Hey guys,
I need your help navigating the body shaming family of my BF of 10 years, especially the brother (m27) and his wife (w30). Both of them are fitness instructors, live in fit and able bodies and can invest all their time into maintaining their physique.
I am still straight sized and lead an active life, but with my 50h office job I don’t want to waste my free time doing things I don’t like – like going to the gym. I grew up in a weight watchers home in the 2000s and the damage from that is still there, even though I’m trying to work on that.
So here’s the problem: they (the brother and his wife) make really fat phobic comments all the time, about people that are waaaay smaller than I am. And that hurts me. The wife also says things to me like “I was so offended when the seller brought me the pants in a 29. I am not that fat.” or “They only had plus sizes, like M upwards”.
When I spoke to my bf about this he said that he doesn’t think that this was intended to be mean and I only took it like that because I have a habit of always feeling offended (I admit, I am very easily offended when it comes to my body).
But I am sure those comments are intentional. A person that is so obsessed with their weight and physique would know how much it hurts if someone said things like that, wouldn’t they?
Anyway, I don’t know how to behave, as the comments are never directed at me personally, so I don’t know how to respond. Advice is so very welcome!
TL;DR! They body shame people smaller than me all the time and I feel attacked by that.
1 comment
I think your boyfriend is right and it’s not directed at you. Fitness people are just so deluded sometimes that they think being fatphobic is very normal and everyone thinks like that. They have a lot to gain by upholding this standard so that’s why it’s all they can talk about. They probably assume that you feel the same way and would just love to lose weight and “be fit”, not that it’s hurtful.
Even IF the comments are directed at you, it’s best to act as if they aren’t. I’d go with a flat, deadpan response and move on to a different topic. If you find yourself being mentally affected by what they say, try to think of a “counter thought” in your head (e.g. I’m glad I can appreciate diverse bodies, I’m glad I don’t have to do a big exercise routine to feel confident in myself, I’m glad that I’m not this obsessed with being skinny). And of course, ultimate solution, don’t spend a crazy amount of time around them.