Back story, my husband 35m and I 35F have been married for 7 years, together for a little more than 8. We lived in Austin, TX, where I’m from, and living there was just getting too expensive. We talked about other places and I brought up his hometown of Cleveland, OH. He was hesitant at first because well, it’s Cleveland, OH (his words). But he hadn’t seen his family in a long time and had lost some dear ones over the years. He and I finally made the decision to move to his hometown. Biggest mistake of my life. Sorry for the really long post, I’m not sure if it makes sense but I can hardly keep my thoughts straight.
Saturday night May 20th
11:16pm bill time stamp Applebee’s
Got home 2:05am
Went alone/ went with coworkers/ went with 1 worker, an OLD LADY (all the lies I heard) he was actually supposed to be at work till 7am.
Memorial Day weekend
Well, he cheated. It wasn’t an OLD LADY it was an ex. He apparently wants her and he doesn’t want to lose her a second time. I’m so disappointed, so angry, so hurt.
Sometimes I just can’t. He’s a totally different person to me now. I used to think of him as someone who would never hurt me, ever. And now I just can’t stop picturing him kissing her, holding her, fondling her. Wanting to be with her, wanting to have sex with her. It’s just too much.
He lied to my fucking face Saturday night. This asshole gave that bitch the heads up about me finding out about them and they planned a fucking fake goodbye that just reeked of BULLSHIT!!!! I bet they had a good laugh that night after I feel asleep. I just fucking knew it was bullshit. It completely cancelled out everything that happened in the night to early morning hours of Sunday. He “opened up” to me, he cried. Blah blah blah is was I thought about it all when I read that these fuckers didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s feelings but their own. And when I confronted him about it he was just flabbergasted. He slightly denied it and kept denying until I muttered the word “chaos”. He had the actual fucking gall to be angry with me that I found out it was all bullshit that I went through his stuff. Please what I found was way fucking worse than me going through your stuff. I did apologize for invading his privacy and eventually he said that he understood why.
Am I just hearing more lies?!?! I don’t fucking know what’s the truth anymore. Is everything that comes out of his mouth a lie. I cannot tell what is lie and what is truth. It’s driving me crazy.
I met his family at a big picnic and it took all my fucking strength not to break down. I almost did a couple times. It was so strange everyone happy to see him and thinking how great he was. Not knowing the horrible amount of pain I was in. Not knowing what their precious Jab had done to his wife. I WANTED TO FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!!
Now he’s “ok” with cutting her out of his life (Monday) but on Saturday evening he lied to my fucking face. He pretended to cut her out and those two fucking bastards were just gonna keep talking/fucking flirting and god knows what else.
I want to believe him, I really really do. I just don’t know if I can. He’s already lied to me so many times, I just don’t know if I buy that NOW he no longer cares about her. He keeps saying “fuck her” “don’t think about her”. And gets so emotional when telling me. He almost wants to cry when he tells me to “forget her”. Reminds me of the “tears” when he “ended their friendship/perverted texting/meeting”. Reminds me of the “tears” from last Sunday when I was grilling him about who he was there with at Applebee’s and he just made me feel like a fucking idiot when I found out the actual truth. Those “tears” to me signify that he is lying to me. He was all those other time with his damn fucking “tears”.
Part of me feels that as soon as I fall asleep that’s he’s gonna be texting her. As soon as I’m gone for work tomorrow (Tuesday) he’s gonna text her. They’re just gonna be laughing at me that he was able to sucker me in to more of his lies. They’re gonna be talking about how much they want each other, how they’re gonna have to be more careful and how they love how each other feels. I JUST CANT WITH THIS!
It breaks my heart so fucking much I can’t even deal with the pain, I don’t know how. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I have to plaster happiness on my face because seeing him all torn up makes me feel bad. Like bitch fucking please, I shouldn’t feel bad for anything. I may have gone through his stuff but only because I knew something was off. And sure enough I found what I didn’t want to find. I was really hoping I was wrong, that I was being unreasonable or “crazy” like he said I was last Sunday when I grilled him about Applebees.
At this point I’ve said I’m gonna trust him, even though my dumbass really shouldn’t. Like please he’s already burned that fucking bridge more than once. I’m either really fucking stupid or just very naïve to believe him after everything’s that happened.
