For reference, my partner and I aren’t currently married.
MIL was insistent on meeting my parents and has been for a while. We finally organised an informal get together for everyone to meet, it went fine but I still thought it was a little odd.
We are in our 20s and this is the first time a partners parents have met mine, speaking with friends they also haven’t had the parents meet up either.
Just curious on what the norm is!
46 comments
Twice – we’ve been together for 6 years and are married.
They live in the same city but we introduced them just before we got married, but when we were planning the wedding. They then met at the wedding. Other than that we keep them far apart.
They will in all likelihood never meet again
No, but my in-laws wrote a really lovely letter to my dad just before I moved to the UK to reassure him that they would ‘take good care of me’, which I thought was cute. Otherwise, my parents and in-laws are separated by an ocean and don’t speak the same language so I doubt they’ll ever meet.
Once.
Both sets created imaginary slights with the other which have ridiculously become 20 plus year silent feuds.
Completely normal. Back when my parents were alive we often have them all round for dinner, they’d go out together, etc. Just all one family at the end of the day.
Would be extremely weird to be any other way.
They’re not your in-laws if you’re not married.
My dad has spent two Christmases with my in-laws. He dropped in one year to see me and just invited himself to stay.
Apart from that, they spent some time together before and after our wedding as we booked out a b&b for both our immediate families.
Yes several times, our birthdays, moving house, our engagement, several times during wedding planning. Doing a swap of the spare car key half way between my parents
and my in laws when it got lost near theirs. Its good to know how they will react to each other, especially if both sets might be needed to help at some point.
Yes. Husband and I have been together for about 16 years and I can count on my fingers the number of times they’ve been together.
No issue with each other at all and not a bad word to be said, but they’re very different people so there’s no real reason they’d get together.
Not married, together 6 years, 30 (exactly, so most of the relationship in mid-late 20s)
His parents have hosted events at Christmas and invited them. My parents have hosted events at Easter and invited them. Can be a bit awkward sometimes but seems to be worth it. It’s not often but I’d be pretty surprised if they never met at all.
I don’t think they’ve met more than 5 times since my wife and I married 9 years ago.
Nope, but I haven’t either. Partner doesnt speak to either of them and they’re back in his home country. I doubt I ever will.
My parents asked once, I said he didn’t speak to his family and not to push it. They’re quite nosy and don’t respect my SIL wishes to keep her parents at arms length, so I’m glad his are in a different country.
After we got engaged, it definitely seemed like they all regarded it as the “correct” thing to do at that point.
Since we had kids they have all been together at many events that are important to the children.
My Dad has met her Mum once. No real reason for them not to have met, but no reason reason for them to have either (we got married abroad without anyone so they didn’t meet then)
Yes. I’ve been with my other half for almost 7 years, and we have a child. My mum and his mum regularly meet up without any of us. They get on a bit too well lol. My Dad and Step mother only met his parents last year at my daughter’s first birthday party and I was a bit nervous because my Dad can occasionally come across as a bit “Londoncentric” and my Step mother can be very coarse, so I wasn’t sure how it would go, but it was fine.
My ‘in-laws’ (not married to my partner, but together 7 years) have met my parents a few times, mostly at my parents’ house.
Funny story. My mum and my mother in law once both worked at the same place but at different times. Many years before me and my wife met, her mum picked my mum up to give her a lift for a work do involving past and present staff.
My folks have met my MiL and her husband, i think they got on relatively well. They have met my FiL (partners folks are divorced) but he is difficult to get your head around, he tries to be “normal” around people he doesn’t know but still makes them feel a bit inferior. I prefer MiL tbh 😬
Parents are deceased but they’d met my MIL.
My mum and MIL actually grew up across the road from each other.
Don’t remember them ever meeting my FIL but my brother eventually met him on our wedding day, after over 10 years together.
We live by my parents and my MIL can’t really travel due to some disabilities, so we had to get my parents up to visit her when we got engaged. They also met at our wedding and when we had our baby and MIL made the trip despite it taking a huge toll. If she was well enough I’m sure she would visit us and meet them more often, but if we all lived close together they wouldn’t have much cause to meet.
Quite a few times actually. They met when me and the wife moved in together and again when we had an engagement meal after we got engaged. Then they’ve both been round ours for meals at times and at our hen do/stag do and then finally at the wedding. Who knows if they’ll meet again?
My dad has met them many times but my mum has only met them once! There’s a bit of a silent feud as they disagree with many of the things my mum did when I was a child. But on the whole they all get on & their one meeting was pretty successful.
But neither my dad or mum has met my partners biological father – I have met him many times though!! 🙂 (we’ve each met each others families and get on with them!! But they haven’t all met each other, i feel like that’s almost reserved for a wedding haha)
Together 5 1/2 years, mid twenties
Husband and I have been together for 10+ years. My parents and in-laws (living in different parts of the UK) have stayed in each others houses (without the ‘children’) a couple of times. My parents have also stayed with my in-laws when our house is ‘full’ for various family events. The mums sort out the birthday cards etc for each other.
