It just comes out of nowhere at times and hits like a fucking sledgehammer.
I’m a 23M, just fresh out final year of med school. This is what I wanted to do since junior high and I’m enjoying it. I’ve a small but closely knit group of friends that I can trust and be myself with. I have hobbies I enjoy. I’m not in the best shape I could be but I’m working on it. I have a family that is supportive and loving. I have been slowly pulling myself out of social media since last year and now only have Reddit for my hobbies and WhatsApp for work.
I’m mostly content with my life. But sometimes, out of the blue Inadequacy raises its hideous head and I feel powerless against it. It doesn’t care where I am or what I’m doing. It feels like when you barely submerge your head in a swimming pool— you can sort of make out the outside world, but the noise drowns out. It’s just you and your ugly thoughts. I sort of close off during that, just responding when being directly spoken too.
Do any of you feel this way? If so, how do you cope with it? As it is, I can only sleep and hope it’s gone by the time I wake up.
16 comments
Drugs and alcohol, mostly
I don’t really cope with it. It’ll probably kill me eventually.
You’re only 23. Give it time. You’re doing great.
By letting go of all expectations for anything and everything
Well man, I make it a point to remind myself that the only person I’m competing against in life is myself. I just try to be the best that I can, and if I fail at something then it’s no big deal, I just know what I need to work on or just accept defeat and move on. 2 things that help are that I have a loving and supportive wife, and a little girl who loves me and looks up to me. And who attempts to imitate me on things. So I push myself to be strong, for her.
Wow we live a very similar life! I also don’t really have an answer yet. I just get overwhelmed sometimes and the last few years it’s been happening a bit more I guess. What I try to do is just acknowledge that I’m feeling this way, but in fact that it is just a feeling, because in reality I don’t think I’ve been really inadequate for something soo why are we feeling this way then?
Try to filter out expectations of others, and always do your best!
I appreciate the sentiment, I also would like to add that whenever you have any feelings of self doubt, don’t forget how much you’ve already accomplished in your life. I don’t know what field of medicine you’re going into but I do know that with a medical degree you’re going to have the opportunity to change someones life , and probably on a regular basis. And I’ll tell ya this much man, the only thing they’re going to care about is how you helped them.
Who are you comparing yourself to?
Maybe you should look into some therapy.
I sometimes remind myself:
we don’t need to be perfect to be great,
and we don’t need to be great to be good.
By not putting myself in that situation in the first place by being responsible and having a plan.
Age and experience.
At 37, I no longer give a shit. Not to say that I’ve given up, just that going through the grind and up/down cycle long enough has given rise to the realisation that you’re just giving yourself a hard time for nothing at all.
It’s hard when you’re young, society puts a shit ton of pressure on you to put all that pressure on yourself. Just know that when you get to a certain age you will reach a “choice” to either keep trying to be ‘young’, ‘cool’, ‘successful’, ‘fit’, ‘attractive’ etc and keep hammering yourself into the ground physically and mentally in pursuit of some unattainable standard. Or you can accept that it’s all just bullshit, other people’s opinions of you don’t matter one bit, society’s ‘standard’ of being some chad rock star millionaire james bond ultra man is poisoning your idea of existence, even if you don’t agree with it. You can realise that to be happy, all you need to do is accept and support yourself in whatever you do, accept that most other men feel the same, take joy in just doing what you do, keep fit because it feels good, not because you want to impress women, embrace your interests and things that bring you joy, laugh at cock and balls drawn randomly on a wall because it’s funny even though you’re a grown man, try, fail, learn, grow accept and enjoy it.
Realise that all men, all over the world get the same shit and bear the same burden, and really just mostly want to be able to be themselves without judgement and pressure to ‘be’ something else. We are all brothers in this, and should support each other wherever possible, cos we’re discouraged from doing so from a young age, and it can get fucking lonely and hard.
Hopefully it comes sooner rather than later, but once it comes, and if you embrace rather than fight it, there is a peace beyond belief, maybe a little regret for all the years you spent giving yourself grief, but remember, that this was all just a learning curve to get to where you are.
Oh, and also, get a dog, they think you are the absolute business and you are the centre of their world regardless of anything and they can teach you a lot about yourself. They really don’t call them man’s best friend for nothing. Good luck out there man.
No trouble at all man. We’re all in this nonsense together, and the joy of growing out of giving a shit is far too good not to share. You’ll see.
Honestly there is only one way of thinking that can completely wash away any feeling of inadequacy.
You are OK the way you are. You arent perfect and thats fine. Nobody is. Where ever you are right now in life, whatever is happening, you will be fine.
Those statements are true. No debate. They are for you, for me and for everybody else out there. You dont need to be the best version of yourself today. You can try to be that for the future and if that doesnt work out, thats ok too. You can always try again. You are worth all the love and happines in life without needing to prove yourself, to anyone or yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. Show compassion to yourself and forgive your own shortcomings.
You got this. I believe in you.
Also i realize how weird this comments sounds but i recommend giving it a serious try.
Best wishes, an internet stranger
Well don’t do what I did and accept it and ruin your life.
I know who I am and I also know I didn’t make this world the way it is. I value myself more than anyone else or their opinion. Feeling inadequacy would mean I care what someone else thinks too much. I’ve certainly been there, but it’s an error in judgment to feel that way unless you have promised someone more than you can deliver. Instead of inadequacy I usually feel under appreciated. I could be doing a lot of things but instead I’m here (wherever that is…) and these people, this situation etc is never perfect. That’s just the way it is. It’s a nearly universal condition of being human. Since I can’t really do what I want to do, not being rich…I am in the habit of saying “fuck it” if anything aggravates me long enough. Detach from whatever is bugging you, unless you are enjoying it on some level or need to do it for work. That and stay off social media.
Also…try turning the feeling around. You are not inadequate, the world is imperfect and in no way designed to suit. This might lead to feelings of contempt for the way things are, but I find that to be preferable to thinking I am personally some how inadequate to this world. This world is ridiculous. As has been said by others “It’s no measure of health to be well adapted to a sick society”.