This is a question for straight men but everyone feel free to chime in.
How many of you lose interest in a girl if she sleeps with you too soon? I’ve had 3 out of 5 relationships where we had sex the night we met. But I just wanted to see your opinion here. Like if you’re having fun with a girl and you end up at her place and you guys feel close and it happens, do you automatically put her in the one-night-stand category? Or does it depend on the girl, or what you’re looking for? One of my exes said that if we hadn’t slept together, he probably wouldn’t have texted to hang out again because at that point in time he wasn’t looking for a relationship and me withholding sex would have told him that I was and we’re looking for different things. (Well we were kind of, but ended up together anyway and it was my healthiest relationship). But of course then there’s also this dialogue of men like to hunt and no one appreciates what’s easy, etc.
Looking forward to your thoughts!
16 comments
Personally, if I sleep with someone too soon, I feel like it sets a certain kind of casual dynamic that is harder to move to something serious from as opposed to starting serious
If she sleeps with me on the first date I have mostly ruled her out for a long term relationship, no matter how hypocritical that may seem. She definitely still has a chance and context matters, if there’s actual electricity flying between us and it happens then okay, she’s not ruled out.
This question also goes both ways. As a girl, I’ve had sex on the first date and lost interest immediately afterwards.
I don’t believe there’s something definitively “telling” about a person’s choice to have sex on the first date. There’s lots of reasons it might make sense: you’ve known each other a while, or there’s been sexual tension for a while, or maybe you just WANT TO and don’t care about “how it looks”
If a guy ever “wrote me off” solely for my adult decision to engage in consensual sex with him (who also made the same adult decision) then I don’t want to be with that person anyway.
So I wouldn’t encourage anyone to “not have sex” because it might “make him think you’re loose”
I WOULD encourage ppl to not have sex though bc waiting DOES usually increase the sexual chemistry and can build a nice romantic intensity where you both feel a little more invested in this thing 🥰
As a girl: having BAD SEX on the first date, I’m out ✌️
If I [M29] experience good sexual chemistry with someone I will be more interested in them not less. Sleeping with someone sooner rather than later is preferable because if the chemistry seems to be there then why wait? I have had relationships where I had sex quickly into and one’s where I waited a long time. I am fine waiting if it seems like there is momentum towards an exciting physical relationship. If after several dates there does not appear to be much progression towards physical intimacy then I loose interest.
I have dated allot and I just cannot understand why some people say that they don’t take someone seriously for a relationship if they have sex on the first date. If I had sex on the first date and it was terrible sex then yeah I would not be too interested in a second date. But if there is sex on the first date and it’s good then why would I not want to keep seeing the person and see where things lead in regards to a possible long term relationship. I really don’t understand this attitude from some guys that there is a wall of separation between “just a hookup” and “relationship material”. What is wrong with something starting as a hookup and then evolving as you get to know the person through subsequent meetups? It seems like allot of gross sexism and “slut-shaming” goes into the notion that a hookup can’t become something more serious (if that is what both people want) down the line and frankly I can’t stand this attitude, get yourself some therapy fellas!
Every guy is different, really hard to even give a general answer. Some guys would be into it I’m sure, and some would consider even suggesting sex a dealbreaker.
I haven’t really thought about it but the like 2 times I’ve slept with a girl the night we met there was no intention on either side for that to be a relationship.
I talked with my current fiancée for 3 weeks before we met as I was traveling etc. On the first date she slept with me and didn’t think anything about it.
It all depends, some one nighters can be a that, others can turn into something real
I don’t like one nighters. I like to keep seeing them for awhile, for an entire season or two, if we connect.
You’re a hypocrite of the highest order if you do this.
It’s a projection.
You don’t respect yourself first. Because you’re just as “low” for sleeping with someone on the first date.
I took my wife home on our first date. After our second night together, she asked if I respected her less. I said, “I was in that bed with you.” (She said, “And the shower and the dining room table and….”
By the end of our third week together, we had so much stuff at each other’s house you couldn’t tell whose was whose. By the fourth month, we had rented my house out. On the eighth month, to the day, we got married.
The truth is that some guys will write you off as a fuck-buddy if you give it up too soon. I suggest writing them off as hypocritical, misogynistic SOBs.
Okay so my answer is under the assumption that we didn’t know each other before the first date. If we knew each other beforehand then there may be tension and the decision to date was more informed.
My first dates with people I don’t know are always in public. A dinner or coffee or walking around the farmers market or something casual with talking as the focus.
The only way a public meeting leads to sex is one of us inviting the other over, which means one feels like there is a great connection and the other agrees.
That being said I have noticed something others have observed in their own relationships. Whenever there is sex in the first couple dates the relationship seems to move at a faster pace and both people are definitely wearing rose colored glasses.
I haven’t been in a relationship or even on a date in over a year (depression, lack of career, etc), but the more I learn about hormones and how my brain works after sex… I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want sex until a commitment is in place. Sex makes me feel so connected and loved and desired… It definitely changes how I think of the person.
I def lose interest. If it’s too easy it gives me a vibe that you’re desperate to get over someone or you just don’t see yourself bringing anything to the table besides your body. There have been girls that I didn’t even sleep with. I just pushed them back and wasn’t even feeling them. Desperation gives anyone the ick. Like idk you, I haven’t even shown you the bare minimum of interest or effort yet, you’re ready. I’m just going to get comfortable and bored after today.
all I can say is yikes. folks here on reddit are sick and disrespectful
*But of course then there’s also this dialogue of men like to hunt and no one appreciates what’s easy, etc. *
This is one of the biggest lies in the dating world.
Ive slept with plenty of women on the 1st date and then hung out with them often afterwards (if the sex was okay or good). Im not looking for a relationship, so that may have some bearing. Having said that, i fell for one girl real hard and we both cried our eyes out when i had to leave her country and return to mine.
Nothing is more of a turn off for me than a woman who plays mind games (playing hard to get, etc). And its a real turn on if a woman shows genuine interest and enthusiasm in meeting up.
My ideal scenarion is :
Match online.
Text and get good responses from her.
Arrange to meet the next day.
Flirt, charm, engage, escalate and bang.
Hang out afterwards multiple times and enjoy our time together.
If it’s a guy you actually want for a relationship you just don’t do it. It’s biological and the majority of high value men will find it to be a flaw. They’ll take you up on it but immediately puts doubts about you as a long term gf in their head. There is a reason people talk about a 3 date rule.