I don’t know if there is advice that can be given- but I’m looking for ways/ thoughts that can help me to care less and not keep score within friendships and acquaintances. This can be difficult for someone that wears their heart on their sleeve, thinks of others a lot, and is communicative. I am a mom so I’m very busy, but I also find time to respond to texts, invites, etc within a timely manner( maybe not immediate, but I always respond). I find it hurtful to have friends that don’t respond to my texts or are hot and cold sometimes. I feel that if I begin distancing myself from said people, the issue is that there will be nobody left. So I really do want to learn to not care as much and be more forgiving of things that are hurtful. Hope this ramble makes sense!
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Weed
I also have this issue! I think what helps is putting myself in their shoes. Just like you, they might be busy or might have had a hard day. I know that sometimes, unfortunately when I’m having a bad day, I am cold towards my friends. Some days I’m just really busy with school work and my job, and so I don’t have time to reply. If the friendship really is toxic, (e.g the friend is always being rude/quite literally never replies and always leaves you on seen) then that’s another story. But what you’re describing, I can relate to, and those tips help me in calming down and worrying less.
I used to feel this way until I stopped making myself be available for everyone else at their convenience myself. I realized through therapy that this was actually a lack of much needed boundaries on my part.
I’ve actually dropped several friends for being offended that I’m no longer available at their convenience and it was much needed. I’m bringing twins into the world while my father is on hospice and will not be here much longer. It’s been somewhat empowering telling people no and that I don’t have the capacity to be available for them during this time. It’s something I’ve needed to do for a long time and I realized those that overstep those boundaries with such life changing things going on for me don’t respect me as much as I imagined they did. Doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but often those that are upset by things like this lack healthy boundaries of their own.
My issue was that I struggled to respond and was doing it when it was not in my best interest to do so. I was giving too much of myself and I feel that keeping my wits during this involves me taking care of myself and if others are upset by that it’s more of a projection than an issue of my own. The key to caring less was studying into what boundaries are, why they’re important, and actually utilizing them.
Well, why should people text you and care about you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, responding to texts, are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?
Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.
Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. Respecting others is fine. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.
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