How many dates do you go on before you feel guilty for dating someone else at the same time? Assuming you’ve not had any conversation about being exclusive

27 comments

1. Two. I don’t date casually and I don’t date multiple people at once. I’ll go on several first dates but once I click with someone enough for a second date, I’m not looking to juggle other people or try to meet other people. I have no issue with how anyone else chooses to date but it just doesn’t work for me.

2. One at most, but more accurately: less than one. Unless everyone involved already knew I was dating multiple people, I wouldn’t go on a date with them. To me that’s something to discuss and disclose before going on a date with someone.

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4. I cannot do this at all, I tried I cannot. 🙂

   At one point while looking into this I discovered the spread of STDs (HIV) is due to having multiple partners more so than having a lot of partners so basically I think it’s vagina logic.

5. Infinite. I’m not going to change my behavior when the other person can’t communicate

6. Actually 0 but if ever for whatever mystical reason it happens one time, I’m the monogamous type so I don’t mess things up for myself nor my mental wellbeing, dealing with one person is already hard enough so two ? Ooof never again.

7. I don’t date multiple people at the same time.
   It’s just not something I ever enjoyed. And it’s very uncommon here too. People usually don’t do that.

8. Depends

9. I never get multiple guys that want to go on dates. And if there is never a hint or talk about exclusivity, I’m not going to hold out for someone that may or may not be interested. I know what I’m looking for, and I want someone that is looking for the same. I’m upfront about wanting a serious relationship, if they only want something casual, then I’m gonna keep looking. I have been someone’s back burner, and I’m not doing that anymore.

10. I’ve never dated multiple people at the same time. I don’t think it’s morally wrong; it’s just not my thing.

11. Infinity. I’m ethically non-mono.

12. One. If someone is special enough to get a date and I want a second date that’s it. Everyone else can go away, hell I cut everyone after a first date immediately.

13. If we haven’t had a conversation about it, and I’m not trying to seriously long-term date anyone involved, I don’t feel guilty about it.

14. I don’t feel guilty. If we haven’t had a conversation and mutually agreed on monogamous exclusivity, then I have nothing to feel guilty about.

15. This is such an American thing to me. If I start dating someone, I’m not dating anyone on the side at the same time. Gonna try a few dates and see if we connect and want to become serious but I’m not playing around on the side with someone else while this is going on.

16. Infinite – until I can tell the other person is catching feelings, then I either cut everyone else off to explore it or end it with them. When I was single I preferred to date multiple people at once as it prevents me from getting overly invested in someone who could be a bad fit.

17. If we haven’t had the exclusivity talk, I can date indefinitely. If you want to be the only one, make it known, I’m not subtle.

18. It’s something I’d probably want to discuss on the 3rd or 4th date. Like, “So, are you seeing anyone else? Because I’m [insert info here] but I’m feeling [x] about it.”

19. No guilt until the “exclusive” talk. If you aren’t committed and officially dating… you can do what you want as long as you respect their bodies by only have sex with 1 or being very safe and having all partners tested and you tested and walk about the importance of that. Honestly sex with more the one person at a time is a health risk for both of you. But just dating… dating however many you want until you are official.

20. 2 or 3 with OLD

21. I’m too busy to attempt to juggle even two people I’m going on dates with at once. It’s not a moral thing, though.

22. On OLD: Just taking to two or three ok… But by date 3 it’s awkward yep. I don’t do that. I went back to old school in person have to be around someone to have a sense of them for months beforehand. Very one date/one person at a time. But I’m very intentional about how I feel around someone now in the subtlest of ways. I don’t say yes to random men I’ve had one to two interactions with… Saying yes to see never worked out for me. I’ll never do that or OLD again.

23. Infinite. If the exclusive talk hasn’t happened then I don’t feel guilty. Just be open and honest with them and your intentions. I dated 2 guys for 3 months. It was exhausting and I will never do it again. We never talked about exclusivity so I didn’t feel bad. I cut it off with one because he was poly and our schedules just didn’t match up and the other guy just never wanted to make concrete plans.

24. I don’t think I’ve ever gone on a date with someone I wasn’t in an established relationship with. Most of my relationships have started by me having crushes on my friends, and I’ve always found it difficult to have feelings for or focus on more than one person at the same time.

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26. It depends on what type of relationship I’m seeking. If I want a serious relationship 3 dates should tell me if this is a relationship I want to pursue, and if it is I will initiate the exclusivity conversation.

    If I’m just having fun, not wanting to settle down, there is really no limit as to how many dates until I feel “guilty” because I have nothing to feel guilty about. If the other person has not made it abundantly clear they want to be exclusive I will assume they don’t and are most likely seeing other people as well.

    I am also the type of person who believes in owing their sexuality and therefore do not have rules about how long to wait until we are intimate. If it’s someone who I have chemistry with and it happens, it happens.

27. I’ve never dated more than one person at a time. That’s a very American thing to me, just not how it’s done where I’m from. You’re presumed exclusive basically from the start.