I still don’t know, I’m still not 100% I’m maybe like at a 40% and that’s being generous. I’m so fucking torn and it’s driving me crazy trying to decide what to do. I don’t know if I can just trust him and never bring it up again. I just know it’s gonna eat me alive, the uncertainty.
I wish this never happened, I wish we NEVER FUCKING MOVED UP HERE!!! I never thought he’d hurt me like this. I just want to scream so fucking loud that my damn ears pop!!!!
WE HADNT EVEN BEEN HERE IN CLEVELAND FOR A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don’t know what to do, this has never happen to me before. I’m just so entirely heartbroken and yet for some reason I still want him, why!?!
Edit: I’m 7 weeks pregnant and the other girl is married with kids of her own. I have high blood pressure, my last pregnancy was pretty bad. I expressed some fears when I found out about the pregnancy because of the HBP and my husband suggested I get an abortion, for my health. That he and our kids would rather have me alive than die with a rough pregnancy. Now I can’t help but think he said it because of her.
33 comments
Pretty sure she’s the reason he wanted to move there in the first place. I’m so sorry. I wish I had advice for you. If you have your own family, move back with them.
Get documentation of the adultery and explore your divorce lawyer options in both Texas and Ohio. The relocation complicates things. In some cases I’ve heard of relocating entitles the spouse to special damages. Moving back to a hometown things like this happen linking up with an ex.
Just be cool explore your relocation options get a lawyer and get a written confession by messenger or texts about the adultery
Just move back to San Antonio
First things first, it’s not your fault and NEVER blame yourself. You made a huge commitment to him and he to you, he betrayed that. It still makes sense that you want to be with him. You never broke your end. It’s entirely unfair to you and quite frankly it’s fucked up. Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate bond to someone you will never break. It sounds like you know what you want though. Here are my thoughts.
You probably will never trust him fully again, logically it’s so uncommon for someone to be able to forgive and forget something like that, not saying it can’t happen but props to you if you ever could make that happen. Have you thought about therapy? It can really help get your thoughts sorted out.
If that’s what you found just while scrolling through, there’s no telling what else there is. I don’t mean to make you have negative thoughts, but it’s true. If he hid that and was so open to telling you about it after you told him you knew, who’s to say he hasn’t done that with someone else?
The moving to his hometown thing? If his family is just a cover, which it sounds like it is, that is so unbelievably messed up. (who does that?)
I am so so sorry you have to go through this. No one deserves that. And just as no one deserves that, you also do not have to put up with it. I’m young, I know, but my parents got divorced and they couldn’t be happier currently. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, you might have fallen in love with who he was or the facade he was putting up with but you clearly don’t love what he did or who he is when he’s hiding things from you currently. Give some serious thought to if you really deserve this (the answer is NO) or if you can forgive him and genuinely believe he is telling you the truth. If the answer is no, you should get out of there ASAP and sever the bridge before it gets worse so you can start your healing process. Whatever you choose best of luck to you, so sorry once again. -Keller
OP,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please, go see a therapist to talk out your emotions, which are totally understandable and justifiable right now.
You don’t want to make any decisions right now while you’re in this frame of mind. A therapist can help you process you hurt and anger and help you to decide your next steps, including whether to start joint therapy or talking to a lawyer. Regardless, keep the evidence you’ve found until you have that conversation with a therapist.
Good luck, OP.
I’m also pregnant and the other girl is married as well, smh.
Cheaters cheat. You cannot trust him. You should get a lawyer and divorce him. Take everything you can in the process.
Please leave. Please. Take what ever you can’t replace and go. Your wasting your life. He doesn’t deserve you.
Cheaters are the absolute worst. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It is a process – at times you’ll want things to work, you will believe him, you will pretend it’s all okay. But eventually you will get sick of all the lies and betrayal and won’t tolerate it anymore.
Do you have a close friend or family member that you can reach out to? It’s difficult to go through this alone, especially in a strange place.
I’m so sorry OP. I would get proof of them cheating and send that to her husband. He deserves to know.
You should also leave him. Don’t put up with any more of his lies. Giving you my love.
I’d get a lawyer and end this. You should speak to a lawyer either way to know your options.
