating a special kind of friend: the “best friend” you seek.
I’m 20. I had many friends during my teenage years 13-17. After 3 years, they don’t even remember me. I consider my self as a no social life. ZERO friend, only work-school-house girl. I don’t even have friend at my college. All of my classmates had their own bestfriends or small group of friends already in our first semester. But me, I have no one. Since our 1st year in college is purely online and I suck at communicating through chats (+ my depression) I didn’t have the chance to make a friend at my first year. I also transfer college, so new introduction again. But yeah, these days I don’t really have friends. It’s been 3 years, since I started working while studying. I never had the chance to socialize and it just happen that I’m friendless young adult who has loads of responsibilities in life.
ps. I don’t have any close friends at work too.
— But I’m still open and waiting for the right people to come to my life and become my lifelong friends. I am not rushing it nor will force anyone to become close to me. I’ll just embrace how my life flows…
I didn’t get this until I was 26 or 27; lost the friendship when I was 40. 🙃I am doubtful that I’ll find anything like that again. I’m grateful I got to experience it. I have a ton of acquaintances, but no “3am friends” as I’ve heard them called.
I got mine when I was 34. It was a two for one because I have 2 best friends gained in the same year.
I wonder now if I was just open to it then. It took me years to know how important these women were going to be in my life.
I have a theory that it takes hundreds of hours to make a best friend. Give it time.
I don’t recall ever having a best friend. Just friends. There have been one or two people who have said that I am their best friend after a few hang outs, and I have to tell them that everybody is equal to me.
Maybe you need to try to stop yearning for a best friend.
I’m 45 and I’ve never had a best friend. Just several friends. Some better than other for some stuff (Helen is better listening, Tom is more interesting arguing about political stuff, Miguel is great at gaming, we all have great times when partying…). And I’m not hurt at all.
Maybe I could say that I actually have a best friend: my SO. But it’s also true that I sometimes need Helen and/or Tom to speak about my relationship, and then they are my best friends at that moment.
I also don’t have a single preferred color or number or flavor or animal or anything. Life is too dynamic and flexible for that.
I used to see people who had them and think I would love to have that level of fun and closeness and understanding with someone. But then when I would spend more time one on one with people I clicked with, I realized I don’t want it. Do you really want someone up in your business all the time? Think about it. There’s probably a reason why you don’t have one. And it might just be because deep inside you don’t really want one, you just like the idea of one.
You don’t have your own because you are focused on what other people are doing and experiencing instead of yourself.
If you judge yourself against others, then you will never measure up; you will always be Less Than.
Best Friendship is a weird thing, because no one you ask to define it will give the same answer as another person. There’s not really such a thing as Best Friends; it’s too complicated for that.
Who do you like hanging out with the most? That’s your best friend. Or maybe it’s the person whose interests best align with your own. Or maybe it’s that one person who you’ve been through hell and back with.
The label of Best Friend implies a level of quality among friendships, which is self-sabotaging. If there’s a Best, then obvious there *has* to be a worst, or a less than, or a second-to, and you know what they say about those who place Second – they’re just first in line of losers.
If you continue to search for something so nebulous in life, you likely will not find it, because when you do find a “Best” friend, you will likely not notice because they aren’t Best-Enough.
Find happiness within yourself and other people will come to you. Or not. Who cares? You’d be focused on your own happiness first, so the rest is just set dressing.
My “best friend” owes me 400 dollars and is cool with losing a life long friend over it.
I don’t even have friends. I don’t even have my nuclear family. Trust me, you aren’t alone.
I don’t have a best friend. I just have a couple of good friends. The best out of those I communicate with via text because they live in other states. My suggestion is to not to live life in comparrison to others. Their friends, their cars, their partners, their kids, their homes, we only see the good parts. It’s why they say the grass is always greener on the other side. Also trying to find a “best friend” comes from a place of need instead of give. So people end up being clingily instead of outgoing in relationships.
I don’t have one. It’s great.
I just got dumped by my best friend and it hurts like hell. So if it’s any consolation, it’s a risk and reward kind of situation much like everything else. I just found out she changed her number and is very much still connected with our other friends so that feels like her picking on a wound that’s gotta heal. Uh but if you still want one, I truly hope you find yours and it lasts x
Ah that’s how I grow up
You’re not alone for sure. Lots of have no best friends, or even friends for that matter. Be open to going out more, and don’t let the poison of loneliness get to you!
It really sucks but you’re not alone. I don’t know anyone who truly has a best friend. My childhood friend and I call each other best friends but we talk 3 times a year and are lucky to even see each other at least once.
This! I felt like this for a looong time. I always had some very good friends, but for a long time, my best friend was my boyfriend and that was just not it… It was two years after high school when I reunited with my friend. We didn’t really spoke to each other during high school… and then, we shared a moment and from that day on, we became so close… But I guess it really requires to open up to someone – and to be on the same page. And that takes the right timing and the right mindset from both sides I guess.
Good luck and don’t worry! <3
My best friend of 5 years cut me off a few months ago to hangout with drug addicts. It hurt a lot at first but we were codependent for a long time and I realize now that it can be nice having friends but not being super close with anyone.
I have no friends and the only person that talks to me is my mom. People are annoying af in general.
Trust me when I say this, you don’t need a best friend. All my friends are close, but we don’t have one exclusive friend.
I always assumed this to be a middle school concept. No offense. I just can’t see a person existing that is my go-to for this and that since various friends meet various needs and I meet various needs for them.
in my 20s here. I have a friend group but all of them have friends in the group they like better/prefer more. I always feel left out on the regular. Still hoping it gets better. But i am slowly getting used to not having a best friend. And slowly but surely figuring out that im happy with or without a bff.
I think the idea of ONE best friend is childish.
I feel this. I’m 32 and I never hang out with anyone. I have a childhood friend I’ve known since we were 8, and they value my friendship a lot… but it’s not a best friendship, if that makes sense.
I hate it. It’s lonely af. It’s to the point now, I don’t even know how to keep a conversation going outside of humor/making others laugh.
I don’t have friends
Sadly this is the world we live in. I’m almost 40 and I can’t remember when I had an actual friend, let alone a ‘best’ friend. My wife and kids are my besties
Lol a LOT of people don’t have best friends … I had a “best friend” for about 9 years, but I just blocked the idiot from every social media 3 months ago
You are not the only person without a best friend. Welcome to the isle of misfit toys. You are definitely not alone
I felt that way for a long time I used to go to sleep crying and started crying as soon as I woke. I had thought that being alone meant I was a bad person. This went on for years. Them I learned how to be my own best friend and today I love myself and I’ve never looked back since!
1. don’t make a need. you will find one, everyone has their time!
2. you are your greatest friend who will always be there with you so always be good to yourself.
3. even though having a best friend is good, life is not fair and those survive who learn to adapt, eagles fly alone while others flock together!
In grade 3 my “best friend” ditched me for another “best friend” and the two ostracised me. I can say since then I have not had a “best friend”. However, now I am nearly 30 I have a vast array of awesome friends, some whom I’m closer to than others, however I don’t believe in the concept of a “best friend” just because I don’t think that one person can meet all your needs. So at this point I am comfortable going through life with good friends from many different circles