Hi everyone, I’m italian so please dont be to hard on my english.
Everything started the last of october 2022, I met this girl and went crazy, she Is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, I was in a relationship so didn’t make the first move but after a couple of weeks she send me a text inviting me out. We werent friends on any social so she actually searched hard to find me.
We went out and everything was just like a film, all perfect, I fell in love almost immediately, and left the previous girl (we were at the end anyway). Then, we started to notice eachother little toxic traits, I have an anxious attachment model and she is quite avoidant.
Also I tend to self sabotage, I have hard time finding pleasure in things and really tend to devalue myself, but I’m in therapy working on these things.
Despite the first month was great, her avoidant traits triggered my anxiety and I started being a bit needy, this caused a bit of ups and downs but I put more effort and things became to improve.
Also outside the relationship things were going better for me. I was happy.
Then I had an accident with the motorbike, a big one, I was uninjured but destroyed the moto, wich Is fundamental for my job, managed to going on anyway but the accident in someway activate all my autodestructive behaviour, and things became slowly to go south.
I became more needy, she struggled with this and tried her best buy failed, I became more and more passive aggressive until during a weekend we had a strong argument that fortunately we resolved making love in such a sweet way, but It wasnt enough for my destructive inner self, and the next day I was passive aggressive again, so she brokedown, I immediately realized I fucked up and became terrorized, fearing she would leave me anyway, so tried to make peace like the day before, but she was a stonewall, this made me a desperate patetic crying child, asking for understanding of my issues and reassurance.
She didn’t left me, but in two days she was really far away emotionally.
We are from the same city, but she works and lives in another city 130km away, so she went back to her place and our messages became cold. I tried my best to put my shit togheder and to be adult and functioning again. She decided to came back to stay 10 days to try fixing the situation, we were not spontaneous, I was very insecure, and she was cold and not attracted, in some way we managed to get things better, we had sex again, and the last three days were ok, she also said She would like ti start therapy to try ti fix her attachment style. From there things improved a little, but she’s not the same. We are less spontaneous, we have sex, but is not the great sex we use to have, we don’t make love in that sweet way anymore, she Is less on me, less warm and entusiasth, and I’m freaking out. I love her so much, but I’m now insecure and totally triggered in my issues. I fear I’m not attractive anymore and that she stays only because she Is not accepting with herself that Is over cause started so well.
Other things to say are that I’m too much on the relationship than her, she said she feels like i live for the relationship and she doesnt like it, and I agree with her, I need to give my things more space, but right now I struggle giving me enough importance to actually care about myself, and also my destructive self Is so triggered I struggle defend the relationship from self sabotage.
We have holiday booked for August, and It seems she is still willing to go, but I’m afraid I could ruin everything before that date, I want her back.
TL,DR Started great on october, at first It was great, than we started to spiralize triggering eachother, me more than her, until I became passive aggressive so much that we almost break up. From that she’s cold, I’m insecure and no longer spontaneous. It seems she’s willing to stay but Im scared anyway and suffering because I feel she’s less into me.
Sorry again if my english its not that fluent and the text doesnt flow, also sorry if its chaotic or poor on information , feel free to ask anything.
Thanks to everyone