You should tell her husband. He deserves to know and I’m sure you would want him to tell you if he knew and you didn’t.
If you want to work this out, which I don’t suggest, tell the OBS and your families. Quickest way to blow up an affair is to have it exposed. Two spouses monitoring the situation is harder for cheaters to work around than only one spouse knowing.
I’m really sorry 😞
Sucks having to see the one you thought had your back betray doesn’t it ? You want him but it’s obvious he doesn’t feel the same . The hell with it , go out and get the one that has all those desires for you .
Hi there. Best thing to do is get a divorce. Your personal peace isn’t worth anyone else’s time.
Get an attorney and be done with him as soon as you can.regards.
how old is she
What kills me even more is that he’s been cheated on before. Early on in our relationship we talked a bit about our pasts. I felt so much pain for him, that someone would do that to such a great guy. I thought to myself “he would never do that to me, because he knows what it feels like”, I guess I was wrong.
Go see a lawyer you hbp is not because your pg it because this Ahiole cheated on you from what I read he is not going stop get documentation of it save the if you can a recording of him admitting to it in a roundabout way, C, if your in-laws are receptive, give this information of him cheating on, you expose him for the dirtbag that he is if you see if you can move back in with your family. And if you want to try to save this marriage, what comes under It is not open for negotiation. He must cut all contact with her and if you even get a smell he hasn’t it’s over and this a must the two of you going to marriage counseling this to is not open for negotiation good luck
women are resilient especially mothers you will move on, now you need to put yourself first, i know it feels like the end and you feel lost but i promise you it will get better you are not the first nor the last woman to experience this and you have nothing to feel ashamed of, it´s on him, you didn´t do nothing wrong and i can promise you he will regret it because the grass always looks greener on the other side also if you can i would reach out to the husband of his lover and let him now, cheaters deserve every single thing they get, karma for being trash
Sorry to hear. Pls get a lawyer and file for a divorce due to his adultery. It will make him regret his decision to do what he did.
Stay strong and sending healing energy your way
Did you reach out to her husband?
So, I think you better start with an exit strategy. Put all your ducks in a row i.e. Cash flow, how will you get by rent or mortgage etc. Give him consequences, so maybe then he can get his head out of her vagina.
Set up must have boundaries.
* Phone, PC, Ipad’s etc passwords
* No contact with her- None at all this is not negotiable.
* Tell his family. All of them. Embarrass the shit out of him.
* Set your rules, not his rules for him to get away with shit.
* Follow through with your rules or he will just keep doing the same.
Good luck and its a very long road ahead.
Give me the name I will do the digging
Gather up your evidence, keep screenshots of any texts or messages he leaves admitting to be unfaithful. Divorce his ass demand custody and child support and live your best fucking life the way you want too. I’m so sorry that this is happening and I know the sense of dread and a hole in your heart makes you feel so empty. Reach out to friends or parents and lean on them, you can do this!
If he’s gone without you being around the outcome is very questionable. Just be. Cool gather evidence, find an attorney and leave town. You didn’t quit he did.
I will be honest. I don’t want to comment become what I am saying is not what you want to hear. If you don’t want to read something brutally honest don’t read pass this sentence.
He loves you but he’s not in love with you. He’s in love with his EX. He wanted her but he settled with you. That’s no slight! There’s probably a man from your past that was once in love with you but settled for whoever he’s with now.
He wanted to build his life with his EX but she didn’t see him as a financial partner. She seen him more as a good time boy. Now she’s older, stable, content with life as also he is now… well they can finally be together again. He wants you to have his babies, take care his house, his babies while he sleeps with her until he’s had his feel. He also hopes you will give in and let him be with her romantically. He doesn’t need kids with her he only needs her affection, sex, mental simulation.
Your problem here? You’re in love with him. You wanted kids, house, family, a life with him. He accepts that but again he isn’t in love with you. He’s in love with her and always been in love with her. He never stopped thinking about her and he used reverse psychology on you to accept moving to Cleveland. I can see he’s figured you out, he knows how to play you. He’s a wolf right now preying on your weaknesses. You’re not a weak person but he knows your weaknesses and he’s using them against you!
