So I (25M) identify as heterosexual cisgender male in a happy relationship with my girlfriend (26F). However, ever since I was very young (much earlier than meeting my partner), I have had a weird fantasy of watching a woman perform a choreographed set of moves, wearing a very specific attire, and I would masturbate to this vision. This is an unrealistic fantasy that I cannot take action on (it breaks the laws of physics).
Here’s the weird part. I do not have physical sexual attraction to the women I see in these visions, and do not want to have sex with them myself. It is not always a specific person I see in this vision. I simply check sometimes to see if someone I randomly come across in my daily life would “look appropriate” if I cast them in this character, and if they do, I fantasize. In the vision, I, as I am physically, am not participating in the act. I do not even interact with them, and they do not know I am there. It is like watching the lady perform a very specific dance in a particular costume, and pleasuring myself to the image of this whole \*event\*, with all its action, lights and sounds, not the person themselves. It is not even explicit and does not involve nudity.
Even more interesting is that I do not think that the various girls I have truly been attracted to throughout my life would “look appropriate” for this performance. So, throughout life, I do not imagine my celebrity crushes in this fantasy. And I would never ask my partner to act out this fantasy for me – it would not be sexually appealing to me to watch her do it. In fact, all the people I have imagined in this fantasy (real or fictional) are people I have found “plain” or and at the risk of sounding unkind, sometimes even ugly. But the general pattern is someone I do not find attractive. They are all of different ethnicity than the people I have romantically pursued.
So, what is this phenomenon? Is it a “kink”? To my understanding, a kink is a specific sexual fantasy you would want to explore during intercourse, and I have a different set of those that my partner and I enjoy. Please help me understand this. And does continuing to have this fantasy mean that I am emotionally cheating on my partner?
5 comments
No, it’s not cheating as there’s no emotional or physical connection. What you have is just a fantasy, or a kink of sexy lingerie on a woman, and it’s completely normal. Sex can be fun and does not not need to be “vanilla.” Explore, experiment and most importantly, have fun.
It could be a kink or fetish yes
Totally a fetish.
Just because you’re not actively involved, doesn’t mean it’s not sexy.
Not all kinks/fetishes have to be sexual in nature. I learned a lot about BDSM from a friend where there was zero sexual chemistry. She like being covered in wax and hit and I liked covering her in wax and hitting her. People seem to think that kink has to end in sex or is purely about sexual arousal but often times its the opposite, its just what you like.
it’s a fetish, just an unusual one (which is ok!) unless you’re specifically imagining a woman you know in that position and you start fantasizing about her all the time or something i don’t think it’s an issue, but that could be different for other people