What is the most supportive thing your partner can do while a man is going through unemployment or reduced wages?

9 comments

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2. Just make sure he knows you believe in him and will stand by his side through the situation.

3. Yeah exactly what u/slick_shoes83 said. He is probably feeling lots of insecurity right now, even if he won’t say it. Just reassure him that you are there for him and remind him that his worth to you is not his income.

4. Entrust him with activities you know he’ll be able to do with enough effort for him to notice the effort he is making, but not enough to make him feel overwhelmed. These can be tasks around the house, tasks involving other family members, but not things like “please go buy me X thing at the supermarket” or “please cook and wash the dishes just this once”. Things that require some skill would be best. When he does a good job, make sure to thank him. When he fails, make sure to thank him for putting in an honest try.

   This will allow him to notice his own skills, feel that others trust him to do challenging things, thus leading him into believing in himself and his value.

5. Building off the previous comments: his first worry is probably that he’s gonna be seen as “less” by you. He’s gonna worry you’re worried about your future and he’s gonna think you’ll be on the lookout for a better provider.

   It’s half evolution, and half toxic masculinity in society, but it’s all him being scared to lose you.

   Love him as you always have, and push him to be better because you know he’s a badass who never quits for anything. That’s all he needs, just you.

6. Show him you understand the impact and that you are in it with him. I went through this twice and then my with went through it twice as hard. We were there for each other to make sure each had the space to find a “satisactory” job.

   Find ways to have fun! We started saving money in ways that are not drastically changing your lifestyle.

   We still took a vacation, but we drove to a place with a kitchen where we cooked breakfast and lunch, while we went out to dinner. Our neighbors had it worse than us; they borrowed our cooler to bring their own food from home and spent part of their vacation camping.

7. I have never really had the “provider” mindset tied up in my sense of masculinity the way a lot of guys do, so I can’t speak to that. I will say that when I was long term unemployed I felt a certain sense of being lost, not belonging to society, fear of not ever being employable again, shame that other people would see me as less of a complete person because I didn’t have something I “did.” Having a partner who continually maintained she didn’t see those things in me was really helpful.

8. Probably leave them, it’s all you see all over reddit. “Ooo my partner is having a hard time. I can’t cope” and leave. Pull the bandaid now if you are.

   However if you insist in supporting, remind him that there were times were he could provide and now that he can’t, that in the future there will be times that he will be able to. And of course patience.

9. Encourage him to start looking for another more stable job.