I told my spouse of 8 years that it bothers me when she makes a comment like ‘absolutely not’ to something as arbitrary as me playing a song in the car or selecting a movie or tv show to watch at night when we can’t find anything we agree on.
The reason it really bugs me because it’s her way of shitting on stuff I enjoy. She could play 20 songs in a row without a comment from me and the one song I select, she will comment she can not stand or listen to it for one second longer. Like listening to a 4 min song is torture for her.
Yeah because I really love listening to her shitty radio pop over and over again. She just doesn’t seem to understand that I could also have the same attitude like her and ruin what enjoyment she gets out of it. But why be a miserable person if I choose to be with her, right?
I keep telling her that saying things like ‘no way’ will only weaken our bond as it makes me feel unappreciated and like ai can’t express my opinion without criticism or complaining from her.
It has gotten to the point where I am now actively shitting on movies and shows that she rewatches. In the past I have been apathetic to her wanting to rewatch something that makes her happy, but now I find my knee jerk reaction is saying ‘I’m ok with Never watching that ever again’ just to see her reaction and reminder her that I learned this behavior from her. Honestly feel like this makes me a worse person overall.
Not sure what advise people have for breaking this habit. She says she will not do it again after I told her on a 2 hr car ride that this is what people mean when they say don’t yuck someone’s yum. Something I have heard her say to our kids before. Now time for her to practice what she preaches.
2 comments
I would recommended couples counseling. You can also try the emotional validation method if you think she’d be open to hearing how you feel. There’s a script to follow that helps avoid sharing without sounding like your criticizing.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-validation-425336
When she says “no way”, how do you respond in that moment?
“Let me enjoy things,” is a good reply. Or, you can say something like, “stop shitting on things I like.” Blunt and direct.