A family friend texted me and now my husband doesn’t trust me
If you asked me (35F) a week ago if we would be arguing about cheating I would have laughed so hard, but here I am. Me and my husband(39M) have been together 15 years and have never had a fight about either of us straying.
We were at his brother’s wedding were we saw a family friend who my husband has known for years. Me and him have always had a friendly relationship. There was an after party we were all going to and me and my husband decided to bail. I get a gross text message asking me where I was and saying some explicit shit. I have always been very friendly, but in my mind never flirty. I didn’t show my husband the message immediately as we were with the kids and didn’t get the chance. So I hand him my phone for directions and he sees it. I say to him, “ Ya can you believe that? It is gross, right?” I still don’t even know how this guy got my number and the only reason I clicked it was from him was because he referenced a joke I had made earlier in the day. My husband is so mad telling me he can’t trust me and I should have seen this coming. Honestly, I think he is right looking back in it, but I see this guy every 4 years and never without my husband and never without my in laws. I don’t know what to do. We have had such a solid relationship up to this point and he feels like I am hiding more from him, but I am not. I truly thought it was the grossest thing and assumed my husband would feel the same. How do I get him to see past his anger and listen to the truth? I would never risk my relationship or my family and the thought of making my husband feel like I would is making me sick to my stomach. He is the best thing in the world and his friend went and shit on it. The idea of me flirting with another person is so absurd to me and honestly was never my intention. We have always had our own friends and never put constraints on each other because it was never needed. I am just lost
Edited for clarity
5 comments
Your family friend is being a freaking weirdo.
I understand why he’s upset. Give your husband some time to process it; when he’s ready to talk about it, reassure him of your love and respect for your relationship. I’m sure he’ll come around once he sees you’re not trying to hide anything.
You can understand why your husband is upset. I would be livid. This is serious business and you have a lot of explaining to do. You may be totally innocent (but then again you may not), but you must treat this seriously. First, explain how this guy knew your number. You say you don’t know hw he got it. Maybe, you should try to find out who gave it to him. Call everyone at the party, if you have to. Secondly, why did you wait until your husband found the message on your phone to even discuss it with him? This was almost 2 days after you received the text. You should have brought it up to him immediately upon receiving. That screams to me that you were hiding something. Were you ever going to tell him about it? And finally, how is it that someone you see once every 4 years felt comfortable enough with you to send a sexually explicit message like that, especially knowing you are married. You must have flirted pretty hard and strong with him, if he felt bold enough to send that message. You sound like someone who craves attention. Well, you got it, and it just may have ended your marriage.
So this guy made his intentions clear when you were together considering you admit you should have seen this coming, and you didn’t tell your husband about the text, and now you’re surprised why he isn’t trusting you?
I would change your position that this is a him issue and start to realize you fucked up and go from there. The way you write this sounds like you feel your husbands anger is just something he needs to get over while side stepping any blame that is rightfully put on you, which is a really bad way to move past something like this.
You should have seen getting sexually harassed coming??? Wow. Your hubby is real winner, isn’t he. Either:
A) Sounds like your husband has secrets of his own and latched into this to make you the bad guy, unless the joke was “haha, I love getting gross sexually explicit messages from men other than my husband! Aren’t I funny?” I’m having a hard time imagining how you could have “invited” this.
B) Your relationship is not as healthy and happy as you’re claiming and you’re hiding huge issues that led up to this.
Couples counseling stat.
Do you know your husband to be the jealous type? Is there no other reason for him to be suspicious? Besides the fact that you should ‘ve told him before he saw it himself, but I get that if in 15 years there were no issues of trust between you, you wouldn’t get the same urge to make sure it won’t turn into a disaster. Go find out why he did it, how and from who he got your number and so on…unfortunately, it’s not all up to you, I sort of see myself in your husbands situation (the stuff of NIGHTMARES) so I like to think I not only get it but feel it – one undesirable scenario is one of the man accused of rape, even after he proves his innocence he might still be the man who was accused of rape, in the eyes of some….know what i mean?!