Ended a long relationship some time ago – she was **my person** and I felt like we’d spend the rest of our lives together – clearly that didn’t work. I’ve hooked up with someone every few days since then but it doesn’t fill the void. I feel like no one will get me ever again, that I’ll never find another like her. How do I get over this?
16 comments
How long ago did things end? Just take time to get acclimated to being on your own. It will hurt right now, but since you do have the ability to hook up with people, you’re likely to meet someone else you connect with. I don’t know how many times I’ve been broken up with someone I’ve connected with. And met other people I do connect with. Different people with different types of connections. You’ll be alright.
time is the best cure, stay focused in your work or bsuiness routine, you will find the next best alternative
Just stop. You’ve hooked-up with someone every few days since losing your so-called “life partner.” You have a long way to go as a person is all I can say.
My suggestion is to stop trying to hook-up as an answer. Become an emotionally healthy adult that is OK with being alone first. After you have achieved that, then hopefully you will meet someone who you admire, enjoy spending time with, and are attracted to.
It just takes time bro. That connection was something special and should give you hope that it’s possible to find that same connection with someone else. I’m 36 and have had at least 6 or 7 connections where I felt like one with my partner but to be honest it ebbs and flows, finding the person that will do that with you is the goal
Honestly, time. That’s pretty much the only thing. Divorcees, widows, long term relationship breakups.. those people almost always find another partner (age dependent, usually). The only thing they all have in common is time.
Just an average Joe here but I think most of us, and women also, have felt the same at some point in our lives. If not will be. Each of us come out stronger and wiser. We discover a strength in us that we did not know existed. Later in life, we draw on that strength to pull us through even harder times.
Most will learn that love is a choice we make and that our happiness is our responsibility and cannot be placed on another. We also learn that in order to move forward we must stop looking back at our past. We own our mistakes and learn in order to forgive ourselves we must forgive others. Not for their sake but for ours.
If and when you have grieved enough another will enter into your life. You will learn what you really want and need in your mate. And out of self respect will not settle for less. Just how much time that takes is up to you. Listen to your body and heart. Your gut will tell you when all is right.
While it is painful, it is a necessary learning experience.
Just like learning to walk the first time. There will be a lot of failures but keeping your eyes on the right path and loving yourself enough not to remain stationary will motivate you forward again.
Congratulations on joining the club.
Now move forward towards your goal in life. Expect more falls but keep in mind your capacity for success is measured by your capacity for failure.
Best of luck to you.
look in the mirror. Punch yourself, say I’m a loser and get on with your life.
Honestly, the real solution is to find some source of happiness beyond dating. Nobody is going to be able to make you as happy as a long term partner in just a date or two, so you need to find that happiness some place else
How long is long to you? Why’d you break up? Seems like you are just inexperienced.
She wasn’t “the one”, there is no “one” or “your person”. There are good “ones” and bad ones, all you have to do is go on with your life and be a good one yourself.
Stop chasing it
When an opportunity for love comes along, you act, but you can’t ***make*** that opportunity appear
What you think you lost wasn’t real in the first place. She didn’t get you.
Accept that relationships are not what we’ve been told they’re supposed to be.
Try being alone for a month for every year you were with your partner. For me, that was a year and a half of being alone. ALONE. no hookups, no flings, nothing like that.
Still haven’t decided if I want to look for another partner.
You don’t. You eventually become content with your life while feeling like you lost your chance at that, and you accept that it hurts sometimes.
Im content, I like my life, but I know I’ll think about her and feel bad occasionally until I find another relationship that strong. I gave up on “getting over her”.
One sure fire way to make things worse: hook up regularly with randoms, that way you don’t process your grief in a healthy, individual fashion. Definitely impart all that sorrow and fear into another human being through meaningless sex.
Or, take some time, face it, alone, or confide in male friends or family and process it. Quit trying to bury it using your dick as a shovel. One way way to get over it, and that’s through it. Be present with it, trying to medicate it through other means is like having a bill you have to pay, but you’re just accruing interest. You will pay it, so better to just be with it for a minute. Part of the reason people hurt is because they lost something good. But, there’s always the potential for something better, and you can’t fuck your way to enlightenment in this regard.
tldr: It’ll get better, you’ll heal, just take some solo time bro.
Time..
Time
I am in the same boat, we were togethdr 13 years n she left me n our 2 dogs of 10 years for her dope dealer. And as bad as that bitch is i still love her. That was about 2 months ago and it is getting better. I talked to her the other day and i can tell shes not the same person my head was telling me she was.
You might not find another person.
Fleeting hookups will not fill the void. Only working on your and being okay with being alone will fill that void. Oddly enough once you do that and have that energy, people will be attracted to you