For women who’ve always dated partners who put zero/low effort into the relationship and then found a good match: what made you change?

8 comments

1. Realizing that I wouldn’t accept being treated that way from my family or friends, so why was I letting him, the person that was supposed to love me the most, make me the most miserable.
   I was surrounded by amazing parents and couples who had healthy and happy relationships and I knew without a doubt that I deserved that and I had to have higher standards to get it.

2. I moved across the country to be near my mom and step dad. I finally got to be around healthy and loving relationships constantly and thought “wtf am I doing?”. I ended things with my fiancé and spent a year completely alone. No sex, no dates, not tinder. I love myself, I maintain myself. It’s much easier to let someone good in when you treat yourself that way. I lowered my standards previously because frankly it’s just what I thought I deserved.

3. Finally finding my worth.

4. After the last bad (read: physically and mentally abusive) relationship, I didn’t go an a date or sleep with anyone for 14 months. I knew I had a LOT to work through with myself, build up friendships and self esteem, put energy into myself. I realized I am worth more and deserve more, and someone is not worthy of my time if they don’t see that too!! I have now been with my amazing boyfriend for a year, and I have never felt so respected, heard, and loved in a partnership. Waiting is not for everyone, but for me it was definitely worth it

5. i just got to the point where i was completely fed up with the bare minimum. i had to learn to love myself over men who would put anything and everyone above me and i am a lot happier now than i have ever been. finding your worth is the best thing that you could ever do for yourself

6. The realisation that a smart, driven person with nice sounding accomplishments didn’t automatically mean they made a good partner for me (kind, considerate, generous with themselves, honest, etc.) That took so long to sink in and I would blame myself, feel bad, overcompensate and ignore the early behaviours, when it was really about them.

   The peace of mind from taking a break from dating cinched it. A year of not constantly feeling self-doubt, leading to deciding finally to not accept anything that I knew would lead to feeling like that again

7. I finally realized what I deserve and it’s not someone who doesn’t give or put in as much as I do. I’m also realized that I don’t want to be in a one sided relationship.

8. When I realized that spending time with me just wasn’t a priority to him anymore….even when I made plans, he’d just complain the entire time or he’d get drunk and ruin the entire evening.