He isn’t laughing at you… he’s using you. You’re locked into a love triangle that’s going down a haunting road of manipulation, usery, anger, and sooner or later revenge or extreme hostility. My advice? Divorce him. You you stay with him? You have no one to blame but yourself. He will continue to cheat on you… frankly he probably has atleast once before this one.
You will NEVER find happiness with him. You will be the loneliest, depressed mom living in a broken marriage… and everything will feel like a debate or argument sooner or later. Trust me! Be strong and divorce his ass! Go get a lawyer right now and take him to court for everything you can possibly get!
He will continue to abuse your love, your trust, he will continue to violate the sacrament that is your marriage. Those kids will understand when they’re older! And it’s easier to divorce when theyre babies and toddlers! Divorce is extremely hard on teenagers. The advice I am giving you is the unbiased best advice you will get! Brutal honesty. You married someone whose not the man you thought / wanted him to be! Such is life cute rope and be free lady. There’s a better life, and a better man down road if you want that in time.
Check ops comment history, she’s commenting on other dudes pics how she wants to ride them.
Once he has cheated, he WILL do it again and again. I can GUARANTEE it. Leave and never look back. He will lie and say ANYTHING to try to get back with you, but don’t fall for the BS.
Record your conversation of him admiting his affaire,keep all you have of proofs of their affaires and continue looking(text messages you can see also via iPad,emails,look your bank accounts to see suspect transactions,look if he buy her stuff from différents store/sites,…),call a shark lawyer soon as possible ,seperate your assets and contact her husband! You must must be more clever so dont tell him anything now ZIP IT and change every codes of everything you have(phone/emails/sites/…)to be able to expose their affair for the divorce!
They’re not going to break up sweetie, they’re just going to find ways of being more clandestine. I’m so sorry for you for what this vile excuse of a man is putting you through.
Don’t keep up an appearance in front of his family, why should you? Let them know he’s a lying cheating scumbag who cried crocodile tears when he got caught. Hopefully you’ll get some support.
I also suggest you let his affair partner’s husband know what’s going on, he deserves to know what his wife is up to.
Whatever you decide to do in the future, know we’re all rooting for you.
Sending internet hugs
It sucks, we are kinda on the same timeline right now. My wife decided she didn’t want to be a wife anymore and goes out every night this weekend spending a max of 2 hours at the house. It’s the first time I’ve seen her wear a thong in 4 years. Boobs hanging out and everything. I’m distraught too. I confronted her and she immediately called her dad and they were making fun of me for being hurt by it like I was the problem. Honestly the only thing getting me through this is my two dogs haven’t left my side. I haven’t told anyone about what’s going on I just shut down. Dive into some good books and find some inner peace until the steam clears. Best you can do it level yourself and do some real thinking about your current place in life and what the next best move is. They made their move, now think what yours is going to be. I wish you nothing but inner peace and motivation in whatever step you feel you need to take next.
So right now, you are covering up for your cheating husband, in order to protect his good guy image in front of his family. You, his pregnant wife, are listening to his lies and even allow him to hide his phone from you. He’s a proven cheater, what are the consequences he had? Why would he stop cheating when you do nothing?
I feel for your pain and your shame, even if he should be the one feeling shame. Get a lawyer. You should leave him after you expose what he did to his pregnant wife to his whole family and to the husband of the affair partner. There is no going back from this. He has shown you his ugly character and your trust in him will never recover and never should. Do not subject your kids to witness a sham marriage where their cheater father walks all over their doormat mother.
I 100% believe this is an attention seeking post and OP is a troll! If you check their comment history you’ll see that NONE of the math is mathin 🤷♀️ how bored do you have to be to come up with this long lie 🤦♀️ I agree with ALOT of comments here saying you need therapy, but NOT for the reason they thought! 1 year ago and 2 years ago, you’re commenting on NSFW content rating BBCs. 5 years ago you said that 2 years prior you left an 11 year relationship, yet in this post you say you and your husband have been married for 7 years and together for over 8 🤔 math was my WORST subject, still is, and EVEN I know how to add and subtract. Hopefully people see my comment and stop giving you attention. Good luck. I truly hope you get the help YOU need!
People on here have given you sound advise, so all I’m gonna say is godspeed…. You deserve better and he is a weak asshole.
Kick him out.
File for divorce and child support
Reach out to her husband to share evidence.
You need a lawyer.