Yes they have met multiple times. It’s never very easy but my mother is on the difficult side tbh so it goes as well as it might do.
Ours met when we got engaged, and a kind of engagement party. If you can manage it, it’s lovely if they can all meet and get on.
Twice, but they don’t speak the same language so it’s lots of smiling and gesturing.
They send Christmas cards.
They don’t live in the same country as each other so that helps!
Never. And unsure if they ever will.
My parents live in another country. My partner has also only met them once so far for a dinner, but are going to meet them again this summer where we will be staying at their house for a week. We’ve been together for approximately 2 years (known each other for longer but we don’t really have a specific date where we became a couple so idk how long to consider us having been together as a couple).
Maybe they will meet if me and my partner ever get married. But it will probably be quite awkward as my parents understand English but don’t feel comfortable speaking it, and my partner’s parents are quite different from my parents personality wise. I don’t see them having much to talk about at all.
myself and my boyfriend have been together almost 6 years and both still live with our parents as we are in our early 20s. our parents have never met and we plan on keeping it that way until our wedding.
My mum met my husbands mum at our wedding (his dad is dead and mine is disowned from the family). I think it’s tradition to have the families meet before the wedding for a meal or something but I guess people probably don’t do it anymore.
Don’t know if it’s particularly common, but don’t see anything wrong with it, seems to be more a sign that they’ve accepted you into their family and would like to meet more of yours.
Or, they might want to tell if they’re from a higher or lower social circle and want to judge the hell out of your parents 🙂
Yep. My MIL learned English so she could chat with my mum. And she’ll get on a train to come out to dinner and hang out with my mum whenever mum’s visiting me. Its lovely! SHE is lovely!
Been with my partner 4 years, married 1 and they have never met!
Slightly different situation as both our parents have split, so I’ve never even seen her dad and mum in the same place!
For clarification, we had no one invited to the wedding. We ‘eloped’ but everyone knew we were getting married!
No I’m no longer in contact with my own parents – but my parents decided to become good friends with my ex’s parents, AFTER we’d split up.
Never bothered the 10 years we were together.
We used to take our mother’s out for a meal on Mother’s Day every year.
My mum would dress up and make it a big deal of it as she never dined out that often. MiL would turn up and complain about the restaurant, the food, having ate here last week… they’re poles apart.
Yes, not all together though. Not married, but long term couple in our 20s bought our first house last year. We took parents along to the house viewings because we had no idea – never had all 4 parents together just due to schedules
Nope. Me (F25) and my partner (M26) have been together 7 years, engaged for 4.
We are both convinced that they won’t like each other but will make awkward, overly pleasant small talk for far too long when they do eventually meet and then probably talk about each other when they go home. Helps that they live 4 hrs apart from each other and we live slap bang in the middle, so they will only ever cross over if we intend them to.
They met at our wedding.
His parents are both dead now. Neither were particularly interested in meeting each other prior.
Yes, they’re quite good friends now. Before hubby and I moved to Scotland, both families would get together for a BBQ a couple of times a year.
I mean, we’re 10 years in so that makes a difference.
They met maybe after we’d been together 2 years, not sure if that’s normal because we lived 1.5 hours away from eachother in the beginning.
They still don’t meet regularly, maybe once a year at the very most
Yeah frequently?
Common interests- their children being married and their grandson 🤷♂️ why wouldn’t they get together?
Yeah loads of times.. they hang out without us!
Married 20 yrs.
They met once.
No o e speaks same language. Small European country, small tribal language.
Just grunts and nods. Like cavemen talking to other cavemen. We left them 10min to get some stuff and watched them on security camera installed for future kids and was funny watching them try to communicate. Not even same alphabet, so it was humorous to view.
Loads of times, and I’m amazed that people are saying anything different. We celebrate birthdays and Christmases and other events together, it makes life so much easier doing it all together instead of separate events
Yes they have. We all went for a meal at a gastro pub place. My dad complained loudly that the water had lemon and cucumber in it and demanded it was replaced, then hardly said anything else. My in-laws described him as “a bit odd”. They rarely met again and haven’t met at all since our wedding. But I haven’t spoken to my parents either for a few years, my in-laws weren’t wrong that my parents are very odd and antisocial
Yes, twice. First was, like you, pushed by the MIL. Second, she treated my dying dad like a sick idiot instead of a human and rubbed in my mum’s face how fantastic her life is. Safe to say, not friends!
My sister on the other hand, her MIL walks my mum’s dog three times a week and FIL does all the handy jobs she can’t do. See each other on a regular basis.
Nothing is normal!
Three times. Housewarming, hen party, wedding. Never again. No need and nothing in common except us; it’s just weird.
that’s crazy to me that parents not meeting each other is normal to people? my bf & i have been together a year & our parents haven’t met yet but only cuz they live in different cities & we also live in a different city to both of them as well. they are actually going to be meeting next week as theyre both helping us move house 🙂
but my parents parents know each other so i’ve always viewed that as normal. they wouldn’t consider each other friends but we usually all spend christmas together and they see each other several times throughout the year as well. but my parents parents only live about 20 mins from each other and when my parents met they lived even closer, so.