My gf and I have been fighting for the last 5 days. She says I need to do some grand gesture and fight to win her back. She repeatedly says “you just need to do better.” then she says we’re working towards our relationship.
It’s only been a few days but it is already exhausting. She’s called me many derogatory names. I am hoping it will get better as time goes on but to think I need to spend \~$2,000 (I don’t even have that much money as a student) for her birthday trip to possibly win her back is hard for me to process.
I love her and think she’s the one. I just can’t figure out if all this fighting back and spending money is worth it. Then again, I guess $2,000 is not bad in the grand scheme of life. She says if we get together if we mess up one time, she’s going to freak out.
I know she’s coming back to me. She still says she loves me, she just wants me to work harder. I am wondering if it will get better over time? It hurts me to hear that I need to fight. I don’t feel like it’s unconditional love.
29 comments
Move on
i’ve read enough…. you need to let her ass go. couldn’t be me letting her talk to me and demanding shit like that
This will continue. Demands will be made, and if they’re not met, you’ll have to “do better”.
It is VERY conditional love.
Run away as fast as you can. She’s a taker and a user and you deserve better
If you continue this relationship, there’s a chance the manipulative behavior will continue, reoccur, or even escalate. You are young. There will be other relationships. Try for a clean break with this one and move on. It might feel like you’re picking up the pieces of a broken heart, but they’ll fit back together just fine, and you’ll be all the better for knowing how to protect yourself in the future.
As a woman, this woman sucks ass. You are forever going to be reaching for that constantly moving bar of “better”.
In relationships, there are ups and downs. If she is going to “freak out” every time there’s a low, she isn’t the one. You need someone who is fighting along with you to make it work, not telling you to fight by yourself.
I’m sorry, and best of luck, but she ain’t the one.
It is conditional love. Have to spend $2000 on her birthday? Or what? She will dump you? Possibly win her back?
The good news is, you don’t have to dump her, just ignore her birthday, and she’ll show herself out.
Thats called being manipulative. Would she ever give a friend this ultimatum? shes abusing your love, and quite frankly it sounds like she is NOT the one.
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Find something better buddy, you deserve it. Also – focus on college and save your money for more imporant things, you dont owe her anything.
Just incase you have any doubts after previous comments, let me clarify… DUUUUMMMMPPPP HHHHEEEERRRR NNNNOOOOWWWW!!!!!
NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. If you have to spend money for your “girlfriend” to love you, she’s not your girlfriend nor does she love you. I’d move on if I were you.
There is a word for partners that you have to buy.
What is she doing to save your relationship?
Dude!! You need to run away. No one should stick around with that amount of crazy.
This cycle will never end, her ego will always demand more. Don’t spend money you don’t have especially when the person won’t even appreciate it.
It’s time to break up.
You shouldn’t need to spend money to win her back. It should be about showing affection, communicating, quality time… Depending on what was lacking in your relationship. Sounds like she just wants this expensive trip, but may continue threatening you to leave (or even leave) once you purchase it. Don’t do it.
Sounds like she’s wanting you to foot the bill for an expensive trip, after which she’ll break up with you for some imagined slight.
It’s not unconditional love, it’s the very contrary, manipulative abuse.
You need to RUUUUN.
She’s clearly finessing you and the fact that you doesn’t recognize it worries me for your sake.
Run fast and far from this relationship!
1. She’s absuive.
2. I’ll bet my neighbors dogs left tit that she only started the argument BECAUSE her birthday is coming up and she wants to guilt you into paying for it.
3. If you do stay with her cause “she’s the one” imagine going through this argument every time she wants something for the rest of your life and how miserable and financially unstable you will be.
4. It’s only been 5 days of fighting (WHICH IS RIDICULOUS THAT ITS GONE ON THAT LONG BUT) imagine a whole lifetime of it, because if you cave now she will always use the strategy, and if you don’t cave she will just go harder the next time.
If she was the one, she wouldn’t want you to spend $2k you don’t have.
The one?? You need to break up with her crazy ass
Tell her to go hell ,i’m sure she will find the 2000$ there!
She is not in love with you ,a taker only stay when they get what they wants so dont waste anymore time with that idiot and block her to live your life!
Work on your self esteem /worth/confidence,learn build Huge boundaries,higher your standards to be able to have a healty relationship. Girl like her must be avoided like plague
No, OP should break up with her, she’s training you. If you don’t leave you’ll speak the rest of your life chancing her love and affection, and it will always be one step away.
Also please start therapy, some one convinced you this abusive game is love and it’s not.
There are no details about your relationship so perhaps you do need to work harder on the relationship. “Working hard” doesn’t mean throwing money at the problem though. Coughing up $2,000 you don’t have will only get you so far. Next demand is going to be $5,000 worth of “effort”.
There are many names that are used for girls that you have to spend money on and buy gifts for, so that she will stay with you. None of them are complimentary.
Tell her that there is no money. No gifts. And if because of that she doesn’t want to be with you; walk away. You will spend your entire life trying to pamper her with gifts and money. It will never be enough. Trust me, it will be a sad, anxious, and stressful life.
Good luck
As a young women, this is sad to hear. She’s your partner not your sugar baby. This is very strange and manipulative. I hope you find the strength to leave because there is someone out there that won’t treat you this way. Dodge the bullet while you can.
Your girlfriend’s behavior is not unconditional love.
Demanding grand gestures, calling you derogatory names, telling you to “do better” and “work harder” to win her back, and telling you that she will “freak out” if you mess up one time are huge red flags. It’s controlling behavior, as well as manipulation. It’s also emotionally abusive. And demanding that you spend money you don’t have is financial abuse.
If she truly has an issue, then why isn’t she clearly telling you what she wants? All of the things she has said are pretty vague, and don’t really give you an idea of what she wants from a relationship or from you.
Don’t spend money you don’t have on anyone.
I can tell you her behavior isn’t going to change for the better. She will only get more demanding as time goes on, and you will spend all of your time, money, and energy trying to keep her. That’s not a partnership, and it’s not love on her part. Everyone deserves better than that.
(edited for spelling)
This girl is trouble and the longer you stay with her the more you’re going to regret it.
She’s acting like a spoiled brat. I’m so sorry, this is not love though. Leave her and find someone who appreciates you without you having to deal with this kind of behavior.
This is ridiculous! If you need to drop that kind of money on someone to “prove” you love them, then you’re incompatible. I’m saying this as a woman.
Are you a poodle? Because she’s training you to jump through hoops. Get a grip.