30f confused about 36m’s behavior and messages

17 comments

1. I don’t think it’s weird to text him first, like “Hi, how are you doing today.” or ” Hey.” An see where the conversation goes

2. No it’s not desperate to text first. It shows ur interested. N men love to feel needed. He knows ur intentions and where you stand. Good for u.

3. >Now I told him I just find him attractive and interesting and would like to get to know him.

   When you said this to him, what was his response?

4. Tbh, maybe I’m just weird or something but when I read this, his written note, my thought was he’s hoping you say sex.

5. Never confuse assertive for desperate

6. Not weird at all I see nothing wrong on both parts your overthinking gotta relax.

7. You are reading too much into it. He didn’t expect you telling him you liked him and is trying to hang out and getting to know you. The fact that he was looking for you is good sign.
   From his response and question, he is a black and white person. He wants to know you are not playing games and messing up with his head.

   Your response is good and not desperate. He is a factual guy, your response should be “ I like you, I like to get to know you to see if there are compatibility. Would you be interested?”
   Now you just have to wait

8. Are you guys in the same school or company or what ?

9. From a (M34), nothing is more attractive than a woman who goes out on a limb to tell you she likes you and you can feel she means it. The reason he asked is probably because you’re giving him mixed signals and maybe it’s beginning to frustrate him a little. Don’t try and play the game, just be yourself and go with the flow if you’re interested. Otherwise tell him he’s not for you so he can get on with things and you can too. But if you do like him then tell him in person and not over a text. He’s obviously interested in you so go make it obvious. It’s not desperate to be clear and concise about your interest. A man who knows respect will just take a woman’s word for it and not chase of she’s playing hard to get. He won’t chase. Especially at his age. You’ll want to get out of that mentality if you still think men are into that in their thirties

   Edit: forgot how old I truly am

10. Watch YouTuber Mathew Hussey he teaches you how to dodge toxic men, not saying he is. His number one rule is to never tell them what you want as they will fake being this perfect guy for a few weeks or months then his true behaviour will show once he knows you’ve caught feelings.

11. This feels like a strange way for adults, 30 & 36, to be interacting….

12. You guys are too old for this. Call him/ ask to meet up and discuss it

13. I find that his age is something to be aware of and he is acting like an elementary school boy passing notes but not asking directly. Honestly that would turn me off. I need certainty and confidence. My husband straight up said ” You are cute. I am in to you”

14. What do you want from me May mean what are you looking for . For example a hook up or relationship Be direct with him .

15. I guess you made your part and replied to him, and the ball is indeed in his court, let him message you back on his own! You may seem desperate if you message him again and he didn’t reply yet!

16. Guys feel just as insecure and unsure about themselves and about dating as women do. Especially in today’s world.

    I think he was asking to clarify because there are all sorts of answers you could give: Not interested in anything but just wanted to tell you I’m intrigued by you? A hook-up? Friends with benefits? Dating around and want you to be one of the guys? Would like to explore dating each other? Really really like you?

    It is not weird for you to text him. First. Or at any time. Especially if you really like him. When you’re together and explore each other’s preferences, experiences, etc., you may become surprised by how little experience he has dating…or that he is more shy than you realize… or some of his past experiences with women.. or that he doesn’t completely understand some social cues…. or that he likes to have things carefully planned when taking a risk – all of which might give you more context about what he asked you what he asked you (and maybe even why he wrote it in a note). In your next few interactions, you can maybe ask him directly why he thought there were some inconsistencies- as I think it might help you understand him better and how he prefers to interact with you. (Like maybe you sought out friends at times or needed alone time when he thought you would always seek him out in return each time. That conversation will be a great ice breaker in better knowing styles and tendencies and preferences to help you both know what your natural styles are in and out of a relationship.)

    This is an exciting time in getting to know someone and potentially make a connection. Text him, and go have fun getting to know him.

    Edit: After reading your replies to some comments, he may not be addressing your question directly for all sorts of reasons…. not sure he’s ready for a relationship, may want you as a friend but is gay, likes you immensely but fears you may not really like him, wants to know you really do like him before he fully engages, has had a crush on you for longer than you know or had feelings for him, etc. He is trying to read the room, but he may have some things he is trying to keep close to his vest until he knows you are a “safe space” to be vulnerable and open up about them.

17. I would just completely leave the ball in his court now. Don’t make any obvious signs that you like him as he might just be getting off on the attention, wait to see if he makes a move. I feel like if he really likes you, he will let you know! And if not you can move on 🙂