I [27F] hooked up with this guy last year and I was a virgin. I took my time before hooking up with him because I was unsure if I was truly ready for it – being casual would mean he could bail anytime and it could just be a one-time thing.
I decided I was horny for him and took the risk anyway, I want this to be a fwb thing ideally. I want to continue sleeping with someone I’m attracted to and get better at sex.
We had sex. We hit each other up for more a couple of times after. But it would always be bad timing and so it never happened. Our contact died off.
I got (sexually) frustrated. Told him I want to be fwb (aka more frequent sex) and asked if he is on the same page. Guy replied he would get back to me on that. ??? I am taking it as a no.
I’m real bummed out though, I took my chances with him and wanted it to be a regular thing before even sleeping with him. I don’t want to put myself out there and sleep around randomly. I want a fuck buddy that I’m already attracted to.
So yea that was my story. A girl offering coitus and getting rejected? Shocker, I know. But hey, I’m here to tell you it happens 💀
32 comments
Damn that’s rough. Sounds like he is playing his options. Try not to let it get to you, there are a lot of us out here that are sexually frustrated and can’t do anything about it lol
Guy probably had post nut clarity and he sees you as clingy type. Maybe try a dating app, you can easily hook up with someone there. Just be careful OP.
>Guy replied he would get back to me on that. ??? I am taking it as a no
It’s not a “no”, it’s a maybe: maybe he is trying to get in an exclusive relationship, maybe he is worried that by fwb you actually expect sth closer to relationship not just hookups etc.
Lmao just imagine how funny this would read if the sexes were reversed.
you’ll probably do better in dating and seeking out sex if you realise individual men have their own individual thoughts. A girl offering their body to a man and being rejected is hardly rare or unheard of?
Sounds to me that he has a lot of options already. Or maybe he’s looking for something more?
Still tho, sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
You actually thought casual sex as a virgin was a good idea?
And yes he’s rejected you but once again because you’re so inexperienced you won’t have a clue as to why even though it’s fairly obvious
I don’t get the scandal. it’s a simple rejection, it happens to men every day
Well you are still very young and no kids yet. You can easily find other men when dating, do not let this one guy get you down to much. Yes you really wanted more but sometimes it is not in the cards.
Rejection is a part of life. It’s better to use it as a learning experience. Don’t feel bad. It’s just how it is. Everyone goes through it in one way shape or form.
This is extremely normal for men
Since this is r/dating_advice I’ll say the same advice given to men, “their actions show they’re not interested, learn to move on, plenty of fish in the sea”
If he’s just a fwb material, you aren’t emotionally attached to him and it’s just your ego hurting, right? You can just get another one… 🙄
You sound more shocked than the audience reading your story would be.
Why are you surprised? You are probably more attracted to him than he is to you. He probably has more options so don’t be surprised at all.
The thing is that you have to build a bit of a friendship before you can be fwb. Some guys want to have sex asap when they meet you but then they judge you for being too easy. I don’t like the fwb arrangement personally because if you meet someone who wants to be in a relationship you have to either drop the fwb or start the relationship with cheating and lies. But you may give up your fwb for a relationship that doesn’t work out, so it’s a risk. I have a hard boundary, no sex without a committed relationship. Lots of guys nope out when I tell them, and that’s fine it’s a vetting process. If I guy acts like hanging out with me without having sex is a waste of time , then I know that he doesn’t really enjoy my company or care about me as a person. And that is someone who I don’t want to waste my time with.
If you offered me coitus, I’d probably say no too. You come across as a bit intense, and FWB is meant to not be that.
It sounds like you knew there was little chance for this to become serious going into it, but you hoped you could somehow get him to change his mind about it, and now that he hasn’t, you’re upset.
Rejection is never fun, but this seems like the very obvious conclusion considering where things started.
There will be other men that you will be attracted to that you’ll want to sleep with on an ongoing basis. This one just isn’t the one. Move on.
You did not offer coitus and got rejected. You offered a type of relationship and got rejected
>I don’t want to put myself out there and sleep around randomly.
Have you ever heard about… realtionships?
I don’t really get the drama. You had sex, the contact died off… these kinds of things happen when you hook up with someone. Maybe he found someone else. This is the reason why relationships exist. You can’t expect to tie down someone while not in a relationship.
Equality works both ways, rejection hurts no matter the gender.
Is this shocking to anybody? Men turning down sex is not rare or strange
Here’s a shocker. Guys turn down sex and don’t always want it. Drop your misconceptions at the door
hopefully if you just wanted sex you wont care but maybe he is interested in someone and doesnt want them to find out hes sleeping with someone on the regular. just a guys pov
“I decided I was horny for him” is such a weird sentence lol. This whole post looks like it was typed by an alien
So you had sex with him at some point months ago, haven’t seen him since, and he doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore?
Sounds like maybe he’s just moved on or isn’t interested in casual sex at this stage anymore.
Personally I would find it weird if someone I hooked up with months in the past and I lost all contact with hit me up to be FWB – you’re not even friends, just two people that had sex and exchanged some texts.
Losing your virginity to a FWB was never a good idea. While not true for everyone, losing your virginity usually comes with some big emotions. A FWB isn’t the type of relationship that has those. You have sex, usually you don’t talk. If you do talk, it’s very basic conversation. Heavy Talk leads to feelings.
Feelings in an FWB unless you both have them lead to someone getting hurt.
FWB are a wonderful thing, I’ve had them myself but you have to be able handle it. A lot of people can’t, virgin or not. Sex can be just sex for pleasure but many people need/want an emotional attachment also. There is nothing wrong with that.
Rejection sucks. I’m sorry that happened. It’s happened to us all, male and female. It hurts right now but you will be ok.💕
He wanted someone more experienced….
No offense, but you’re acting really entitled. He doesn’t owe you sex just because you have the attitude of “I want it so I should get it”. Also just because you had sex doesn’t mean he has to keep having sex with you just because you set your expectations of having him as a fwb. You don’t say you ever discussed this with him or if he even wanted to before just assuming you could keep sleeping with him.
It likely that since you sort of died off contact that he moved on. Also with fwb you need to be friends first and it seemed like you had maybe met him a few times but not really hung out as friends.
Well cause that same attraction isn’t going the same way if I’m being honest. To have a fuck buddy there’s gotta be some kind of relationship, such as a friendship with a mutual sexual attraction. He also probably doesn’t like the thought of only being a guy who’s convenient for sex. Or else he’s just not interested in pursuing something else with you, which is common in people who typically hookup
OP, you’re correct: no answer is a clear answer “no.”
Chalk this guy up to a first time, the partner you chose for your sexual debut. Don’t take it too personally that he’s drifted on: despite the vast weight of assumptions and projection in comments, we have no way of knowing what he’s thinking.
Put that memory on a trophy shelf, dust yourself off, and get back out there. Have yourself a Hot Girl Summer if you feel like it. Life’s short, have some fun.
i mean now if guys reject me i just reject them back and completely cut them out of my life so i’d do the same